George Carlin was an inspiration in many ways for me. His black humor will be missed.

Story on Bloomberg here.

-Loki, HumidCity Founder

“See, Sonny? They’re all a bunch of ignorant illiterates down there.”

-Loki, HumidCity, Founder

EDIT: In additional news Twitter seems to be doun again today.

This is notable because when you click through to the main article downpour is suddenly spelled correctly. You’ve gotta be careful guys, you represent us to the bloody planet when you venture onto the net.

Citing trademark infringement, Mayor Ray Nagin filed a lawsuit against the city of Chicago for attempting to make use of New Orleans’ Murder Capitol USA (NOMCUSA) trademark. In front of a loosely assembled group of reporters in Central City, Nagin gave a speech this morning:

“After the Bears gaves the Saints an azz whopping in the playoffs, Chicago thinks they can walk all other us. But let me tell you something, Chicago. Just because you got some high number shooting and killing going on, don’t think for a minute about taking on our logo or identity as one of America’s most dangerous places to live. And another thing, while you had 32 shootings in 26 separate incidents last weekend, a simple look at the statistics shows we still got you beat.

Murders over the weekend (April 17th - 21st)
Chicago: 6
New Orleans: 7

We will continue to maintain our violent status and my office will continue to live by its motto “City of New Orleans, where mediocrity is overachievment.”

George Ingmire

miabuelo.com
neworleansnarratives.com

I’ve just been reading through assorted emails, bulletins, forwarded blogs, etc. and have noticed an alarming trend. No, not the outrageous price of Gubernatorial Hookers, which I admit, was whimsically surprising, but the absolute shameless idiocy that is rising around the upcoming Presidential Election.

I’ve been on the receiving end of a series of bulletins informing me that Barrack Hussien Obama was BORN TO A MUSLIM FATHER. This, I’m told is nearly enough to put him off the ballot, because he absolutely MUST BE an underground muslim agitator. The same letter condemns him because his Pastor at the United Church of Christ is against the war in Iraq.

So, we’re supposed to hate this ‘Muslim’ because of his ‘Christian’ associations? No, not really. The bulletin ends by informing me that it’s not right in America to have a President with “a name like that.”

“Hello, Stupid Police? We got some right here.

Come and pick them up, willya?

Oh, yes, we promised them all free healthcare, so they’re waiting around indefinitely.”

I think that we should all mail in our votes to Teen Beat Magazine, with that little coupon for free Glitter Covers for our cell phones. Votes can be decided by who likes candles over sunsets, which candidate last took a long walk on the beach, the name of their first dog, and a brief quiz on the latest episodes of Gossip Girl.

As long as it’s not during American Idol.

As I make my plans to move further south into the Caribbean (we’re currently the northern-most city, ya know) I can rest assured that what was once the Greatest Country in the World, will carry on, eating drive-through fast food until they can’t get out of the car, arguing over Total Request Live & American Idol (that’s “idle” BTW), waiting to see if Ashton is filming Paris this week, and voting for the President of the United States based on a name he was given at birth, like anyone could control that.

Whoever these people are, their mothers must be so proud. When she gets home from her second job to do their laundry, maybe she’ll say so. If Homeland Security says it’s okay. I’ll be doing something soon to be long forgotten, if not illegal, here in the old USA.

Reading a book.

Lord David
Skull Club
New Orleans

I am still overcoming the deleterious effects of my recent trials at the hands of Dr. Pinkerton. This evening I was kidnapped and dragged to the suburban Secret Lab of The Consortium of Genius. I barely escaped with my life, and would have been caught if Pinkerton had not stopped to answer a threatening phone call from none other than Momus Alexander Morgus.

I am unable to continue. Look for details of my trip to the lab and tales of the two maddest scientists New Orleans has ever seen in a post tomorrow. In the meantime I must recuperate….

*Bow 2 The COG*

I was going to write about Ray again, but then I found this picture in my Flickr account which is far more eloquent than I am at the moment:

Sometime today, I sent out a little “press release” about a photography exhibit opening this Friday. I sent this thing out to an email list I keep of people who have somehow (perhaps inadvertently) rubbed shoulders with me at some point in their lives. I send these things out on occasion whether these people want to hear from me or not. It’s no big deal.

