HumidCity http://humidcity.com Handing New Orleanians a Megaphone Since April 2005 Fri, 28 Mar 2014 20:59:50 +0000 en-US hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=330 Artist of New Orleans 3 http://humidcity.com/2014/03/28/artist-new-orleans-3/ http://humidcity.com/2014/03/28/artist-new-orleans-3/#comments Fri, 28 Mar 2014 20:59:50 +0000 http://humidcity.com/?p=6069                                                         […]

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humibb13320350703_f4a3e70f36_o                                                                                                                       Patrick Ainsworth, Concert Photographer/Photojournalist. When asked about his goal, he responded,
“To do the very best I can each day!”

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Artist of New Orleans http://humidcity.com/2014/03/28/artist-new-orleans-2/ http://humidcity.com/2014/03/28/artist-new-orleans-2/#comments Fri, 28 Mar 2014 19:33:43 +0000 http://humidcity.com/?p=6064 Brent Houzenga: Muralist, Street Abstract Artist. When asked for a quote he responded, "Live with purpose passionately."

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Brent Houzenga: Muralist, Street Abstract Artist. When asked for a quote he responded, “Live with purpose passionately.”

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Oshun Parade 2014 http://humidcity.com/2014/02/22/oshun-parade-2014/ http://humidcity.com/2014/02/22/oshun-parade-2014/#comments Sat, 22 Feb 2014 17:09:00 +0000 http://humidcity.com/?p=6052 SONY DSC

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Mardi Gras Mom-Bo http://humidcity.com/2014/02/21/mardi-gras-mom-bo/ http://humidcity.com/2014/02/21/mardi-gras-mom-bo/#comments Fri, 21 Feb 2014 17:22:11 +0000 http://humidcity.com/?p=6047 kingcake

As part of our ongoing Carnival coverage here is a gues […]

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kingcake

kingcakeAs part of our ongoing Carnival coverage here is a guest post contributed by Heather Penden. While it is not quite our usual fare if you read it to the end you will see why we decided to share it. Enjoy! -Loki

“Can I pee in the bushes?” my mini-me inquires. “No, you can’t pee in the bushes. Why would you want to pee in the…” and that is when my daughters and I both witnessed a penis (not belonging to my husband) shaken twice before being tucked away. This pee-happy parade-goer even kept beat with the high school drummer as the procession marched down the street. It is Mardi Gras time in New Orleans and along the bustling avenues, the city is jam-packed with pee-ers, prophets, party-seekers, and parents passing the baton of “laissez les bon temps rouler.”

So how does one manage “letting the good times roll” when my rolling days now refer to a jogging stroller? When my breast popping out means it’s feeding time? Thoughts like these just don’t enter your mind when you are keeping in step with tradition. This tradition, like most, requires physical presence to fully understand. My Swedish-imported husband never fully appreciated the idea of a city being torn apart by visitor’s displaying his or her worst behavior for a last raucous romp before a ritual time of fasting. I always worried he wouldn’t get it. Yet now, even I can’t understand what there is to get. What is special about this festive time in this party-loving city? Why am I –WITH CHILDREN FOR CHRIST’S SAKE—even here? Not having an immediate answer to that question made me doubt even my own cultural credibility.
The baby-carrier strapped to my front bounced an infant not yet five months old. Her presence goes unheeded by the smokers and tokers that fill the corner where we stand, an all too familiar smell of oily-herbal-pungence wafting around us. We are stuck here until the next float passes, sirens of police escorts suddenly blasting out an audio warning for revelers to back-away, both daughters jump startled. My oldest daughter clings to my leg. Her shoulder presses into my inner thigh as though she is trying to climb back inside the parts from whence she sprang out of me only three years prior. I hold her hand firmly, raise my voice high enough for her to hear me, “We will be back with Papa in a jiffy! Look at the beautiful colors on the float! Do you see all those ladies dressed like mermaids!?!”

She looks up excitedly and smiles a purple toothy grin. The color of royalty has stained her teeth. It is a common side-effect of the king-cake we polished off only an hour ago. At three she had never experienced eating fried chicken from a box whilst sitting atop a ladder on the street. Popeye’s fried chicken chased with a sugar-topped-brioche-ring-cake is a parade-route-dinner-specialty. I smile because I can remember the same crunchy, salty chicken and candy sweet combo on my tongue when I was her size.

Another sudden near-deafening blurt from a police siren signals me back to reality.
All around me people smile, the air is filled with an array of food smells, sounds of trumpets in the distance. The energy engages the body and makes the stiff parts feel fluid. It provokes the mind to put off all priority and postpone practicality. My daughter squeals in delight as she reaches for a bouncy ball beneath my boot. A group dressed as cowboys and Indians to our left hits play on a boom-box and the beat of a familiar festival tune blares, they encircle us dancing without any cares. It is the unexpected intermission of this carnival affair, as the break creates opportunity for crowds to perform their own show. The costumed impress my tiny dancer, her eyes as big as moon-pies, and they shimmy, shake, and pow-wow in unison to the Mambo’s perfect percussive intrusion.

As the floats begin their approach once again, the boom box operator and performers begin to process counter the crowd flow. In mere moments, the tractor is upon our block, dragging the two-story trailer of brightly colored décor and masked throwers who appease the crowds with their various colorful tosses. We back away again from the street in a huddled clump as parade trinkets, cups, and doubloons fly left and right. The little one’s head I protectively cover with my oversized sweatshirt sleeves, the younger one I allow to reach for a stranger’s offered string of beads. The float passes quickly and I see my husband’s arms flailing and motioning for me from across the avenue on the neutral ground.

We see our chance and quickly spring forward, crossing the street. The crowd parts to let us through, holding their arms out to create a path for my little girl to reach her Papa’s extended hand. He pulls her forward, bosom-hugging infant and I fall into the space of this group embrace. It is from the side, I can see from whence I came. A place filled with fun and friendship among strangers, a place where my daughter can find delight in things thrown into the street, where we can dance to a beat, feel the rhythm of life from our head to our feet.

I remember again in this “City That Care Forgot,” there is no place like home. The sounds of the music, the crowds all around us, the visual overload…it is all home. Coming home to this tradition is coming home to parts of me I sometimes forget. I feel a flutter deep in my chest. Sharing this with my little ones seems the most natural thing in the world. The St. Augustine horn section makes their approach, both daughters are bouncing, my youngest upon me, oldest in my man’s arms. I look up at my husband and as our eyes meet I can tell, he too, can feel the beat. There’s no tradition like this tradition that I’m more proud to call home.

