HumidCity Handing New Orleanians a Megaphone Since April 2005 Mon, 15 Dec 2014 16:38:52 +0000 en-US hourly 1 Saints 2014|15 Mon, 15 Dec 2014 16:38:52 +0000 Saints Logo

It’s our ninth stop at 5-8. Fifth straight game w […]

The post Saints 2014|15 by M Styborski appeared first on HumidCity.

Saints Logo

Saints Logo

It’s our ninth stop at 5-8. Fifth straight game without a rushing TD. No INTs. No sacks. 29 completions out of 49 attempts and just 235 passing yards. And that’s all I care to discuss about one of the most miserable performances by professional athletes ever in this city.

And we’re off on the road to Chicago. The Bears lead the series 15-13; tied at 2-2 SPE. What’s gonna happen on Monday Night? I hesitate to add the word “football” to the end of that query as both teams have difficulty in providing evidence of avocation in that field of late. Or, in Drunk-At-The-End-Of-The-Bar terms… they both suck eggs!

While both Saints and Bears have shown a complete disregard for anything remotely resembling professional football this season, the Saints have actually managed to score more than 30 points a handful of times, unlike their ursine counterparts whose best total to date is 28 points; a win against SF early in the season and a loss to Dallas last week. Defensively however, they both have allowed 30+ points in six games each; Chicago in their last two games and New Orleans in their last three.

Evidence would suggest a Saints road domination like that in Pittsburgh just two weeks ago, but the Steelers are a good team. The Bears, being what they are, should have no trouble decimating our anemic defense; a bear trap game, if you will. After all, the Panthers laid bare every weakness in the collective agglomeration of talented individuals on our roster. (Surely you don’t expect me to call the Saints a “team” at this point?)

Both Saints and Bears are a dismal 5-8. Chicago emerged victorious against the Niners, Jets, Falcons, Vikings and Buccaneers. Not necessarily the most fearsome collection of opponents. The Saints bested the Vikings, Buccaneers, Packers, Panthers and Steelers. Similar opponents with the exception of the Packers and Steelers, both on the road to the post-season.

Honestly, if you took all the aspects –good and bad– of both teams, and cast them into the air like runes, you’d be… well, picking up aspects for the next three hours. And you’d miss the few that rolled under the couch and they’d begin to stink after a few days and eventually the cat would wake you up with one morning, clutching a twitching aspect between her teeth and you’d think to yourself, “Oh, I forgot about that! It all makes sense now!” So… let’s not then.

The Machine went into conniptions as I force fed the stats into it this week. It petulantly refused to calculate by automation and I had to hand-crank it like a meat grinder, which is pretty much what this game is going to be: two sub-par teams beating the crap out of one another in order to prove that the world is wrong about them; that they are still relevant. Good luck with that. The Machine says Chicago 29-27. The Machine is insane. I’m willing to give the Bears their highest point total this year, but unwilling to bet on them winning. Though if I do, perhaps the Saints will show up just to prove me wrong… Fuck it. I’m on a roll.

Saints: 37

Bears: 29

Here, have some numerical frippery!

Drew Brees (140-13th) passed Will Smith’s service record by one game. I don’t even want to bring this up, but… Drew Brees’ next sack will be his 200th. That will still put him nine behind Aaron Brooks and 140 behind Archie Manning. Still, that will only be 12.89% of the 1551 sacks that Saints QBs have taken over the years!

Mark Ingram (102-37th) is one TD away from Ricky Williams and Archie Manning on the points list.

Pierre Thomas (816-5th) passed Ricky Williams (814) in rushing attempts.

Travaris Cadet (336-100th) broke his receiving yards tie with Jim Thaxton (323) and moved ahead of Lorenzo Neal (326).

Marques Colston (653-1st) caught his 650th pass and (9043-1st) 9000th yard as a Saint!

Kenny Stills (79-48th) is one reception away from Al Dodd (80).

Jimmy Graham (300-9th) needs one TD to tie Joe Horn on the points list and (50-t-2nd) pass Horn on the receiving TD list.

Jalen Saunders broke with Sea Payton’s tradition of fair catches and kneeling down in the end-zone by returning three punts for 68 yards. It’s almost as if the ghost of Darren Sproles returned for a game.

Jahri Evans (139-t-14th) tied Will Smith’s service record.

Shayne Graham (103-36th) passed Mark Ingram (102-37th) on the points list. Graham is five points away from Ricky Williams and Archie Manning (108).

Joe Morgan was given his walking papers in what is becoming a week 15 trend for Sean Payton: fixing the problem by cutting someone who’s not the problem so that the problem will see that there’s a problem and fix itself. Morgan ends his paid vacation with the Saints playing in just 19 of 61 games over the last four years. He collected 11 receptions for 386 yards (35.1 avg) and 3 TDs. Morgan also had 2 rushes for 68 yards One of those attempts was a one yard run; you can figure the other out for yourself.

-M Styborski

The post Saints 2014|15 by M Styborski appeared first on HumidCity.

]]> 0
Saints 2014|14 Sun, 07 Dec 2014 14:52:32 +0000 Saints Logo

For the seventh time the Saints have landed at 5-7. Jim […]

The post Saints 2014|14 by M Styborski appeared first on HumidCity.

Saints Logo

Saints Logo

For the seventh time the Saints have landed at 5-7. Jim Mora’s 1990 team finished at 8-8 and that’s about it for “winning” records from this stage, but with Carolina, Chicago, Atlanta and Tampa Bay at the end of our schedule it’s possible we could finish above .500. The only thing standing in our way is consistency.

By now you’ve heard how the “vastly improved” offense and/or defense defeated the 7-4 Steelers. On the road. A game we were 100% destined to lose. Like I said last week, the minute I predict one outcome, the trap will spring and the egg will hit me square in the face. Admittedly, it’s nice to read some good things about the 2014 Saints, but I take issue with “vastly improved”. Again, I say: consistency. A string of similar games would deserve that description, but until I see them, last week remains a fluke. But a very nice fluke nonetheless.

It was our fourth straight game without a rushing TD but when the passing game is on fire, who the hell cares? Drew Brees, (who a week before threw 3 TDs in a 420 passing yard loss,) managed 5 TDs in just 257 yards! Of course turnovers helped. Despite Patrick Robinson’s refusal to catch three interceptions thrown directly to him, the Saints capitalized with TDs on INTs by Cam Jordan and Kenny Vaccaro. Vastly Improved? Well, better than the goose-eggs the secondary has been stating all year but at this point, still fluke.

And speaking of fluke, I still don’t see how the Saints won. 150 fewer total yards, half as many 1Ds, worse 3D conversion percentage, 30 fewer plays, twice the penalties for three times the yardage, and eight fewer minutes of possession! About the only stat we won were those two INTs compared to the Steelers’ 0. And, of course, Brees’ 140.0 passer rating versus Big Ben’s 76.4. Mind boggling.