I got this one response, though, that’s been sitting on my shoulder ever since I got it. My friend, Irene, wrote:

“I guess you haven’t had any trouble figuring out what to do since retirement!! I would love to come. I just had chemo again today, so I don’t know how I will be Friday. Please keep me posted, though. I only have one more chemo.”

The thing is, I know Irene is undergoing chemotherapy for breast cancer. I’ve known since she found out about it. But I keep forgetting about it.

I keep forgetting about it because, well, because Irene let’s me forget about it.

I’ve known Irene for more than thirty years. She was a fixture at the agency I went to work for in my callow youth. She was a veteran, a pro. She was one of the people there who took me under their wings and taught me what was what, and who protected me from the kind of crap that could wear me down and turn me into one of those bureaucrats you’re used to running up against in the world of so-called “governmental service”. And I never became one of those.

Irene laughed all the time. She still does. Being Jewish, she always saw herself as the butt of God’s great cosmic practical joke. There was always a cartoon cloud hovering over her shimmery sun-blond hair. No matter. Her glasses had windshield wipers fastened atop their Groucho Marx nose and mustache.

I still lose control every time I remember the time she stood up at her desk in the middle of the common work area to announce, “Um, I think I have to get out of here. My water just broke.” There she stood in a puddle as our office manager rushed over, shouting, “Somebody get her out of here before we get a complaint.”

Her daughter was born later that afternoon. She was back in a few weeks.

I always expect her to be back in a few weeks even though she retired several years before I did, and I seldom see her face to face. In all that time, she’s insisted on keeping me in her life with an occasional email updating me on this or that custard pie being lobbed at her face.

She’ll be alright. She still has those glasses, and she still laughs all the time.

But sometimes … I don’t know … with all this crap we’re all dealing with every day … all the crime, the incompetence and criminality of our leadership [sic], the arrogance of power …

In the midst of all this Post-K crap, there’s my ‘Rene coping with plain old cancer.

Sometimes, you’ve just got to stop, sit down a minute, think about it all, and appreciate that Old Bastard’s punchline.

We’ll none of us manage to dodge that final pie in the face.

- Bigezbear

Jena 6

Originally uploaded by azrainman.

The Jena 6 Case is History Written in Lightning

Lady Justice is said to be color blind and free of racism, cept in Jena, LA and that’s on both sides. The lightning strike is coming for those who pervert or abuse justice for personal gains.

Guest Post crossposted from:

AZRainman : Photoshop Satire

image courtesy of Skeleton Krewe

Hollywood: Heiress, Pussy Hilton, granddaughter of cryogenically frozen Paris Hilton, best known as the Death Tax Princess for her refusal to ever die, has pled “No Contest” to charges that she beat another of her ’servants for life’ to death, during a cocaine frenzy & tantrum. She received a suspended five day sentence and has entered rehab for the entire afternoon.

Washington: George W. the Third, Emperor For Life of the United States and head of the Republicans For God party, has revamped the Patriot/Traitor Act yet again. His new Peace Brigade now has the power to enter any place of business, worship or dwelling at will, and arrest anyone at anytime under the Sneaking Suspicion Act, hold suspects indefinitely and without counsel, and shoot to kill on grounds of Suspected Resistance. Naysayers of this giant step for freedom were unavailable for comment.

New Orleans: The Army Corps of Engineers has announced that the pumps in the City of New Orleans may be fully operational by the end of this year’s Hurricane Season. The levee repairs started after Katrina (2005) should be completed within five years, assuming the walls around the gated Haliburton Village, America’s most expensive neighborhood, are finished. Blackwater USA was again uncontested in their application for security there. Located in what used to be the Lower Ninth Ward, these estate homes and golf course represent the highest concentration of politicians and oil barons in the USA and “deserve protection from the Great Unwashed”, according to White House spokesmen.

In The News: The Independent Islamic States of New York, Florida and Georgia once again held trials for any single men and women who attended last week’s Heresy Burnings without a chaperone. Defense counsel asked for torture and dismemberment instead of the televised burnings. This is believed to be a ploy to boost the sagging ratings during immoliation broadcasts, which have continued a downward trend since they began airing weekly. Follow-up programing to the torture shows, such as ‘Healing Back to Allah’, rate highly in the reality TV market.