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Artist of New Orleans http://humidcity.com/2014/02/20/artist-new-orleans/ http://humidcity.com/2014/02/20/artist-new-orleans/#comments Thu, 20 Feb 2014 19:08:54 +0000 http://humidcity.com/?p=6038 SONY DSC

Joseph Konert, Muralist. When asked about himself he re […]

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Joseph Konert, Muralist. When asked about himself he responded: “ I am walking in unwavering faith ! “

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Krewe Du Vieux: Spanked #ThroughGlass http://humidcity.com/2014/02/20/krewe-du-view-spanked-throughglass/ http://humidcity.com/2014/02/20/krewe-du-view-spanked-throughglass/#comments Thu, 20 Feb 2014 16:19:39 +0000 http://humidcity.com/?p=6033 20140215_154720_695

We are kicking off a new series of videos, Carnival Und […]

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We are kicking off a new series of videos, Carnival Under Glass, with an inside look at Krewe du Vieux.

I had the honor of being asked to ref for one of the subkrewes, which means pulling the floats into and out of the den, controlling the crowd, and wrangling the marchers. It was a lot of fun, and the Krewe of Spank was demented in the most wonderful way!

So here is a semi-NSFW look at the Krewe du Vieux as we kick off the serious part of Carnival Season.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=r9sk_3a6khM

Many thanks to all my friends and compatriots in all the subkrewes of KdV! I finally got off my ass and joined you on the stumble!

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Comic Con Under Glass http://humidcity.com/2014/02/13/comic-con-under-glass/ http://humidcity.com/2014/02/13/comic-con-under-glass/#comments Thu, 13 Feb 2014 18:22:19 +0000 http://humidcity.com/?p=6020 Here we go, kids, the New Orleans Comic Con coverage ha […]

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Here we go, kids, the New Orleans Comic Con coverage has arrived! Three days of shooting video and interviews through Google Glass is now available for your viewing pleasure. Here is the complete series of episodes, if you enjoy them please share them!

First up are interviews with Artist Eric Hutchinson of Inbeon Studios and Manu Bennet (Azog the White Orc in The Hobbit and Slade Wilson in Arrow).

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TQb2LlETBhU

Magic: The Gathering Artist Jeff Meges talks about the 20th Anniversary of the game and the celebratory book about it. We also interview a few cosplayers.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FbFgzaKpdbw

The next episode covers Tabletop Gaming, Cosplay, and an interview with comic legacy Joel Adams (son of Neal Adams).

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=p-G4J6XiO-g

In this episode Loki talks to one of he hosts of local radio show The Week In Geek (WGSO). Then we share a demonstration of Zero Point 3D's human scanning setup as they make custom miniatures of local cosplayers.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hCiekaBz7i8

Next up we look at two groups that give back to the community: worldwide Star Wars reenactment groupThe 501st Legion and the Comic Book Legal Defense Fund.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sY42bhZIU50

Time to look at local. LARPing in the World of Darkness setting with NO Last call and an interview with Josh Adams (Neal Adams' other son).

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hiTW8ALRlck

Now for some purely local focus we talk to the Krewe du Who and Orion's Envy

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kkp51yJXF2I

Web series The Adventures of Keith Flippen is the focus of this episode,a long with a segment about Sci-Fi Speed Dating.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=O1sKtV1nCBY

The Terminator episode! Loki interviews Linda Hamilton (Sarah Connor) with the Skynet tech. We also talk to the Krewe of Chewbacchus as they prep for Carnival.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gfN8DuhnONA

many Comics fans don't realize that legendary writer Marv Wolfman is a computer geek from way back when. In this episode I let him test drive GoogleGglass and talk about the technology.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y81UyOWs2aQ

 

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Marv Wolfman Under Glass http://humidcity.com/2014/02/10/marv-wolfman-glass/ http://humidcity.com/2014/02/10/marv-wolfman-glass/#comments Tue, 11 Feb 2014 04:03:15 +0000 http://humidcity.com/?p=6012 So I was walking along on the Saturday of Comic Con and […]

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So I was walking along on the Saturday of Comic Con and came across Chris Claremont‘s table. While he was expressing his skepticism over my Google Glass another gentleman walked up and was warmly greeted. Having manners I took a pace back and let them talk.

Lo and behold, it was Marv Wolfman! As the obvious pseudo-cyborg I was both opvious and puled into the conversation quickly. Turns out that Mr. Wolfman is a tech geek and has been playing with computers since the pre-DOS days!

I offered to let him test drive Glass and this is what happened.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y81UyOWs2aQ

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Is L.A. > LA when paying to play? http://humidcity.com/2014/02/10/la-paying-to-play/ http://humidcity.com/2014/02/10/la-paying-to-play/#comments Tue, 11 Feb 2014 01:22:23 +0000 http://humidcity.com/?p=6004 FQ Horse Small

In October 2013, I left the place I love (New Orleans) […]

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In October 2013, I left the place I love (New Orleans) abruptly to focus my time and attention on a person I love (my father, as his health has become precarious at best). The vast majority of my belongings now reside in a climate-controlled storage unit, awaiting my return, and I was forced to choose carefully what would travel with me based upon what would fit into my car.

On my dresser in this speed bump of a dying steel town in Western PA, I have three cherished reminders of New Orleans: a stuffed gargoyle I caught at a Krewe d’Etat parade a few years ago, a glow-in-the-dark go cup from last year’s Krewe du Vieux parade, and a small painting on found wood by a woman named Sher Stewart that I purchased off the cast iron fence while walking home through Jackson Square on a sun-drenched June afternoon:

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“French Quarter Horse Tremé Wood” by Sher Stewart 6/5/12

Of all of the quirky keepsakes and objets d’art that surrounded me in New Orleans, these were the talismans I chose to remind me of home and that this change of stars is only a temporary matter.

Fortunately, thanks to the Interwebs, I’m still able to keep up on things. While catching up on the news from NOLA today, I read of the City Administration’s bungled effort to issue 20 permits allowing artists to sell their works in Jackson Square. For the third time this month, prospective permit recipients are anxiously awaiting the opportunity to complete the procurement process (“Jackson Square artists trapped in City Hall waiting game”).

I then remembered that this is not the first time in recent memory that the artistic talent of New Orleans has put in an appearance at City Hall… On 1/17/14, opponents of the still-spectral proposed noise ordinance took their fight inside the halls on Perdido Street, as reported by Alex Woodward of The Gambit:

“A band with several trumpets, trombones, guitars, banjos, and percussion — all powerfully playing ‘It Ain’t My Fault’ — paraded to the City Hall steps and through the glass doors and past security and the front desk. City Hall staff looked on and smiled from the second floor balcony.”

Mayor Landrieu issued a statement in response to this appearance, which included the following artfully-phrased sentiment:

“We will continue to be a partner in this effort as the Council creates a clear and enforceable ordinance that honors our cultural traditions, respects our neighborhoods, and promotes responsible businesses.”

Sax player

Fog enveloping a lone Jackson Square musician braving the elements.

As I considered these recent interactions between our artists, our musicians, and City Hall, the following question came to mind:

Why doesn’t the New Orleans City Administration work as hard at serving our own artists and musicians as it does when catering to Hollywood South?