So here come the Carolina Panthers who lead the series 20-19, but the Saints have the edge 8-7, SPE. Everything about this game screams trap. While the Saints have been a train wreck this year, the Panthers have been the train that deliberately switches full-speed onto the track that stops at a mountain that hasn’t had a tunnel dug yet and already has four wrecked trains ablaze in front of it and a big red sign with white letters in all caps that reads “YOU’RE GOING TO CRASH AND BURN!” Yeah, they’re essentially the Wile E. Coyote of the NFC South. Plus, the Saints are still something like 90% at home over the last four years and coming off a win nobody thought they’d get. The offense proved it can dominate and the defense proved it can stop a tough opponent. So…trap.

Still, how can I not pick the Saints? The Machine calls it a 24-23 Saints win and I should go with that; it’s the best average of all scenarios including blowouts either way. And while I can’t justify placing an over-abundance of Faith in this Saints team, neither can I give Carolina the benefit of the doubt that their team will even show up today! Besides, I’ve been drinking and it’s no fun rooting your team to a one-point victory, so…

Panthers: 20

Saints: 38

And I no longer care if I’m close to correct as the one consistent element to this team is its’ inconsistency! Meanwhile, back in the jungle, there’s fresh numerical frippery just hanging low from the trees!

Drew Brees (139-t-13th) tied Will Smith’s service record. Brees (5479-1st) is 21 attempts away from #5500. Brees last completion of the Steeler game was his #3700.

Mark Ingram (528-11th) passed Reggie Bush (524) in rushing attempts.

Marques Colston (8971-1st) is now just 29 yards from being the first Saint with a career 9000 receiving yards!

Jimmy Graham caught no passes and was not targeted at all. Wonder what he did to piss off Payton.

Eric Lorig and Nick Toon Became the 314th and 315th Saints to score points in a game. (278th and 279th to score TDs; 145th and 146th by pass.)

Cam Jordan (27.5-14th) trails Junior Galette (28.5) by one sack. For the season he trails 6-7. Jordan made the Saints only sack against the Steelers.

Last week’s grabass winner, Nick Becton, failed to engage Terrence Frederick into a rematch this week. No doubt Frederick is ashamed of his meager showing last week. The two did trade sullen looks most of the game with Becton again defeating Frederick in four sets; 6-3, 4-6, 6-4, 6-1.

-M Styborski

The post Saints 2014|14 by M Styborski appeared first on HumidCity.

]]> 0
Saints 2014|13 Sun, 30 Nov 2014 12:02:25 +0000 Saints Logo

Momma says if you can’t say anything nice about a […]

The post Saints 2014|13 by M Styborski appeared first on HumidCity.

Saints Logo

Saints LogoMomma says if you can’t say anything nice about a team then don’t say anything at all. Be a short post if I adhered to that.

It’s the ninth stop at 4-7 for the Saints. Jim Haslett’s 2004 team went 8-8; Mora took the 1994 and 1995 teams to 7-9; Ditka went 6-10 in 1997. In 14-game seasons the other 4-7 teams finished thrice at at 5-9 and once at 4-10. The odds are now against us.

It’s been three straight games –make that three straight home games– without a rushing TD! Point the finger squarely at the O-line which has been protecting Drew Brees rather well, but can’t seem to open a hole for the running backs who continue to plow blindly into the enmeshed pile of bodies at the line of scrimmage. While that’s bad enough, the entire offense is fraught with indecision. From Drew Brees’ inexplicable start-stop-start-stop-tackled on the opening drive of the Baltimore game to any number of offensive plays where a Saint gets the ball then does some long division in his head trying to decide where he wants to be tackled. And invariably it’s where he’s standing! More often than not this results in 2- to 3-yard plays. Three of those in a row result in a punt. Go figure. Even I know that moving forward an extra two-three yards will get you closer to the goal!

Meanwhile, our fully capable receiving corps is now inexplicably bolstered by former Jets WR Jalen Saunders. I guess there’s no confidence in the health of any of our wideouts. Against Baltimore, Joe Morgan took a reverse sweep for 62 yards before being horse-collared at the two he and caught his only target for another 67 yards. Despite this, Brees and Sean Payton ignored him for the rest of the game. Incontheiveable!

And here come the Pittsburgh Steelers with the series tied at seven apiece and against Payton one each. The Saints lead in the Louisiana Superdome 5-4 while the Steelers lead 3-2 when hosting. New Orleans hasn’t topped the Steelers in the Burgh since Mora in 1987. I’m 1-1 when attending in the Dome: A 9-6 Steeler victory in a defensive slugfest known as the Battle of the Anderso/ens in 1990 and the 20-10 Saints win on Halloween in 2010. Mom did invite me up to the Burgh for the game this week, though when I asked her how she got tickets she said, “What tickets? We’ll watch it on TV!” Hurm…

The Steelers might have been one of the Saints oldest rivalries had the NFL not been such a fan of musical chairs in the late-sixties. In 1967 The Saints joined the league as its sixteenth team allowing the NFL to realign into a 4/4/2 scheme of teams/divisions/conferences. New Orleans joined the Eastern Conference Capital Division with Dallas, Philly and Washington. In 1968 the Saints traded spots with the Giants, moving into the Century Division with Cleveland, Pittsburgh and the St Louis Cardinals but swapped back in 1969. Then in 1970 the Saints were moved into the all-too-familiar and not-missed-at-all NFC West along with San Fran, Atlanta and the LA Rams.

Both Saints and Steelers managed the early part of the 2014 season badly; losing games they should have won and trouncing opponents they should have fallen to. Both teams stayed on a similar roller coaster but Pittsburgh has managed to put seven ticks in their W column–the opposite of the Saints. Yet even with the Saints troubles I had this game marked down as a victory for them; now… not so much. In fact, I don’t see them even competing in this one as Ike Taylor and Troy Polamalu return from injuries. Granted, Taylor will more than likely give the Saints at least one massive pass interference call on third-and-crucial –possibly two– but Polamalu will terrorize Brees on every play. It’s not going to be pretty. It will be interesting, though, to see how the Steelers utilize Lance Moore in this game and if the Saints will put Keenan Lewis on him.

The Machine says Stillers win, 25-21. Sure, why not! Except the minute I pick one team the other will bring a trouncing. Especially the Saints who are back to predictable form being waylaid by chumps and embarrassing contenders. If I were you, I’d bet against me!

Saints: 17
Steelers: 30

Meanwhile, here’s the hot and fresh frippery from our table to yours!

Drew Brees (138-t-14th) will tie Will Smith’s (139-13th) service total today! Brees (310-51st) passed Rod McNeill (296), Billy Kilmer (299), Wilmont Perry (302) and John Fourcade (302) in rushing yards. Brees (7261-4th) also moved past John Elway (7250-5th) in career passing attempts.