In Georgia: The rash of arrests of women who appear without veils has fallen sharply, due largely to the Hot Iron Blindings, given mercifully by Clerics Of Study & Punishment, but other states, where science is still legal, say that this is due to the large number of people wearing welders helmets, as temperatures reach the low 120’s and UV rays once again burn the paint off older cars. Bucky ‘Haliburton’ Cheney, Energy Czar, has suggested a tax on these helmets, as well as the newer Fossil Fuel Free automobiles, saying that funding is needed to study the possibility that we are experiencing “Global Cooling”.

When asked his opinion, Michael Moore III spoke from the Sedition Section of Death Row, where he awaits execution for heresy and treason, saying only, “You’re fucking kidding me, right?”

-Lord David

You simply must read this! Joey DiFatta will be singing the blues even more once this one gets around!

Crawford, Texas (AP) - June 1st, 2007

In a strange twist of irony as hurricane season officially opened today, a tragic flood this morning destroyed the personal library of President George W. Bush. The flood began in the presidential bathroom where both of the books were kept. Both of the books have been lost. A presidential spokesperson said the president was devastated, as he had almost finished coloring the second one.

White House staff members repeatedly tried to call the Federal Emergency Management Agency to notify them of the situation, but there was no answer.

Tonight we get to have a swig of hemlock with the Krewe du Vieux, one of my all time favorite parts of Carnival Season. An old school Krewe they do not stint with the viscious satire, not one single bit.

My wife and I will be attending both the parade and the following ball this evening, and its a sign of how much we love this parade that we are. Weather in the forty degree range may not seem like much to people elsewhere in the US, but for thse of us used to the subtropical climes it is fierce and bitter cold. KdV is worth coping wth the weather.

Individual Krewe Sites

Krewe of Underwear: kreweofunderwear.com
Krewe Rue Bourbon: ruebourbon.org
Krewe of LEWD: KreweofLEWD.com
Krewe of Drips and Discharges: dripsanddischarges.org
Krewe de CRAPS: krewedecraps.net
Krewe of CRUDE: krewe-of-crude.org
Krewe de Mishigas: krewe.us
Laissez Les Bon Temps Ole: kreweofcomatose.com

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A proposed marching hymn for the incipient dawning of the Benign and Lewd Order of the Garrulous (B.L.O.G), with all due apologes to Fats Domino!

It’s time I’m bloggin’ ’bout New Orleans
I’m bloggin’ ’bout New Orleans
I’m going to need to hold my nose
Around those damned politicos
When I write about New Orleans

I’ve got my purple pills
Doctor says they’ll sure cure my ills
I’m stayin’ here today
Yes, I hope we find our way
Yes, I’m bloggin’ ’bout New Orleans

You know its very rarely sunny
And the State has all the money
No use for you to cry
I’ll see you bye and bye
Cause I’m bloggin’ ’bout New Orleans

I need to keep on typin’
Because my home is still a ailin’
New Orleans is my home
That’s true no matter where I roam’
I’m bloggin’ ’bout New Orleans

FADE:
I’m bloggin’ ’bout New Orleans
I’m bloggin’ ’bout New Orleans
I’m bloggin’ ’bout New Orleans

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Hurry, hurry, hurry! Step right up for the Sickest Show on Earth! For the low price of your peace of mind you may see sights unknown to the First World!

In Blue Tarp Tent Number One you can watch the Dancing of the Politicos, an infernally complex arrangement of motions guaranteed to explore every direction except forwards! Watch local salaries for C Ray and his companions in the City Clown Car skyrocket into the stratosphere while nothing gets done! See a total lack of Republicans in the Courthouse Cage Battle! All the while our helpful concessions staff will enhance your enjoyment of the festivities with a steady stream of antidepressants and alcohol!

Meanwhile in Blue Tarp Tent Number Two watch the FEMA comedy act as it informs Americans everywhere that their own levees are the punchline! You’ll laugh, you’ll cry, you’ll kiss your ass goodbye! Then we will treat you to a spectacular show as MC Gold releases his uncut track, Just Shoot ‘Em, Who Cares?