For example, during the recent “Dawn of the Planet of the Apes” filming activity, several blocks of the Central Business District were taken over and streets were closed for almost two months’ time… I’m certain that the movie’s producers didn’t have to camp out at or storm City Hall to be permitted to do so. And although the economic gains of the more than 20 year-old Louisiana film tax credit program have yet to be verified and substantively documented, the city cuts through the red tape on behalf of Hollywood South through its Office of Cultural Economy’s Film New Orleans office. Hollywood South gets official press releases; everyday participants in New Orleans’ creative economy get controlled by ordinances and/or permits and rescheduled.

Hollywood South gets to occupy whatever it so pleases; the artists and musicians of New Orleans instead have to spend their time occupying City Hall… doesn’t that seem like our city is treating its own talent as the creative underclass? I’ll believe that it’s not separate and unequal if and when I ever see city staff and office space dedicated to serving the needs of our own talented and local creative economy.

For the past four months, I’ve been living in a place where live music performances are by far the exception (I’m lucky if something’s happening around here more than twice a month); local art by those who make and sell their work on a daily basis is also equally rare. I left a place where an extraordinary number of musicians perform original music as the bulk of their respective sets; now I get to hear technically perfect top 40 cover songs and maybe a single original tune every other set.

I’ve joked with friends that the only two things that work for me in this detestable place are the fact that there aren’t any thieving red light cameras and that the bars all feature heavy pours and cheap drinks. I’ve also wondered about why there’s an epidemic-level illegal drug problem in this dying steel town; is the fact that there’s zero local culture to be savored something which contributes to this state of being?

In New Orleans, my life has its own soundtrack and an open air art gallery to enjoy whenever I please; here I have only whatever is playing on the jukebox while surrounded by walls featuring advertising… it’s simply dismal.

New Orleans city officials must begin nurturing and protecting the city’s creative class by making its participants as much of a priority as is true for the tax-credit fueled boondoggle known as Hollywood South; to do anything less is to treat our city’s own talent as the creative underclass.

 


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Linda Hamilton, Google Glass, and Loki http://humidcity.com/2014/02/08/linda-hamilton-google-glass-loki/ http://humidcity.com/2014/02/08/linda-hamilton-google-glass-loki/#comments Sun, 09 Feb 2014 05:25:51 +0000 http://humidcity.com/?p=5999 SarahConnor

As we compile the photos and Glass videos shot today I […]

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SarahConnor

As we compile the photos and Glass videos shot today I decided I could not honorably leave you hanging. Here is a teaser of some of the coverage.Expect to see a number of short episodes in rapid succession over the next week or so as we edit it down. [EDIT: The teaser has now been replaced with the full episode which also includes an interlude with the Krew of Chewbacchus. -Loki] 

So here you go, Loki interviews Linda Hamilton, Sarah Conner from the Terminator films, through the vaugely Skynet-like Google Glass. A modicum of hilarity ensues.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gfN8DuhnONA

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Trial by Twitter http://humidcity.com/2014/02/07/trial-by-twitter/ http://humidcity.com/2014/02/07/trial-by-twitter/#comments Fri, 07 Feb 2014 22:29:16 +0000 http://humidcity.com/?p=5994 C. Ray Nagin

I’ve spent way too much time on the tweeter tube […]

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C. Ray Nagin

I’ve spent way too much time on the tweeter tube following the C Ray Nagin follies this week. Since I’ve had a hard time embedding tweets here at Lokiville, and THE MAN  is geeking out this weekend, I’m going to send you over to First Draft for my C Ray twitterpalooza coverage.

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Neal Adams at More Fun Comics and a Stan Lee Soundbite! http://humidcity.com/2014/02/07/neal-adams-and-stan-lee/ http://humidcity.com/2014/02/07/neal-adams-and-stan-lee/#comments Fri, 07 Feb 2014 17:37:11 +0000 http://humidcity.com/?p=5981 neal adams

It’s that time of year again! Comic Con New Orlea […]

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It’s that time of year again! Comic Con New Orleans is upon us! As we wait for the doors to open late this afternoon lets kick off this year’s coverage early.

Yesterday afternoon Neal Adams did an advance signing at More Fun Comics and I recorded the Q&A portion through my Google Glass. (This is sort of a test run on the new version of the hardware which just came in.) The man is a true raconteur and has tons of amazing stories. Learn a little about how he got his start, what it was like being a military kid in Germany during the post WWII rebuild, and more! It starts off with some of the chit chat beforehand and includes a good bit of NSFW language.

Next up is the surviving portion of an audio interview I did with Stan Lee. He only had about ten minutes on the phone, but due to technical difficulties only the first two minutes survived. Here is that little segment and the two questions that it contains.

So there we go, a little something geeky to get things started! Check back for more over the course of the weekend!

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One is the Mitchiest Number Redux http://humidcity.com/2014/02/04/one-mitchiest-number-redux/ http://humidcity.com/2014/02/04/one-mitchiest-number-redux/#comments Tue, 04 Feb 2014 17:26:47 +0000 http://humidcity.com/?p=5914 adrastos1

It’s tempting to call this the dullest New Orlean […]

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It’s tempting to call this the dullest New Orleans election since I moved here in 1987 but Marc Morial’s re-election in 1998 tops this one. There were some fun Council races as well as the Sheriff’s race, which are going to runoffs. Plus, my main man Quentin Brown got 2122 votes for Sheriff on his no-BS, no more platform. Straight up.

Time for some random and discursive comments on the 2-1-2014 primary:

Delusions of a Mayor’s Race: In the days leading up to the primary I was stunned to learn that there were people who thought that Judge Bagneris could either force a runoff or even win outright because there were so many Bagneris yard signs around town. I am not making this up, y’all.

It’s called wishful thinking plus only talking to people you agree with: the liberal equivalent of the Fox News echo chamber. The noise ordinance flap has united a certain segment of the population and they threw in with Bags after he belatedly took up their cause. It was way too little way too late.

To be blunt, Bagneris was a terrible candidate who ran a terrible race. He should get a refund from the consultants who green lighted his teevee ad campaign. The bio spots showed a bored jurist playing with his glasses. A negative ad featuring narration from Wendell Pierce was set to the tune of the Hank Williams classic Your Cheating Heart. Really? Insider whining to country music? A terrible ad by terrible consultants.

The lesson of the dull Mayor’s race is that you cannot beat something with nothing and you cannot beat history. The last time an incumbent Mayor lost was in 1946 when Chep Morrison beat 3 term incumbent Bob Maestri. By all accounts, Morrison was a splendid and passionate candidate who took on the machine before forming one of his own.

My theory as to why Bagneris ran is a simple and cynical one. He was asked to run by his friends at the formerly dominant alphabet groups (BOLD, LIFE, COUP) but they neglected to ask him to look like he gave a damn. His piss poor performance on the stump and at the ballot box didn’t help their faltering cause one iota. The Judge did, however, get his gold watch.

The Council Races: Illustrated that people are pretty happy with the status quo, as did the low turnout of a paltry 30%. Some fun things did happen. Cynthia Windy-Lewis ran and lost again thereby going from a serious pol to a perennial candidate. I guess that makes her the Harold Stassen of NOLA politicians.