Pierre Thomas (314-6th) passed Danny Abramowicz (309) in receptions.

Mark Ingram (2107-11th) passed Reggie Bush (2090) in rushing yards.

Marques Colston (65-1st) caught his 65th TD pass! Colston (8955-1st) is 45 yards from being the first Saint with a career 9000 receiving yards!

Kenny Stills (1170-38th) passed Mike A Jones (1045), Chuck Muncie (1086), Ricky Williams (1092), Wesley Walls (1100), Boo Wiliams (1143) and Cam Cleeland (1147) on the receiving yards list!

Joe Morgan played his 17th game in three years! Morgan (68-104th) moved up from 196th in rushing yards with a single 67-yard run! Additionally, Morgan (448-78th) moved 12 spots past 14 players on his one catch for 62 yards! Morgan (12-152nd) also moved his receptions/game up to 0.71!

Nick Toon got in his 11th game in two years catching three balls for 42 yards!

Jimmy Graham (300-9th) scored his 300th career point as a Saint breaking his tie with Eric Martin and is one score away from Joe Horn (306). Graham (50-t-4th) also untied Martin and Quinn Early (48) and tied Horn (50) in total and receiving TDs.

Shayne Graham (94-39th) passed John Tice and Wes Chandler (both 90) on the points list. Graham (40-10th) also passed Garo Yepremian (39) on the XP list.

S Pierre Warren, LB Moise Fokou and WR Jalen Saunders became the 855th, 856th and 857th players to wear the Black and Gold. Warren (5-226th) became the 312th Saint to make a tackle.

The grabass game was filled by WR Terrence Frederick (one game) and OT Nick Becton (two games), both new additions who have yet to take the field. Becton won in three straight sets: 6-3, 6-4, 6-1.

-M Styborski

The post Saints 2014|13 by M Styborski appeared first on HumidCity.

]]> 0
Saints 2014|12 Mon, 24 Nov 2014 22:44:50 +0000 Saints Logo

Ahh… smell that 4-6 air! In one game the 2014 Saints dr […]

The post Saints 2014|12 by M Styborski appeared first on HumidCity.

Saints Logo

Saints LogoAhh… smell that 4-6 air! In one game the 2014 Saints dropped from the 20th worst season to the 29th. It’s our eighth visit to 4-6 and a winning season is now officially debatable. no 4-6 Saints team has ever finished better than 8-8.

The most vocal critics of the team are pointing fingers at Rob Ryan’s defense, specifically after allowing Cincinatti to score 27 points. This probably makes them feel better while ignoring the problems of the offense. To date, this season, the NFL average points scored per team is 23. The Saints themselves are averaging 26 while the defense is allowing an average of 25. So yes, our D performed sub-par against Cinci to the tune of four points compared to the NFL average and two points to its own average. The Bengals themselves average 22 points on both sides of the ball, so our D allowed them to do five points better than average. But their D, well…

The elephant in the room folks shy away from mentioning: Our offense only managed to put up an anemic 10 points last Sunday. Sixteen points less than we usually get and 12 points less than the Bengals usually allow! And while the Saints have scored 10 or less only a half dozen times in road losses over the last few years the last time we did so at home was in week 15 of the 2006 season, losing to the Redskins 10-16. That’s almost eight years ago!

And you folks with the “We got Superbowl rings, we should be doing better!” arguments better check yourselves. Only about ten members of our 53-man roster have those rings. The other Championship Saints have been broken, retired, traded and dismissed from service. Some of them are still kicking ass elsewhere in the NFL despite the Saints writing them off as over-the-hill. Darren Sproles is returning kicks for TDs in Philly with fellow ex-Saint Malcolm Jenkins who has three INTs including a pick-6. Roman Harper has three INTs in Carolina. The Saints D has just seven this season.

You want answers? Look beyond the field to the sidelines and then look past that to the Future Planning. New talent is great, but you can’t simply cut the vets and hope talent will out! The Saints currently rank 3rd in total yards (424.5/gm) but 7th in points (26.1/gm). Our 424.5 yard average per game is 5 trips to the endzone from our own 15. And we’re having trouble getting there more than twice from the 20 and beyond!

And here come the Baltimore Ravens who lead the series 4-1, 2-0 in the SPE. Relaxed from a bye week, the Ravens are going to be a huge test on whether we sink or swim! Did I just write that? Does it need saying? No. The Ravens are brutal and relentless and have been for years. The only thing that will save us here is skill, execution, coaching and good clock management! And perhaps a little voodun! The Machine says it’s close at 23-22 Saints which means it will probably be a blowout with a 50/50 chance of either team winning. Me, I say:

Ravens: 24

Saints: 30

Here’s some frippery. Don’t read it all at once… make it last.

Drew Brees (7216-5th) is 34 passing attempts from John Elway’s (7250-4th) career total.

Mark Ingram (494-12th) passed Mike Strachan (472) in rushing attempts. Ingram (2080-12th) passed Archie Manning (2058) in rushing yards and sits 10 yards behind Reggie Bush (2090).

Brian Leonard (1-248th-t) became the 287th Saint to catch a pass.

Joe Morgan came directly out of suspension and back onto the bench only to have his grabass game with Nick Toon rudely interrupted. Apparently Travaris Cadet was worn out from kneeling returns in the endzone so Morgan spelled him once in the 3Q and later caught a pass for seven yards.

Yeah, that’s about all the frippery you get when a team is coached by a corpse.

-M Styborski

The post Saints 2014|12 by M Styborski appeared first on HumidCity.

]]> 0
Saints 2014|11 Sun, 16 Nov 2014 07:38:50 +0000 Saints Logo

Here we are at 4-5 again, for the 12th time in our hist […]

The post Saints 2014|11 by M Styborski appeared first on HumidCity.

Saints Logo

Saints LogoHere we are at 4-5 again, for the 12th time in our history. Only Jim Mora’s 1989 squad pulled a winning season (9-7) out of a sow’s ear start like this. Mora, Payton and Haslett (twice) finished 8-8. And facing Cinci and Baltimore at home, (where, yes, we are vulnerable,) and Pittsburgh on the road in our next three games we could easily find ourselves in danger of another 8-8 finish. Assuming we have the heart and will to beat Carolina, Chicago, Atlanta and Tampa Bay.

Judging by the play-calling and time-management against San Fran, it’s clear that Sean Payton thought the team could simply coast last week. Perhaps he went on another bender, queefing lines out of a teen strippers ass. Who knows. I don’t have a problem with that, really, as long as you can afford it and it doesn’t affect the team. Guess what, Sean?