These things don’t grab you, my friend? I see you are an entity of discerning tastes. Allow me to redirect you to the center tent, where you can absorb all the New Orleans news and flavor you could ever want! Join the teeming masses in salivating over the biggest press we have gotten yet, the F*CK DA EAGLES GIRL! Scantily clad in her shiny new photospread, this must be the most important thing going on!

So don’t stay stuck in the FEMA Trailer tonight, entertainment abounds! Come on out and see The Sickest Show on Earth tonight!

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Ganked unashamedly from Greg Peters over at Suspect Device, a really great piece of humor:

Mayor Nagin and Police Chief Riley visited a class in a local elementary school yesterday and the teacher suggested that they participate in the day’s vocabulary lesson.

“Today’s word is tragedy,” said the mayor. “Can anyone give an example of a tragedy?” asked the police chief.

One child raised her hand. “If a drug dealer was trying to shoot another drug dealer and hit my sister instead,” the child offered. “No,” said the police chief, “that would be an accident. Anyone else?”

“How about if everyone quit visiting the city, my daddy lost his job and couldn’t provide for me?” another child ventured. “No,” said the mayor, “although that would be a great loss. One more answer from Johnny in the back.”

“Well,” said Johnny, “if the mayor and police chief were shoved off the viewing platform during a Mardi Gras parade and killed when a float ran them over, THAT would be a tragedy!” “Now that’s correct,” agreed the mayor and police chief. “And can you tell us why?” “Because,” said Johnny, “it sure as hell wouldn’t be a great loss, and I doubt very seriously if it would be an accident.”

Schroeder

Originally uploaded by Humid City.

The second in the series of NOLABlogger Parodies is the man(?) who started this photoshop mudfight, Schroeder. People Get Ready, this one is a doozy!

(As always, click the picture for a larger image)

Some of my picks from snopes.com re:NOLA

True

Did New Orleans’ mayor turn down a $5 million to remove cars wrecked by Hurricane Katrina?

Did ‘The Price Is Right’ air an episode offering a trip to New Orleans as a prize?

Did a National Geographic article fortell the flood that devastated New Orleans?

Did Barbara Bush say the refugees being housed in the Astrodome were ‘underprivileged anyway, so this is working very well for them’?

Woman’s death notice directs ‘gifts be made to any organization that seeks the removal of President Bush from office’?

False

Photographs show a 21-foot crocodile found swimming in the streets of New Orleans?

Advertisement for Heineken beer employs New Orleans ‘looter’ imagery?

Did comedian George Carlin write a list of ‘Hurricane Rules’?

Did Katrina evacuees brought to Utah sell drugs, attempt rapes, and rebuild street gangs?

Hmmm…

Photographs juxtapose human and canine evacuees from New Orleans?

Silent Night

Silent night, no gunfights,
All is calm, ‘till Twelfth Night
Round the city debris still is piled.
Our politicians still should be reviled,
Christmas will come anyway.
Christmas will come anyway.

Silent night, times are tight,
Neighbors still living in the blight,
Friends are scattered both here and afar,
Nagin gave us a Recovery Czar;
Waiting on the Road Home!
Waiting on the Road Home!

Silent night, hope ignite,
We’ll survive, though times are tight
New Orle-ans shall be reborn,
While our leaders keep earning our scorn,
Running the long paper chase.
Running the long paper chase.

By George “Loki” Williams copyright 2006

More Xmas drivel to the tune of God Rest Ye Merry Gentlemen.

God rest ye Wonka good the mayor
Whose face we rarely see
Though life in Chocolate City
Is not all that it could be

The Road Homes long
My house is gone
No trash pick up for me

Oh tidings of empty promises
Promises
Oh-oh tidings of empty promises!

God rest ye Mr. Bi-i-ingle
Symbol of our hope
New Orleans tradition
Will help us all to cope

We’ll hold on tight
To what we have
And will survive this dope

Oh tidings of empty promises
Promises
Oh-oh tidings of empty promises!

Copyright 2006

By George “Loki” Williams

Oh yeah, baby, I’m BACK!