The Other Cynthia, Hedgehog-Morrell, was term limited in her district, so she ran at-Large. There’s been some kerfuffle about her violating the spirit of term limits but I don’t care since I’m not a fan of term limits. Just look at the Louisiana Lege, it’s even more benighted than before term limits took effect. But I digress. I’m pleased that there will be a runoff and that Jason Williams made it. I’m pulling for him. I think he’ll make a good councilmember even if he won’t be as entertaining as the Cruella Deville of NOLA politics.

The other big news was veteran crazy lady Jackie Clarkson being forced into a runoff by Nadine Ramsey. This was a surprise but it’s not a victory for change driven politics: Ramsey is a veteran NOLA pol with ties-you guessed it-to the alphabet groups. I’m torn about this one. I don’t think Ramsey will be as entertaining on the council as Jackie but she probably won’t doze off during Council meetings. The runoff gives Jackie a chance to continue her farewell tour. It begs the musical question, how can we miss you when you won’t go away?

Our brief municipal nightmare continues: Speaking of farewell tours, Charlie Foti forced a runoff with Marlin Gusman. I think he and Jackie should join forces and campaign together with Sentimental Journey as their theme song. It will be like Dr. J’s farewell tour of NBA arenas, only without the adoring crowds.

The Sheriff’s race produced an oopsie moment for WWL-TV when numbers maven Greg Rigamer called the race for Gusman. It turned into a Florida in 2000 moment for the station when WWL had to retract the premature projection. Guess you could call it projectionus interruptus.

Former Sheriff Foti’s entering the race was the BEST THING that ever happened to Gusman. It allowed the incumbent to remind everyone that OPP has always sucked and that Foti had his own scandals and consent decree. Foti’s bumbling, mumbling campaign didn’t help matters either. I believe he’s still giving his election eve speech somewhere. He’s starting to remind me of the Old Man on Pawn Stars only without the wit and the cool fedoras. Hmm, maybe he should have Chumlee campaign with him..

The Gusman campaign was well run and financed. He had the two best ads of the season, the negative ad comparing Foti to an old car whose best days were long gone, and the spot with other local Sheriffs endorsing his re-election. It was smart to have popular and well-respected JP Sheriff Newell Normand as the spokescop delivering the message to Lakeview that while Gusman is bad, the other guy is worse.

The runoff should be interesting albeit somewhat depressing. I wonder if Gusman’s team will run any attack ads addressing Foti’s disgraceful term as Attorney General. One thing I’m sure of is that Gusman will be returned to a job that no one in their right mind should want.

Where do we go from here? The productive asshole has a mandate and I’m sure he’ll press on with more “reforms” that will continue the Disneyfication and gentrification of our town. It’s a Mitchey, Mitchey world, after all.

One caveat to the Landrieufication of NOLA politics is that past second term Mayors have run into problems with the Council. It’s happened to every Mayor in recent memory, even to Marc Morial who won by a larger margin than Mayor Mitchey. But this time there’s no obvious Mayor-in-waiting, which means that history may not repeat itself. But one of the reasons politics is so fascinating is that it can change in a heartbeat. Remember when Chris Christie was the GOP’s 2016 front runner?

 

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Malaka Of The Week: Drew Ward http://humidcity.com/2014/02/03/malaka-week-drew-ward/ http://humidcity.com/2014/02/03/malaka-week-drew-ward/#comments Mon, 03 Feb 2014 22:54:59 +0000 http://humidcity.com/?p=5930 adrastos1

This is a feature I’ve been doing for years. Firs […]

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adrastos1

This is a feature I’ve been doing for years. First at my former eponymous blog and now at First Draft. Malaka is a Greek word for a wanker, a jerk-off. But it is used by Greeks in the same way that we use the word fuck. It’s an all-purpose swear word. End of brief introduction.

Here at Humid City this feature will focus on local malakatude. There was a lot of it last weekend because of our local election. One person, however, stands heads and shoulders above the other prospects. Drew Ward who got his noisy, whiny ass kicked by Susan Guidry in the District A Council race.

A disclaimer. I’ve met Ward in the company of our mutual friend Lamar White. He seemed like a reasonably nice guy but it appears as if he needs a distemper shot. The candidate lost his shit on Twitter the other day and sounded more like a potty mouthed blogger than someone who wants one’s vote:

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That was Ward’s first salvo. Here is his second:

 

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Ward is young so perhaps I’m being too hard on him. Nah. He got 10% of the vote to Councilmember Guidry’s 66.8. It was all very predictable; especially since he insisted running as a progressive Republican. He may be the last one in the country. Hell, even John Georges had the sense to not run as a Goper in New Orleans.

Ward’s twitter feed is full of claims that he has evidence of people removing his signs. When I pressed him to put up or shut up, he did neither. He keeps changing his story. Sometimes there are pictures online but other times we’re told to let the police do their job. In a town with real crime why should they waste time on a spoiled brat’s charges of minor political sabotage? It’s ludicrous.

If Ward had any sense at all, he would withdraw his charges and apologize personally to Ms. Guidry for calling her a “lying bitch” instead of muttering vaguely about how he shouldn’t have used that phrase to the world at large.  I couldn’t find the exact tweet, but he’s not worth any more time than I’ve already spent on this malakatudinous nonsense.

The other thing that happened in my exchange with Malaka Sore Loserman is that he told me to do an online search for his “evidence.” I suggested that he post it where he leveled the charges, on Twitter. I don’t work for him, after all. Still nothing as of this writing.

Here’s the deal. Even if the signs were removed by opponents of Ward’s, he should suck it up, act like an adult and stop throwing this epic tantrum. He’s like an arsonist with a can of gasoline, pouring it on the fire of his own defeat. And that’s why Drew Ward is Malaka of the Week.

I’ll let Graham Parker have the last word:

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Undercover Brother http://humidcity.com/2014/02/03/undercover-brother/ http://humidcity.com/2014/02/03/undercover-brother/#comments Mon, 03 Feb 2014 17:38:53 +0000 http://humidcity.com/?p=5923 07nwmeffert

I posted this over at First Draft on Friday so it has s […]

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07nwmeffert

I posted this over at First Draft on Friday so it has some extra exposition but I thought I’d bring it here as well. I have been told by some of my sillier friends that Undercover Brother isn’t a bad movie. I plan to test that theory. Btw, I’m working on an election wrap up post. It should be up in the next few days.

1798171_10152034413442758_1438577699_n

You’re probably wondering why I’m going on about a bad 2002 movie that I’ve never seen, not even at 2AM on HBO-Malakatude. Here’s why. It was mentioned Friday at the corruption trial of former Mayor C Ray Nagin aka the Walking Id (stole that nickname from my old buddy Liprap.) It seems that C Ray is a fan of the movie, if, that is, it has any adherents:

Among the messages was one where Nagin advised Meffert not to deal with businessman Aaron Bennett because he talked too much, including to then-TP investigative reporter Gordon Russell.

There was also a message where Nagin was excited after finding out that Meffert had scored some tickets to the Saints’ 2007 NFC Championship game.