Perhaps that scenario is far off-base, but since Payton became a free agent for the ladies, you’ll notice that the bro-mance between him and Drew Brees is essentially a thing of the past. Even in our few victories the two seem to keep a noticeable distance from each other on the sidelines. For some folks Family Values are not just mere words to throw around during election campaigns. And again, when one’s personal actions prevent one from doing their job in a competent manner, that’s going to alienate some people.

Jus’ sayin’…

And here come the Bengals. At 5-3-1 Cinci is not quite living up to their pre-season hype, taking  brutal beatings from NE (43-17), Indy (27-0), and Cleveland (24-3) and playing Carolina to a 37-37 stalemate. They’ve won against Baltimore (twice), Tennessee, Atlanta and Jacksonville. Not the most difficult schedule, to be sure. Unfortunately the Saints resemble the latter teams more than the former.

The Bengals are our 7th most successful series, tied at 6-6, and 1-1 in the Sean Payton Era. The Machine calls for a 28-20 win by the Saints. I see nothing much to change that other than our defense, which, despite the catcalls from dilettantes last week, is still performing consistently. Four sacks, four additional tackles for lost yardage and one forced fumble against the Niners isn’t bad. No INTs, but Kaepernick has only thrown five all season. Andy Dalton will be harder to sack but he throws wild when chased, with nine INTs so far this year. Hell, I’ll even float the possibility of a pick-six in this game! Oh, and I have a feeling that former Bengal Shayne Graham will talk Payton into letting him kick a 50+ yarder out of spite! Let’s call it…

Saints: 31

Bengals: 21

And now, the Numerical Frippery!

Drew Brees (301-1st) tossed TDs #299, #300 and #301 last week. That’s 66 more than Archie (115) and Aaron (120) combined! Brees (381-4th) re-tied Tom Brady in career TDs.

Mark Ingram (471-13th) is one rushing attempt away from Mike Strachan (472). Ingram (2013-13th) passed Strachan (1902) in rushing yards and sits 45 behind Archie Manning (2058-12th).

Brandin Cooks (500-72nd) caught his 500th yard!

Jimmy Graham (288-9th) tied Eric Martin on the points list and (48-5th) on the TDs list. Graham (48-3rd) tied Martin and Quinn Early on the receiving list.

Nick Toon supposedly took the field at some point but drew no targets. Joe Morgan is off the suspended list and should join Toon on the bench today for afternoon tea.

The Sack Race continues with Cam Jordan (26.5-14th) passing Jumpy Geathers (26) and nestling snugly behind Junior Galette (27.5-13th).

Shayne Graham (36-11th) passed Olindo Mare (34) on the XP list and is just three away from Garo Yepremian (39-10th)

Thomas Morstead just keeps rocking! I don’t track punter stats, but trust me!

-M Styborski

The post Saints 2014|11 by M Styborski appeared first on HumidCity.

]]> 0
Saints 2014|10 Sun, 09 Nov 2014 14:56:19 +0000 Saints Logo

Rob Ryan’s simplified schemes are working wonders […]

The post Saints 2014|10 by M Styborski appeared first on HumidCity.

Saints Logo

Saints LogoRob Ryan’s simplified schemes are working wonders for the defense, holding Carolina to just 10 points in their own litterbox! On the offense, the absence (due to injury) of RB by Committee has worked wonders for Mark Ingram, which in turn, has helped to congeal the offense into a top caliber unit. For the third straight week both offense and defense are working as a professional football team!

And thank you because here come the San Francisco Forty-Niners who lead the series 47-25-2, a 33.78% record that stands as the 26th worst of our series. However, under Sean Payton (in the regular season) the Saints are 5-0 against the Niners! Our only SPE loss against them came in the post-season, on the road, when–I’m certain you’ll remember–Pierre Thomas was knocked out of the game early by an illegal, uncalled helmet-to-helmet hit.

This is the beginning of a home-stretch of three games which could see the team sitting at 7-4 when they next hit the road at Pittsburgh. Under Sean Payton the regular season Saints are 20-0 in the Louisiana Superdome since 2011! Add in the 2012 season coached by proxies and it’s still a respectable 24-4. If you want, add one win to either stat to include a win over Detroit in the 2011 post-season.

Of course, the Niners were just embarrassed at home by the St Louis Rams. Both Niners and Saints are at 4-4, but just between you and me the Niners are are pretty damned lucky to be there while the Saints were gypped into that record. San Francisco’s ground game has recently withered, posting just 151 yards in their last two games combined! This of course leads to panic passing and, ultimately, defeat. And I know we’re all familiar with that formula!

Don’t get me wrong; it won’t be easy. The Niners D is allowing around 85 rushing yards per game, so you Ingram-o-phobes out there will have a good measure of who your target is today. And other than a 42-point torching by the Broncos three weeks ago, they haven’t allowed more than 23-points this season. And in half of their games they’ve allowed just 17!

But despite the obvious “trap” aspects of this matchup, The Machine calls for a 30-16 Saints romp, but I’m willing to push the envelope, or, at the very least, foment insanity and call it…

Niners: 17

Saints: 36

Are you ready kids? Here comes the Numerical Frippery!!

Drew Brees (135-16th) ties Tommy Myers (136-15th) today on the service list with his 136th game as a Saint! Brees needs just two TDs for #300! Brees (210-27th) passed Earl Campbell (208) and Lamar Smith and Fred McAfee (209) on the rushing attempts list. Brees, (9-19th) in an incredibly uncharacteristic move, untied Chris ivory and Buford Jordan (8) on the rushing TD list, tying Bob Gresham (9).

Jimmy Graham (347-4th) passed Lance Moore (346) on the receptions list. Graham (4381) also passed Devery Henderson (4377) on the receiving yards list.

Mark Ingram (102-36th) moved past Dave Parks (96) and Bill McClard (98) on the points list with two TD’s. He’s now just one score away from tying Ricky Williams and Archie Manning (108-34th). One score would also tie him with Williams, Manning and Torrance Small (18-24th) on the career Saints TD list. Ingram (444-13th) slipped past Craig Heyward (432) on the attempts list. Ingram (1893-14th) also traded with Heyward (1813) on the rushing yards list and sits nine yards behind Mike Strachan (1902). [He’s also 165 yards behind Archie Manning (2058)… I double-dare him to…!!] Ingram (17-10th) passed Ricky Williams and Wayne Wilson (15) and tied Reggie Bush on the rushing TD list. He now sits one behind Archie Manning (18).

Edwyn Baker became the 227th Saint to carry the ball. While his one carry ties him at 198th with 29 other Saints, his two yards rocket him to 189th, past such nigh-forgettable yardage totals as Brian Hansen and Julian Fagan (-23), Ken Stabler and Kenny Duckett (-19), Mark Brunell (-12), Lonzell Hill and Dave Parks (-9), Josh Hill (-8), Luke McCown (-4) and the recently cast-aside Joe Morgan (1).