Since you readers seem to be gluttons for punishment I am going to try to cough up one of these each day between now and Xmas. I’ll be waiting for th hate mail…

Rummy Boy
To the tune of Little Drummer Boy

Wait they told me, da dumb dumb dumb dumb
Assistance will arrive, da dumb dumb dumb dumb
We will rebuild the Gulf, da dumb dumb dumb dumb
We’ll make the city sing, dumb dumb dumb dumb,
dumb dumb dumb dumb, dumb dumb dumb dumb,
But corruption ruled dumb dumb dumb dumb,
Pass me the rum.

Oh New Orleans, da dumb dumb dumb dumb
This fate is not for you da dumb dumb dumb dumb
We have no leadership, da dumb dumb dumb dumb
There’s no one at the wheel da dumb dumb dumb dumb
dumb dumb dumb dumb, dumb dumb dumb dumb,
We will do it ourselves, da dumb dumb dumb dumb,
Where is the rum?

Now it is Christmas, da dumb dumb dumb dumb,
Friends scattered everywhere, da dumb dumb dumb dumb
We will do with what we have, da dumb dumb dumb dumb
I raise my glass to them, da dumb dumb dumb dumb,
dumb dumb dumb dumb, dumb dumb dumb dumb,
I hope they”ll be home soon, da dumb dumb dumb dumb
Me and my rum

By George “Loki” Williams
copyright 2006

Gather round the propane boys and girls, Loki has a holiday bedtime story to share:

Twas the night before Christmas, when all through the blogs
We hid from the rain, falling like cats and dogs;
The stockings were hung in the trailers with care,
In hopes a Road Home check soon would be there;
GBitch was nestled all snug in her bed,
While visions of levees danced in Adrastos head;
Maitri in her sari, mind like a steel trap,
And Ray in New Orleans, enduring more crap,
When out on da po’ blog there arose such a clatter,
I sprang to my laptop to join in the chatter.
Away to my Windows I flew like a flash,
But a Blue Screen of Death caused my laptop to crash.
The moon in the puddles of new-fallen rain
Showed American Zombie out placing more blame,
When, what to my wondering eyes should appear,
But Poppy Z. Brite (she was pounding a beer),
There was dear little Sophmom, so lively and quick,
Standing in because FEMA had detained St. Nick
More rapid than ScoutPrime her coursers they came,
And she whistled, and shouted, and called them by name;
“Now, Alan! now, Ashley! now, Gentilly Girl!
On, Ernie! on, Blagueur! on, Slate (there’s my girl!)
I saw Mr Bingle he was at the town hall!
Now blog away! blog away! blog away all!”
As the waters that after the levee’s break flow,
(The Corps was responsible, everyone knows!);
And up to the rubble the coursers they swam,
With a wounded Greg Peters, he still is The Man!.
Yat Pundit and Becky, I heard on the roof
While Dangerblond carolled and acted the goof.
As I drew in my head, and was turning around,
Into my door Oyster came with a bound.
He had Lisa wih him, his wife Lovely as well,
Pearlgirl was cute as a snail in its shell:
“People Get Ready, for its the Third Battle,
Read Nation of Morons, it disects the prattle!”
His glasses — they twinkled! his bottle how merry!
He filled, added Rox, and he dropped in a cherry!
“Its our Moldy City and I’ll never move
Theres nothing quite like the Home of the Groove!”
Then in came Mike Homan with a jug of sweet tea,,
And then Jeffrey joined us fresh from library;
We had jambalaya and good pepper jelly,
We ignored the mold, even though it was smelly.
Though the National Guard through our streets still do roam,
The Saints have been winning at the Superdome!
Its Post K New Orleans and there’s a lot that looks grim,
But we’re real New Orleanians and know how to swim;
We’ll rebuild our city, we’ll put in the work,
Despite C Ray Nagin and that “Dolla’ Bill” jerk,
Our Blue Tarp Buffet, it tickled my nose,
our new blogger friends have all lightened our woes;
They took a few pics, which we posted to flikr,
And they hopped in a car with a “Fix The Pumps,” sticker,
But I heard them exclaim, ere they drove out of sight,
“Happy Christmas New Orleans, now keep up the fight!”

EDIT: Check out Kelcrow7’s offering from last year! It’s kicks!

EDIT 2:If you wish to repost feel free, all I ask is notification and that you include the following at the end: Writtten by George “Loki” Williams Reprinted from http://humidcity.com/2006/12/21/the-blog-before-christmas/