“You the man, and has always been my undercover brother.”

The undercover brother in question is the guy below who is one of the pastiest white boys you will ever see;

Medium_meffert

Dat da man? Apparently, he was to the grammatically challenged Nagin. Not any more. Meffert rolled over on his former boss/hero a few years back and ended his life as C Ray’s puppet, which was one reason the NOLA blogger Dambala dubbed him Muppet. Muppet was awestruck by C Ray’s hipster douchebaggery and jumped like a bug-eyed frog every time his master’s voice told him to. Muppet’s time on the witness stand was more entertaining than a barrel of crazy monkeys as is best documented by this tweet by the aforementioned mild mannered Journalistic bulldog, Gordon Russell:

Pin msg from Meffert to Nagin: “Gordon Russell up my ass and in my shit 24/7.” #nagintrial

— Gordon Russell (@GordonRussell1) January 31, 2014

and this instant classic:

 Meffert: “As things started to come out, I got increasingly worried. It was all kind of Velcroing to me.” #nagintrial

— Gordon Russell (@GordonRussell1) January 31, 2014

Velcroing is a new concept to me and a totally preposterous one, but this trial has so many farcical elements that it’s hard to pick and choose. That’s why I’m rambling and weaving all over the place like a drunken monkey. Hmm, another monkey image. Shock the monkey to life.

The other major witness today was crooked contratctor Frank Fucking Fradella. FFF was the dirt bag who bribed the Mayor in order to get work from the city. Part of the scam involved a company Nagin owned with his spawn callled-get ready-Stone Age Granite. It conjures up images of C Ray guest starring on an episode of The Flintstones and driving off with Fred to a lodge meeting or some such shit. Hmm, now that I think of it, Muppet was Barney to Ray Ray’s Fred. Yabba-dabba-do, man. Nagin says man a lot man but seems incapable of manning up. Peyton Manning? He’s up in Jersey hanging out with David Wildstein and Governor Fat Fuck. Maybe not since the former is flipping on the latter. This post is getting more and more like an overstuffed sofa every minute. That’s why they call me Shecky, folks.

Since I’m posting tweets (I haven’t got the hang of doing it all nice and fancy with an avatar ) here’s one from someone who is near and dear to me. In the immortal words of Bob Newhart, that, that, that would be me:

 C Ray was as incompetent a crook as he was a Mayor. Taking checks personally? What a maroon. #nagintrial

— Adrastos (@Adrastosno) January 31, 2014

Yes, that’s right, C Ray was not only on the take, but took the take himself. Try saying that 3 times after a few beers. I picture the eerily vain Nagin, taking the cash and then pausing at the mirror to buff his shiny but empty head. Unlike much of the post this is realistic. I was around C Ray on 3 or 4 occasions and every single time he preened and primped like a teenybopper before the prom. It’s as if Pete Townshend wrote Go To The Mirror for the Walking Id.

Back to the trial. The prosecution had a good day. Their case looks strong and Judge Ginger Berrigan (Clinton appointee and former card carrying ACLU lawyer) runs a tight ship but lifted her ban on ELECTRONIC DEVICES so the trial was live tweeted. It was a good day to sit at the computer and watch the Good Ship C Ray slowing sinking under the weight of his arrogance, stupidity, bad taste in movies, and failed granite business. And that brings me to the last tweet of the post:

Did Nagin take his undercover brother for granite? #nagintrial

— Adrastos (@Adrastosno) January 31, 2014

 

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Artists POV: Ryan Ballard of Chewbacchus http://humidcity.com/2014/02/02/artists-pov-ryan-ballard-chewbacchus/ http://humidcity.com/2014/02/02/artists-pov-ryan-ballard-chewbacchus/#comments Sun, 02 Feb 2014 06:26:40 +0000 http://humidcity.com/?p=5906 Ryan Ballard

Time for another dose of the New Orleans perspective. T […]

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Ryan Ballard

Ryan Ballard

Ryan Ballard

Time for another dose of the New Orleans perspective. This time we put the Google Glass on Ryan Ballard, Space Commander Chewbaccacabra, of the Intergalactic Krewe of Chewbacchus.  (For those unfamiliar this is a science fiction themed Carnival parade.)

This year the ante is going up, again, as they prepare a giant alligator mech that breathes plumes of fire.

As the next installment in our Artists POV series allow me to present a sneak preview of the great beast as it is constructed, narrated by the mad maker/artist whose fevered imagination is bringing it to life.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WvVh1Wr4pss

Keep your eyes open, there is a huge amount of new stuff coming down the pipe over the next few weeks. Between Mardi Gras and Comic Con the site will be buzzing!

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Foti Fans http://humidcity.com/2014/01/29/foti-fans/ http://humidcity.com/2014/01/29/foti-fans/#comments Wed, 29 Jan 2014 21:48:13 +0000 http://humidcity.com/?p=5896 B3Foti

I am not one. It’s the choice from hell. The ghos […]

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B3Foti

I am not one. It’s the choice from hell. The ghosts of malakatude past and present are duking it out in the Sheriff’s race. A run-off seems depressingly likely. To say it’s a bad choice is a grotesque understatement. I’ll be voting in the primary for Ira Thomas as opposed to a more entertaining option, Quentin Brown. Straight up.

Anyway, Dr. A and I took a brief stroll around our frigid hood and saw a Foti campaign sign was posted at Brothers Three on Magazine, which is, to be blunt, an old man’s bar; too old even for me, actually. Given the fact that Foti is 76, it’s destiny:

B3Foti

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Cum On Feel The Noize Ordinance http://humidcity.com/2014/01/18/cum-feel-noize-ordinance/ http://humidcity.com/2014/01/18/cum-feel-noize-ordinance/#comments Sat, 18 Jan 2014 06:23:43 +0000 http://humidcity.com/?p=5869 I’m sorry I missed the demonstration against the […]

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I’m sorry I missed the demonstration against the noise ordinance. It was really more of a defenestration since the bill was withdrawn by its sponsors. I’d like to give props to my council member Latoya Cantrell for having the good sense to let the protestors march into the council chamber and avert any possible trouble. Hmm, I wonder if there was any Tucks terlet paper involved? You could roll it out instead of a red carpet…

When will our City Council learn to NOT write over broad and unenforceable laws? Remember the tarot card reader flap? The answer to my rhetorical question is NEVER. The busy bodies and Uptown Ladies will see to it that we will continue to have these damn fool debates.

I, for one, wish everyone would take a chill pill, decide if there’s actually a problem and devise a common sense solution instead of posturing and sermonizing. Of course, it’s more fun to preach and pose so that’s unlikely. The best thing I’ve read about the whole thing came from vestigial Picayune columnist Jarvis DeBerry who is worried that the ordinance will grow like urban kudzu or topsy. I am too, which is why we should proceed with caution.