Nick Toon sat dejectedly on the bench, twiddling his thumbs, staring into the preternatural shadows of the locker-room tunnel for a Joe Morgan who was nowhere to be seen.

Shayne Graham (33-12th) untied Bill McClard on the XP list and is one kick away from Olindo Mare (34).

Corey White (4-t58th) now has two interceptions in as many games. Could this be a trend?

Lastly, the Sack Race continues! Junior Galette (27.5-13th) leads Cameron Jordan (25.5-15th) on the career list and 6-4 on the season! This could certainly be a trend as Colin Kaepernick has eaten the turf 27 times this season. Anything less than four sacks today must be considered a colossal failure. Personally, I’m betting on seven!

-M Styborski

The post Saints 2014|10 by M Styborski appeared first on HumidCity.

]]> 0
Saints 2014|09 Thu, 30 Oct 2014 22:50:16 +0000 Saints Logo

Rob Ryan did the unexpected and simplified the defense […]

The post Saints 2014|09 by M Styborski appeared first on HumidCity.

Saints Logo

Saints LogoRob Ryan did the unexpected and simplified the defense and the results were spectacular! Four sacks and two interceptions? That’s the D we want to see! Offensively, the Championship Saints were back in action! I don’t mean the second-half overkill, nor do I specifically mean the high-octane win. I mean the calm, collected, panic-less, two-minute offense that marched downfield to tie the score at the end of the first half! Where the hell have they been? Strike that; I don’t care! As long as they’re here now–and here to stay–I’m happy!

It’s a short week and I’m a lazy bastard. it’s our 15th stop at 3-4, the Carolina Panthers lead the series 20-18, we’re tied 7-7 in the SPE. The Panthers lead the Saints, and the division, for the next five hours or so by a half-a-game. If you thought last week was going to be a statement game, brother, you ain’t seen nothing yet! And as long as I’ve crawled out on that limb, let me try to reach that farthest leaf at the end of the branch and say

Saints: 36

Panthers: 24

And now for something completely fripperent:

Drew Brees (134-16th) tied Archie Manning and John Tice on the service list with 134 games. So, just to remind those of you who’ve been squawking about Brees recent slump, here’s a handy comparison of passing stats, followed by the percentage of total Saints passing offense:

Attempts: Brees 5285 (22.52%), Manning 3335 (14.21)

Completions: Brees 3561 (26.31%), Manning 1849 (13.66%)

Yards: Brees 40,960 (25.57%), Manning 21,734 (13.57)

Passing TD’s: Brees 297 (30.65%), Manning 115 (11.87)

Intercepted: Brees 131 (14.30%), Manning 156 (17.03%)

Sacked: Brees 186 (12.10%), Manning 340 (22.12%)

Brees is single-handedly responsible for over 25% of all Saints passing, nearly double Maning’s 13%. Of course, it’s an incredibly unfair comparison. In Archie’s day the game was 40/60 pass/run. Today those numbers have inverted to 60/40. And not to take anything away from Drew, but there’s the whole other aspect of the O-line to consider. Elisha Archibald spent 11 years as a Saint, Drew Christopher is just halfway through his ninth, and this is the single most important reason why stats need to be compared using games and not years. Remember that the next time you’re comparing stats at the end of a bar!

Brees (377-4th) tied Tom Brady on the NFL’s all-time passing TD list. Technically, Brees was ahead before the games began, but Brady tied and passed him in his early game and Brees caught back up by the end of the night. However, Brady has a year on Brees in the NFL and sits behind him in TDs/game, 1.98 to 2.13.

C/G Eric Olsen (2011-2013) made a surprise return to the team after a short 2013 stint with the Steelers and spending pre-season this year on the Titans’ practice squad. Welcome back, Eric!

Mark Ingram (90-38th) broke his tie with Floyd Turner, Craig Heyward and Mike Strachan (84) and entered a tie with John Tice and Wes Chandler on the scoring list. Ingram (15-28th) broke and entered the same ties on the TD list as well. His next score will tie him with Dave Parks on both lists. Ingram (1793-15th) now sits just 20 yards behind Craig Heyward (1813) on the rushing yards list! His mind-boggling 172 rushing yards, ranks only fifth in Saints history behind George Rogers (206 v SL, 1983), Reuben Mayes (203 v MIA, 1986), Deuce McAllister (184 v PHI, 2003) and Ricky Williams (179 v CLE, 1999). Ingram’s (15-13th) rushing TD moved him out of a tie with Mike Strachan (14) and one away from Ricky Williams and Wayne Wilson (16 each-11th).

Erik Lorig made it off the sidelines to become the 226th Saint to rush the ball and 286th to catch a pass.

RB Edwin Baker moved up from the practice squad, ending the Great Tom Crabtree Dodge of 2014. It was fun while it lasted. At least for those of you who thought it was for real. Baker is the 853rd Saint to suit up for regular season action.

Jimmy Graham (4298-6th) passed Lance Moore (4281) in receiving yards and sits just 79 yards behind Devery Henderson (4377)!

Kenny Stills (942-50th) cracked the top 50 Saints in receiving yards!

Brandin Cooks (18) two TDs catapulted him from 204th to 125th on the scoring list. Cooks also became only the 96th Saint to rush for a TD. Cooks (372-93rd) also cracked the top 100 in receiving yards!

Nick Toon and Joe Morgan compared i-Pod playlists on the sidelines for most of the game.

Shayne Graham (15-11th) left Garo Yepremian (12) in the dust on the FG list. Graham (29-12th) also untied Martin Gramatica (24) and tied Bill McClard on the XP list.

David Hawthorne (1-t120th) became the 180th Saint to intercept a pass.

Kasim Edebali (2-t87th) became the 144th Saint to sack an opposing QB.

Cameron Jordan (24.5-t15th) moved back into contention in the Sack race, tying Willie Whitehead, but more importantly sitting just beneath Junior Galette (25.5-14th).


-M Styborski

The post Saints 2014|09 by M Styborski appeared first on HumidCity.

]]> 0
Saints 2014|08 Sun, 26 Oct 2014 19:19:34 +0000 Saints Logo

Welcome to our 15th stop at 2-4. While 11 seasons have […]

The post Saints 2014|08 by M Styborski appeared first on HumidCity.

Saints Logo

Saints LogoWelcome to our 15th stop at 2-4. While 11 seasons have started worse, no 2-4 season has finished better than 9-7. Only one 2-4 Saints team made the playoffs: Jim Mora’s 1990 squad finished 8-8 and lost to the Bears, 6-16, at Soldier Field.That year the Saints finished divisionally in 2nd place behind the 14-2 49ers. How? With just 14 teams per conference, eight NFC teams finished 7-9 or worse! But unless we win the division this year, that kind of math won’t help us.