DeBerry also focuses on how this will impact real people in actual neighborhoods instead of banging on about the golden tourist goose or the importance of “culture bearers.” That’s a new term to me and a pretentious one to boot. I only hope that they’re smarter than the average bearer…

This entire post was an excuse to make that bearer pun and to post this Slade classic. Why? It’s what I do:

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The Festivus Election http://humidcity.com/2014/01/16/festivus-election/ http://humidcity.com/2014/01/16/festivus-election/#comments Thu, 16 Jan 2014 20:11:25 +0000 http://humidcity.com/?p=5847 It’s been a dull and somewhat dispiriting campaig […]

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It’s been a dull and somewhat dispiriting campaign for those of us who follow NOLA politics for its entertainment value. I live in Council District B and Latoya Cantrell has been re-elected without opposition. It’s probably a good thing that she didn’t, uh, roll, out the whole Tucks terlet paper thing until after qualifying.

The good news is that Cynthia Hedgehog Morrell and Jackie Clarkson may return to the Council. Btw, when I said good news I was referring to how these veteran pols bring the crazy to the Council chamber. If Jackie loses, I don’t know what the yellow blogger is gonna do, if he had any, I’d fear for his sanity.

The Mayoral campaign is showing a bit of life, not that the result is in any doubt, but people are trash talking Mayor Mitchmo with a vengeance. First there was PR flack Cheron Brylski with her Mitch as productive asshole email. Initially, I wrote that off as one of his big sister’s friends butting in on his campaign, but I wonder if it wasn’t a precooked response to a brand spanking new piece by Tyler Bridges at the Lens:

On the day he became mayor nearly four years ago, Mitch Landrieu delivered a stirring inaugural address. He concluded it by repeating a slogan from his campaign.

New Orleanians, he urged, should unify: “One team. One fight. One voice. One city.”

Since then, Landrieu has worked hard to move the city forward. But he has displayed little patience for those who aren’t on the team. While jovial and gregarious in public, he often lacerates and retaliates against those who question that one voice — his.

The Lens interviewed more than 30 New Orleans residents who said that the mayor mistreated or punished them after they expressed a contrary view, or that they had firsthand knowledge of the mayor’s heavy-handed behavior. They include current and former elected officials, business people, a wide range of civic activists, attorneys and an opponent in the 2010 mayoral race.

The article is well done and undoubtedly accurate. There are dozens of stories out there about the Mayor’s dickishness and malakatude. But while that’s all quite interesting and revealing to those who don’t follow local politics very closely, it’s not an effective tactic to defeat Landrieu at the ballot box. Judge Michael Bagneris, for some obscure reason, somehow thinks he can ride insider discontent to victory. If that is, you believe he’s playing to win. I don’t. I think he’s playing for payback.

I wish I were the first one to apply the Seinfeldian holiday of Festivus to this dreary campaign, but Stephanie Grace beat me to it:

Something about judge-turned-last minute mayoral candidate Michael Bagneris’ campaign kickoff got me thinking of, of all things, “Seinfeld.”

Maybe it was because the event fell on Christmas week, but as I listened to Bagneris and his supporters outline the many, many, many problems they have with New Orleans Mayor Mitch Landrieu, my mind went straight to the classic sitcom’s secular holiday of “Festivus” and its ritual “airing of grievances.”

I considered not giving Stephanie credit but I know her and was afraid that she’d retaliate by not throwing anything to me during Muses if she’s riding this year. It’s spot on but the Festivus campaign will not work for several reasons:

First, New Orleans Mayors win re-election. The original productive asshole, Dutch Morial, was returned to office. Nobody thought Sidney Barthelemy was a good Mayor except for city contractors and his relatives and he was re-elected. Hell, even the hapless C Ray Nagin won a second term despite the absence of that exploding economic pie that he so memorably promised. He, of course, beat the current occupant of the office. So it goes.

Second, even though *all* re-election campaigns focus on the incumbent’s record and personality, it HELPS TO BE FOR SOMETHING. It’s true in national, statewide, and local races, you cannot beat an incumbent by running a predominantly negative campaign. Ask John Kerry and Willard Mittbot Romney how that worked for them.

Finally, to beat an incumbent with a decent record and high favorability ratings, the challenger must have a pulse. Bagneris comes off as a fairly pleasant man in his deadly dull teevee spots. I tried to find them online, but could not, which is just as well because all I can remember from them is Bagneris fiddling with his glasses while an announcer recites dull facts about him. You cannot beat something with nothing. Sorry, your honor.

Just call this my Festivus post about this Festivus election.

 

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Long Division http://humidcity.com/2014/01/11/long-division/ http://humidcity.com/2014/01/11/long-division/#comments Sat, 11 Jan 2014 17:08:19 +0000 http://humidcity.com/?p=5843 Saints Logo

Last Episode… The Saints can’t win on the road. O […]

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Saints Logo

Saints LogoLast Episode…

The Saints can’t win on the road. Or outdoors. In cold weather. Yeah, I guess you told me…

Saints 27 – 507 yards: 387 passing, 120 rushing
Actual 26 – 435 yards: 250 passing, 185 rushing
Eagles 25 – 456 yards: 289 passing, 167 rushing
Actual 24 – 275 yards: 195 passing, 80 rushing

What was that I said about the only way we win is by not turning the ball over last week? Well, I’ve been wrong before. I stand by that statement though, so let’s try not to test the Who-Dat pacemakers this week, okay?

I decided to scrap my analysis of last week. It was pretty boring though I did have some pretty freaking awesome stuff about David Hawthorne, Cam Jordan and Junior Galette. Mostly that they’re pretty freaking awesome! Instead I’ve decided to filk some Walt Whitman for you. My only apology is for cutting it down from seventeen verses.

With apologies to Walt Whitman, not for the kipe, but for cutting it down from seventeen verses.

The Song of the Road Game

Afoot and light-hearted, I take to the open road game,
Pumped, crunked, the playoffs before me,
The long green turf before me, leading to New Jersey.

Henceforth I ask not good-fortune–I myself am good-fortune;
Henceforth I fumble no more, turn over no more, yield nothing,
Strong and intense, I travel the open road game.

The faith–that is sufficient;
I do not want the opposition any nearer;
I know they are very well where they are;
I know they suffice for those who root for them.

(Still here I carry my old pernicious road records;
I carry them, wins and losses–I carry them with me wherever I go;
I swear it is impossible for me to get rid of them;
I am defy’d by them, and I will defy them in return.)

-    -    -

The efflux of the road game is victory–here is victory;
I think it pervades the open-stadium air; waiting at all times;
Now it flows unto us–we are rightly charged!

Here rises the pride and attaching dignity;
The pride and attaching dignity is the freshness and sweetness of man and ball;
(The turf of the morning sprouts no fresher and sweeter every day out of the soil, than it sprouts fresh and sweet continually out of itself.)

Toward the pride and attaching dignity exudes the cheering of the fans, of the young and old;
From it falls distill’d the success that mocks predictions and naysayers;
Toward it heaves the shuddering longing ache of vindication.