The good news is that the NFC south is a morass of failure with a combined 8-17-1 record. The Saints are in 2nd place behind the 3-3-1 Carolina Panthers and still have a decent chance at winning our division with six remaining home games and four away. This week is a division-wide home show with Seattle at Carolina, Detroit “at” Atlanta (in Londinium) and Minnesota at Tampa Bay. Carolina and Atlanta should go down, Tampa Bay, on the other hand, has shown steady improvement despite their record and could possibly bitchslap the Vikings.

Now I know you kids love to cry about the “Caints”, as in, “We caint win on the road!!” Ordinarily I ignore your churlish babble because the stats simply don’t back you up. Yes, yes, I know that since 1967 the Saints are a road nightmare at 139-233, (37.8%) but you can not apply past seasons to the current team unless the data is consistent! If anything the line has to be drawn at coaching!

But this year we’re 0-4 on the road, (0-7 stretching back to last season,) and the perception is quickly turning into solid fact! I don’t have any answers on how to fix it, (save consistency,) but I did dig around in the Saints home/away records. The following stats include post-season games:

– In 48 seasons, the Saints have 27 seasons with a better home record than away, 14 seasons better on the road and 7 seasons crapping it up equally regardless of locale.

– Sean Payton has 4 seasons better at home, 3 better on the road and one tied. Note this includes 2014 but not the 2012 season he spent combing cheerleaders out of his beard in Dallas.

– The Saints 2009-10 Championship run boasted an 80% home record but an 88.9% away record! (You can argue that we were the home team in Miami, but the record books say not.)

– The Saints actually have 19 seasons where they won 50% or more of their road games! 5 of those belong to Sean Payton, 4 to Jim Haslett, 7 to Jim Mora, 2 to Bum Phillips and one to Dick Nolan.

– Overall only four coaches have 50% or better road records: Dick Stanfel (50%), Jim Mora (50.6%), Jim Haslett (53.1%) and Sean Payton (51.5%).

– Between Haslett and Payton the Saints have won roughly 52% of their road games; Not great, just a wafer-thin sliver above average. (And again, no, we are not counting 2012!) But not the “Caints” I keep hearing about every fucking year!

And here’s the problem: The “Caint” illusion is due to the fact that the Saints are actually undefeated at home in Payton’s last three seasons! 9-0 in 2011, 8-0 in 2013 and 2-0 so far this year! (We went 4-4 in 2012, but again, not a Payton year.) When you’re undefeated at home a 50% road success rate is certainly going to look shabby in comparison! If we won just 60% of our home games nobody would give a shit about losing half of our road games! At least, not to the point of crying about it every time we lost one!

Still, as I said earlier, the road has taken a sharp turn for us with seven straight losses going back to last season. Detroit has the league’s best defense, allowing an average of 14 points per game. And we scored 23! The only other team to do that this year was Carolina with 24 points! No one else has gotten past 17! That game was ours from start-to-finish save for two plays: An interception that should have been thrown away and a pass interference play that wasn’t even necessary. Play the ball, you get an INT; Play the man… you get the flag.

Rob Ryan almost has our defense in NFL shape. For most of four quarters they showed us what could be, but by the end of the game they were wheezingly awful. (The same can be said for the offense…) Still, it’s an improvement and that’s a good thing! A bad thing would be bracketing the two-minute warning with two timeouts while Detroit rests patiently ten yards away from your endzone. Worse would be a panicky, haphazard possession with 1:48 to go while hoarding your last timeout like my grandparents hoarded used tinfoil! Oh well. I’m not even going to mention the stupidity of trying to use Jimmy Graham as a decoy, considering the Lions did that with Megatron two games in a row… Oops!

Up Next: The Green Bay Packers come to town for our 24th meeting! The Saints trail the Pack’ 7-16, (30.43%) our 29th worst series. under Payton we’re 3-2-1. It’s a Dome-Sweet-Dome game so it’s a lock, yes? Well… The Packers have two road losses, (Seattle and Detroit,) and two road wins, (Chicago and Miami). Compare the Saints to those four teams and we pretty much line up dead center. If you figure it out strictly by home/away performance, the Saints should prevail 24-21. If you ignore venue the Saints walk away 24-32 losers.  But honestly, it’s the Dome! And it’s primetime! And we’re really, really, really pissed off! I’m going off-script for this one, kids:

Packers: 35

Saints: 38

Looks like it could be an overtime finish too! I mean, I have no data to support that, but as long as I’m winging it…

And now, for the moment you’ve all been dreading… The Numerical Frippery!

This sunday Drew Brees will tie John Tice and Archie Manning for 16th place in service with 134 games! Tune in next week as we compare Drew and Archie in what’s certain to be a stat-fest to surprise nobody!

In a rare explosion of desperation, Drew Brees (277-55th) rushed for 13 yards, passing Randy Schultz (269) and Joe Profit (274) in rushing yards!

Brees is currently on pace for 701 passing attempts this season which would land him in 2nd place all-time behind, ironically enough, Matthew Stafford’s 2012 mark of 727! He’s also on pace for 475 completions which would beat the current single-season record of 468 set in 2011 by… um… Drew Brees. And let’s look at yardage while we’re here! Brees is currently on pace for 5109 passing yards this year which would put this season at 6th place all-time, behind Peyton Manning (5477-2013), Drew Brees (5476-2011), Tom Brady (5235-2011), Drew Brees(5177-2012) and, uh… Drew Brees (5162-2013).

Pierre Thomas (308-7th) needs one reception to tie Danny Abramowicz.

Mark Ingram (390-14th) passed Ray Zellars (382) and Derek D Brown (388) in rushing attempts.

Austin Johnson became the 313th Saint to score, the 277th Saint to score a TD, the 285th Saint to catch a pass, and the 144th Saint to catch a TD pass! That’s a lot of work for one little 13-yard pass!

Nick Toon and Joe Morgan ran a three-card monte game on Tom Crabtree in the visitor’s tunnel for most of the game, siphoning his first Saints paycheck right out of his pocket!

Shayne Graham (12-11th place) jumped the power trio of Olindo Mare (10), Happy Feller (10) and Martin Gramatica (11) on the Saints FG list and now sits tied with Garo Yepremian. Graham (24-13th) is also tied with Gramatica for XPs.

Marcus Ball became the 311th Saint to make a tackle.

Curtis Lofton (214-28th) passed Josh Bullocks (208) and Renaldo Turnbull (209) on the tackle list. Lofton is six tackles away from jumping into 25th place, past Jabari Greer (217), Darrin Smith (218) and La’Roi Glover (219).

Keenan Lewis (5-47th) and Kenny Vaccaro (2-88th) both intercepted Matt Stafford. Yay! We’re making interceptions!!

Corey White (1-110th, 30-way tie) became the 143rd Saint to sack a QB. Parys Haralson (4.5-56th) and Junior Galette (25.5-14th) each also sacked Stafford. Galette moved out of his tie with Willie Whitehead (24.5) and is half a sack behind Jumpy Geathers (26). Cameron Jordan… we’re waiting…

-M Styborski

The post Saints 2014|08 by M Styborski appeared first on HumidCity.

]]> 0
Saints 2014|07 Sun, 19 Oct 2014 07:17:18 +0000 Saints Logo

Welcome back my friends to the coronary that never ends […]

The post Saints 2014|07 by M Styborski appeared first on HumidCity.

Saints Logo

Saints LogoWelcome back my friends to the coronary that never ends! It’s our 9th stop at 2-3, and 17 seasons have begun worse, so, we got that going for us! Jimmy Graham is gone for the next few weeks but Tom Corbett will be riding the bench as an emergency back-up TE while Josh Hill and Ben Watson actually compete for yardage.

In the past I might assume that Graham’s 2-3 week sit-down was just Sean Payton playing mind games. “We’re 2-3, let’s tell ‘em Jimmy’s out for that long! Then when he plays Sunday, they’ll be baffled! Baffled, I say!!” But, sadly, that Sean seems to have died during his year in suspension hell. (Oh, sure, he’s hinting at Graham playing Sunday but if you believe that I have a bridge in Brooklyn I’d like to sell you!) We’re now stuck with a sad, lackluster, handsomely compensated head coach who shows no sign of allowing the spark of imagination back onto the field. Punt and kick returns? Take a knee. Third and long? Checkdown lateral. Fourth and inches? Punt. We did try a fake kick a few weeks back, the execution of which sent half of Saints Nation to Charity with apoplexy. I’m not saying we should try a flea-flicker on every down, (although…) but let’s have a little more diversity than the three-yard play-action dump-offs that were the hallmark of Jim Mora’s anemic offense and seem to be our go-to play every other down.

By the way, King Roger the Inconsistent did not fine Bucs CB Major Wright for lowering his head and spearing Jimmy Graham. The second time Graham’s right shoulder was targeted in two plays. Can you say bounty? Can you say bullshit?

The good news is that Mark Ingram is back! (Shaddup, you!) Ingram should be able to pick up where he left off and if Payton has any football sense left behind his granny-glasses he’ll retool the positioning so that Khiry Robinson can take over the Darren Sproles routes that Branden Cooks has been running and Cooks can slide into Jimmy Graham’s routes. We can only hope, right?

Sunday we face the Detroit Lions for the 23rd time! The Saints lead the series 12-9 and under Payton are 3-0! Unfortunately, we’re heading to The Motor City and this season we’re positively Suck Incarnate on the road dropping two games in OT and being blown out by the Cowboys in W05. Meanwhile, Detroit has been almost perfect at home drubbing the Giants 35-14, the Packers 19-7 and losing to the Bills 17-14 in what can only be considered an Act of God.

Detroit’s D is working overtime keeping opponent scores low, (allowing a league-low 14-points on average,) and the Bills loss can be chalked up to Calvin Johnson’s bum ankle.About that, I’m irked as he’s wideout numero-uno on two fantasy teams. As a Saints fan though, it’s manna from heaven! The Lions have used the injured Johnson as a decoy for two straight weeks and each time he’s re-injured himself. Resting him would be the Lions best move both for the Saints and for the Lions season.

Of course, there’s also the matter of the grudge match. Not only has Payton trounced Detroit three games running, (something bound to be remembered by all but the rookies,) but there are a few folks up there looking to make a very loud statement. Like the entire Lions RB corps. Reggie Bush, Joique Bell and Jed Collins, all former Saints, make up the whole of the Lions rushing attack! It might seem odd that all three Saints cast-offs-from-diverse-times wound up on the same team but I think OC Joe Lombardi, (Saints OA/QBC from 2007-2013,) may have had something to do with that. Oh, and what were you asking about why Drew Brees seems to be slumping this year?

It’s gonna be interesting. Graham or Johnson out makes this game an arguable slam dunk for the other team. Both gone brings it back to a coin flip. Respective home and road records tilts the game to the Lions league-best D. The unknowable factor, however, is the bye-week. Did we work hard on fundamentals or did we just go through the motions? Is Ingram truly 100%? Will Crabtree be more than a seat-warmer? I really don’t know. I’ve spent the bye-week working my tuchas off fine-tuning The Machine but unfortunately it just made things worse for the Saints. Initially it called for a 20-25 loss but thanks to time on my hands and a pig-headed desire for prognostic accuracy it now says:

Saints: 19

Lions: 26 

And before you start hating on me… LOOK!! The shiny object that is The Numerical Frippery!

Drew Brees will tie Sam Mills at 18th place today with 133 games as a Saint! Brees (5208-1st) got his 5200th attempt, (3506-1st) 3500th completion, (40,307-1st) and 40,000th yard as a Saint all in one game! Unfortunately he also threw (130-2nd) his 128th, 129th and 130th interception as a Saint. Still, he needs another 26 to catch Archie and that’s not likely to happen this year! (<<Knocks wood!)

Brees (7017-5th) also got his 7000th career attempt, (4631-4th) 4600th career completion and (52,659-4th) 52,600th career yard! Drew also crossed the 40,000 mark in yards with one team, (40,311-7th). He should easily cover the 2730 yard distance needed to pass Dan Fouts (43,040-6th) by W15.

One “non-stat stat” about Brees: He is the scoringest sumbitch the Saints have ever had! NFL stats give passing scores to the receivers and not the QBs. I don’t know why it’s not a split, but there it is. So, while Brees officially sits in a 67th place tie with Andy Livingston and Bob Newland at 48 points, his unofficial scoring total (rushing, passing, 2PCs, etc, calculated at full value) hit exactly 1800 points last week! That’s 482 points past Morten! And despite this lackluster season, I’d just like to say “Thank you, Drew!” I’d offer to have your babies, but you seem to have that covered!

This will be Pierre Thomas‘ 100th game as a Saint! Thomas (248-11th) Passed Lance Moore (238) and Charlie Durkee (243) on the scoring list. He is now just 16 points away from Jimmy Graham (264)! Thomas (40-7th) passed Moore (39) on the TD list and needs four to catch Graham (44). He (28-3rd) also moved into a TD tie with Chuck Muncie! Thomas (2417-14th) passed Michael Haynes (2368) in receiving yards and (12-23rd) moved into a tie with Reggie Bush, Boo Williams and Ike Harris for receiving TDs.

Khiry Robinson (115-47th) passedJames Ford (104) and Tony Lorick (109) in rushing attempts. Robinson (528-39th) also jumped Troy Davis (446), Bobby Hebert (452), Tom Barrington (493) and Jim Strong (524) in yardage and sits 46 yards behind Vaughn Dunbar (574).

Joe Morgan and Nick Toon held a heated debate on the sidelines over the advantages and disadvantages of a national flat-tax rate.