-    -    -

Allon-zee! The road game is before us!
It is dangerous–I have tried it–my own cleats have tried it well.
Alon-zee! Be not penalized!
Let the flags remain on the hip unthrown, and the yards on the turf unassessed!
Let their offense remain on the sideline! Let their points remain unearn’d!
Let the play stand! Mind not the cry of the zebra!
Let the fan scream from his bleacher! Let the coach complain in his post-game and let the analyst expound the rules!

Mon Who-Dat! I give you my faith!
I give you my faith, more precious than love,
I give you myself before records and stats;
Will you give me yourself? Will you come travel with me?
Shall we stick by each other as long as we live?

Week 19
The Machine disagrees with my faith this week (by only two points) so I’m rolling my own score. Considering the history of “payback” playoff games, the Saints should manhandle the Seahawks 48-24 but I’m not letting myself go nuts here. What I will call is a very busy day in the Seahawk  backfield for Jordan and Galette and for my Crazy Polock Prediction I’ve got Khiry Robinson for a 50+ yard TD run somewhere in the second half. WHO-DAT!!

Saints 29 – 451 yards: 325 passing, 126 rushing
Seahawks 24 – 416 yards: 261 passing, 155 rushing

-M

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A Stanton Moore Drum Lesson From HumidCity http://humidcity.com/2014/01/05/stanton-moore-drum-lesson-humidcity/ http://humidcity.com/2014/01/05/stanton-moore-drum-lesson-humidcity/#comments Mon, 06 Jan 2014 00:41:53 +0000 http://humidcity.com/?p=5832 SONO-CAMP-POSTER-FINAL1

Thanks to a happenstance connection when I was followin […]

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SONO-CAMP-POSTER-FINAL1

SONO-CAMP-POSTER-FINAL1

Thanks to a happenstance connection when I was following up on a press release about something else entirely I managed to create a treat for the percussion minded among our readers.

MusoEntertainment sponsored the Spirit of New Orleans Drum Camp featuring Stanton Moore and they were kind enough to let us become part of the proceedings. Our New Year’s gift to you from HumidCity is a 20 minute drum lesson filmed from Stanton’s perspective through Google Glass.

Learn about:

  • What to do with your snare drum for a second line sound
  • The iPhone as a muting device
  • What it looks like to Stanton when he goes off on a nine minute jam
  • What it was like taking lessons from Johnny Vidacovich

{If you are a fan, or just dig what you see here, consider supporting Stanton’s IndieGoGo campaign in raising money to record a new jazz album!}


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bW24NVt3D90


Many thanks to MusoEntertainment and Stanton Moore for participating with such vigor and panache!

Thanks Elizabeth!

Thanks Elizabeth!

Stanton Moore

Stanton Moore

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Wild Thing http://humidcity.com/2014/01/04/wild-thing/ http://humidcity.com/2014/01/04/wild-thing/#comments Sun, 05 Jan 2014 01:27:25 +0000 http://humidcity.com/?p=5829 Saints Logo

Last Episode… Here we are in Week 18, the Wild Card rou […]

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Saints Logo

Saints LogoLast Episode…

Here we are in Week 18, the Wild Card round of the 2013 NFL Playoffs. All you kids yammering  on and on last week about “I hope we lose to teach us a lesson” and “We suck in the regular season, we’re gonna suck in the payoffs” can just close the page right now and put your Eagles skirts on right now. I got no time for you.

I was told last week by numerous people that I wasn’t being a “realist” about the team. That I was ignoring massive problems that would make it impossible for the Saints to even keep it close in a playoff game. My reaction, of course, was -and remains- “bullshit”.

Anyone who follows me here on HumidCity knows that I’m the first person to point out the Saints huge steaming piles of suck from week to week. Yes, I am a realist. But being a realist is is one thing; being a fan is a whole other thing! Yes, the Saints have numerous problems but that shouldn’t stop fans from rooting for them! If it does then perhaps you should find another sport to watch because honestly, the real fans don’t need your fair weather ass in that number. I hear golf is nice.

Rooting is done out of love and pride. There are currently 20 other teams in the NFL whose fans are crying softly on the couch and switching allegiance for the next four weeks. Odds are they’ll switch two more times before the Superbowl. Meanwhile, the Saints are set to take the field and I’m going balls-out Black and Gold for the next three hours!

Oh, and to you media prats who keep repeating the Saints have never won a road playoff game? First, Superbowl 44 was a road game. You can split the hair that the Superbowl isn’t a “playoff” game, but essentially it is. And we won one. On the road. Second, I seem to remember the majority of the “expert” media proffering opinions on how the Saints had never gotten past round two and never been to the Superbowl and would never get past the Colts even if they did manage to make it all the way to the Big Dance. You’re essentially the same overpaid idiots that wrote the 2005 Steelers off since a 6th seed team had never won a Superbowl. Keep talking… I love the results when you do!

Week 16
I hope Payton knows what he’s doing. Seven straight days of hearing about new planes, new warm-up suits, new Gatorade, new beefy-Mac recipies… I suppose that’s Payton’s way of dodging actual questions and keeping his gameplan under wraps, but I’m fucking sick of hearing about it. And if we lose, he’s going to look like a the biggest idiot in the NFL. We shall see.

While most people look at the Eagles and see Nick Foles as the key to victory, they should look deeper. If they did they’d see that Foles’ success is directly related to the Eagles defense which has a +12 turnover ratio. The Saints are at +0. And we all know the old wives’ tale that offenses win football games, defenses win championships. It’s usually true. So the key to victory on offense is NO FREAKING TURNOVERS! This is usually understood by professional football teams but I thought I’d emphasize it just in case… Bring the offense like you mean it and half our game is won.

If we have a chance to dominate this game it rests squarely on Rob Ryan’s defense. Eagles QBs have been sacked 48 times this year compared to Drew Brees’ 37. That’s a lot, but 15 of those came against Michael Vick in the first three games of the season. Foles is cautious, throwing only 9 interceptions in 13 games but that explains his 28 sacks only four of which resulted in fumbles. Still, it looks good for Junior Galette and Cameron Jordan and if they can get into the backfield enough to rattle Foles then there’s the other half of the game That Number moves on to the divisional round!

Saints 27 – 507 yards: 387 passing, 120 rushing
Eagles 25 – 456 yards: 289 passing, 167 rushing

End of Regular Season Statistical Frippery:
Pierre Thomas (228-13th) unties Danny Abramowicz (222) on the franchise scoring list. Thomas (38-8th) also untied Abramowicz (37) on the franchise TD list.

Drew Brees (54-61st) unties Chris Ivory, Bob Newland and Andy Livingston (48) on the franchise scoring list and is now tied with Don McCall, Bob Gresham, Derek D Brown, Jerome Pathon and Aaron Stecker. By NFL standards TD receptions are applied to receivers and not QB’s, however… if you included those on Brees stats he would have 1746 points scored, 428 ahead of Morten Andersen. Brees (8-53rd) untied seven other players on the franchise TD list and tied four others.

Kenny Stills (30-87th) unties thirteen other players (24) on the franchise scoring list and moves into a 16-way tie. Stills (5-43rd) moved out of a thirteen-way tie and into a six-way tie on the franchise TD reception list.

Lance Moore (38-6th) moved out of an eighteen-way tie and into a fourteen-way tie on the franchise interception list.

Jimmy Graham (248-10th) moved past Charlie Durkee (243) on the franchise scoring list. Graham (3863-7th) also passed Hoby Brenner (3849) on the franchise receiving yards list.

Keenan Lewis (4-57th) moved ahead of Danny Abramowicz (37) on the franchise TD reception list.

Roman Harper (534-4th) moved ahead of Wayne Martin (531) on the franchise combined tackle list!

Shayne Graham (8-18th) jumped Florian Kempf (1), Tony Galbreath (1), Tom Jurich (2), John Leypoldt (4), Mike Cofer, Toni Linhart, Skip Butler (5 each) and Russell Erxleben (7) on the franchise XP list. He is now tied with Toni Fritsch.

The Sack Race:
With two sacks against the Bucs Junior Galette (21.5-17th) swapped spots with Cameron Jordan (20.5-18th) on the franchise sack list. Despite this Galette ends the season at 12.0 sacks, just half a sack behind Jordan with 12.5! Congratulations to both of them for one hell of a combined season!

-M

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Tabby Thomas, R.I.P. http://humidcity.com/2014/01/02/tabby-thomas-r-p/ http://humidcity.com/2014/01/02/tabby-thomas-r-p/#comments Thu, 02 Jan 2014 19:21:19 +0000 http://humidcity.com/?p=5821 Tabby-Blues-Box

I went to LSU in the 1980′s and hated most things […]

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Tabby-Blues-Box

Tabby-Blues-Box

I went to LSU in the 1980′s and hated most things about Baton Rouge. One of my favorite places there was Tabby’s Blues Box. It was a funky, sweaty, smokey hole in the wall in downtown Red Stick that was a great place to hear some down home swamp blues. Its proprietor and main performing artist, Tabby Thomas died yesterday at the age of 84. He was a helluva blues belter and a warm and generous host. He’ll be missed.

Here’s some of Rockin’ Tabby’s music. Enjoy some real Looziana blooze:

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You’re The Reason Our Kids Are Ugly http://humidcity.com/2013/12/29/youre-reason-kids-ugly/ http://humidcity.com/2013/12/29/youre-reason-kids-ugly/#comments Sun, 29 Dec 2013 18:03:00 +0000 http://humidcity.com/?p=5818 Last Episode… Sean Payton made drastic changes to the N […]

The post You’re The Reason Our Kids Are Ugly by M Styborski appeared first on HumidCity.

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Saints LogoLast Episode…
Sean Payton made drastic changes to the New Orleans Saints roster after a miserable game in St Louis in which the team could only muster 16 lousy points. Gone were DB Chris Carr (11 games, 1 INT, 4 PD, 9 T, 4 A) and K Garrett Hartley (57 games, 82/101 FG, 176/177 XP). Semi-gone was T Charles Brown who was placed on the bench in favor of untested rookie Terron Armstead.

The results were even worse.

The Saints scored 13 total points. Only the 7 points scored against Seattle is lower this season. Aaron Kromer’s lowest score was 13 points in 2012. Shayne Graham debuted at 100% nailing two FGs and one XP and that was the extent of Sean Paytons “new look” Saints’ effectiveness. Armstead was beaten thrice, twice by Greg Hardy, for sacks against Drew Brees who went down six times total in the loss. And leave us not forget two false start penalties that Armstead committed. To his credit, Armstead managed to stifle his jitters in the second half only alowing one sack.

Of course, this is far from a vindication of Garret Hartley -who indeed had trouble this year- but it sheds light on the bigger picture. Hartley was not the problem. Not one single missed kick would have changed the outcome of any game this season. But rather than address Drew Brees’ apparent faltering arm and vision, the offensive line’s inability to open a lane for the running backs, or the RBs inability to rush into anything resembling open space, Sean Payton took it upon himself to focus on the least of his problems.

Not to mention Payton’s newfound penchant for Mora-esque dink plays. A friend of mine, Savage Joe, hit the nail on the head last Sunday when he dubbed it the “prevent offense”. A glance at the gamebook tells the story: Of our ten longest plays only five were over 20 yards! 11, 13, 13, 13, 19, 21, 22, 34, 35 and 46. The 34-yarder was a Mark Ingram run. The other nine were passes, only three of which are classified “deep”" meaning over 10 yards. Three!!

That’s not a kicking problem, folks, that’s a play-calling problem. Yes, Payton finally showed some fire with a first-half onside kick and it worked, but later in the game he tried a fake kick that was so poorly executed that the players probably should have been! Fake kicks work when you snap to the holder and he passes or runs the ball. Not when the kicker slowly trots over to line up as a blocking tight-end giving the defense time to shift into ready positions!

And then there’s the old clock-management bugaboo. With 6:37 left in the game, after going up 13-7, the Saints defense held Carolina to three-and-out. We got the ball back with 4:52. And what happened? 2-yd rush, incomplete, sack, punt. That left 3:52 and again the defense held Carolina to three-and-out. Saints ball with 1:57 to go. Three runs in a row, up the middle into the tangled mass of bodies, no holes anywhere, no real yardage and no damn first down.

After watching Payton walk dimissively away from an obviously pissed-off Drew Brees during last week’s game after a horrible series I wonder if the honeymoon is over. Payton might as well have stayed in fucking Texas if this is going to be the outcome every other week. (Or, if you’re a fan of empirical observation, every week…) Jim Mora’s been hanging around town for no reason other than his weekly babble segment on WDSU; we could put him back in charge for a tenth of the cost and still get these results!

Week 16
Here we go again… The numbers say Saints but they’ve been saying that for the last three weeks. If the statistical team shows up today it’s a lock. If Sean Payton’s team shows up… well, then it’s anybody’s guess.

Saints 23 – 424 yards: 307 passing, 117 rushing
Buccaneers 18 – 336 yards: 211 passing, 125 rushing

Department of Statistical Frippery:
Shayne Graham (2-21st-t) becomes the 26th player to kick a ball for the Saints and passed Mike Cofer and Skip Butler (1 each) on the franchise FG list. Graham is now tied with John Leypoldt, Tony Galbreath and Toni Linhart.

Mark Ingram (353-18th) passed Aaron Brooks (340) in franchise rushing attempts. Ingram (1443-15th) also jumped Brooks (1410) and Donald D Brown (1383) in rushing yards. Ingram is 5 attempts away from dropping Archie Manning (357) down a spot.

Jimmy Graham (299-6th) passed Reggie Bush (294) in franchise receptions. Graham (3792-8th) also passed Quinn Early (3758) in receiving yards.

The Sack Race:
Cameron Jordan (20.5-17th) and Junior Galette (19.5-18th) each recorded a sack on Cam Newton after being blanked against St Louis. Jordan (12.5) remains ahead of Galette (10)  on the year.

-M

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