Shayne Graham (9-15th) passed Steve Mike-Meyer (6) and Chip Lohmiller (8) for FGs made. Graham (22-14th) needs three PATs to pass Martin Gramatica. And he needs to not jump up and down in celebration when he does.

Junior Galette (24.5-14th) tied Willie Whitehead in sacks and is pulling away from Cam Jordan in this years Sack Race, 3-1. You gonna let him get away with that, Cam? I dare you to sack Stafford six times! Both of ya! And by the way, that was an end-zone sack for a safety! The last safety the Saints recorded was by Will Smith against, ironically, the Bucs’ QB Luke McCown in a 23-27 loss in W13 of 2007, and frankly, it’s been too damn long! (You have no idea how long it took to track down that stat!)

Curtis Lofton (201-30th) made his 200th tackle as a Saint passing James E Williams in the process. Lofton leads all active Saints in tackles followed by Patrick Robinson (127-50th).

Patrick Robinson (8-22nd) left his 12-way tie for an 8-way in interceptions.

Marcus Ball became the 852nd Saint to take the field.

Brian Dixon became the 851st Saint to take the field and 310th to make a tackle.

-M Styborski

The post Saints 2014|07 by M Styborski appeared first on HumidCity.

]]> 0
Saints 2014|05 Sun, 05 Oct 2014 14:57:13 +0000 Saints Logo

Good morning, gluttons! It’s time to gird your lo […]

The post Saints 2014|05 by M Styborski appeared first on HumidCity.

Saints Logo

Saints LogoGood morning, gluttons! It’s time to gird your loins for the weekly nutpunch delivered by our very own favorite hot mess: the New Orleans Saints! At 1-3 for only the 18th time, (only nine seasons have begun worse,) the team is on track to emulate seasons produced by Jim Haslett, Jim Mora, Mike Ditka, Dick Nolan, JD North, Tom Fears, Hank Stram and Bum Phillips! Only Haslett (10-6) and Mora (9-7) have turned a start like like this into winning seasons. After today it will be our twelfth trip to 3-2 or 1-4…

So far the Saints have been outscored 95-110, the 24th worst ratio in Saints history (86.4%). How? I mean, 455 all-purpose yards should have been at least 38 points figuring a TD every 80 yards and a FG off the remaining 55 yards, right.  Doubt me? The Cowboys accrued 452 all-purpose yards and scored… 38 fucking points! At worst it should have translated into nine FGs for 27 points. And there we were at 17. Pathetic.

The Saints had two great back-to-back drives for TDs in the fourth quarter. The first was a 2-play, 74-yard drive that featured a 62-yard romp by Khiry Robinson. The drive took just 25 seconds off the clock. After forcing a three-and-out by Dallas, the following possession was a 5-play, 59-yard drive that lasted 1:38 and left 9:49 on the clock with the Saints down by just 14 points. They never scored again. Almost as if the team decided to collectively send the message, “Hey, we could do this anytime we want to…” and then not only took their foot off the gas but shut the truck off for the rest of the game.

Last year Corey White was Corey-on-the-spot. This year he’s Corey-on-the-spot-five-yards-away-from-his-man as is the rest of the secondary. Now, with Jairus Byrd out for the season with a torn lateral meniscus, (from a non-contact drill,) Rafael Bush has a chance to shine. Bush has 17 tackles compared to Byrd’s 22, but in only about a third of the field time. Bush is also much cheaper than the $54-million dollar, 6-year Byrd and more practical as well: he saved Saints fans an assload of money by taking number 25 and keeping all those expensive jerseys we have from gathering dust in our closets!

Next stop on the Disorient Express: Tampa Bay. The Saints lead the series 27-17, a 61% success rate. Only vs Houston are we better. This will be our 45th clash and the Bucs are the 4th longest rivalry after the Falcons, Niners and the Rams. The Machine has gone insane calling for a 27-22 Saints win. By rights this should be a cakewalk; we’re at home and Tampa Bay really does suck. Don’t let their Steelers upset fool you! But at the same time this offense is in Mora-mode with bafling checkdown passes and runs that start far too deep behind the line of scrimmage. The only certainty this season is that the Saints are an unpredictable train wreck.

And now to distract you with the shiny object that is… The Numerical Frippery!

Drew Brees played his 131st game passing Joe Federspiel (130) and tying Willie Roaf for 19th most games played as a Saint. Brees (3471-1st) is 29 completions from #3500. Brees (39,936-1st) is just 64 yards away from his 40,000th as a Saint! Brees also passed Johnny Unitas (39,768-Colts) for 7th place in passing yards with a single team.

Khiry Robinson (94-49th) passed Howard Stevens (88) in rushing attempts. Robinson also became the 284th Saint to catch a pass. Robinson (439-43rd) jumped Tony Lorick (355), Howard Stevens (373), Jim Taylor (390), Jack Holmes (393), James Ford (407) and Ernie Wheelwright (427) in rushing yards. He’s now 7 yards away from Troy Davis (446).

Marques Colston (8522-1st) nailed 8500 receiving yards as a Saint on his second catch of the Dallas game.

Kenny Stills (766-57th) passed Randall Hill (761) in receiving yards and sits 19 yards away from Tinker Owens (785).

Ramon Humber will play his 50th game as a Saint.

Kasim Edebali (1-277th) became the 309th Saint to make a tackle.

Kenny Vaccaro (2-87th) had a sack. After Tony Romo tripped over his own feet.

Joe Morgan and Nick Toon were playing grabass on the sidelines, as usual.

Shayne Graham (6-16th) tied Steve Mike-Meyer for FGs made. Graham (18-14th) also passed Happy Feller (17) and tied Steve Mike-Meyer for XPs made.

-M Styborski

The post Saints 2014|05 by M Styborski appeared first on HumidCity.

]]> 0
Saints 2014|04 Sun, 28 Sep 2014 21:05:13 +0000 Saints Logo

Welcome to 1-2 for the 19th time! I’m certain the […]

The post Saints 2014|04 by M Styborski appeared first on HumidCity.

Saints Logo

Saints LogoWelcome to 1-2 for the 19th time!

I’m certain there’s a real and logical reason to start Ben Watson at TE and substitute Josh Hill before alllowing Jimmy Graham to take the field. Just as there was a real and logical reason to disallow Drew Brees from chucking a 7-yard pass to continue his 10-game home streak of 300-yard games. With an 11-point lead and under two minutes to play, at home, sticking to the ground shows just how scared Sean Payton is of his own team. I’m also certain that Vicodin is a healthy breakfast treat.

Despite the bluster of local PR flaks/sportscasters that the Saints are fired up and broadcasting waves of pure love and positivity directly from their nucleus amygdalae, the defense continues to miscue and the offense is a slight step above anemic. 20-9 against a Petersonless Vikings team? With a rookie QB? Sheesh! Just enough to cover the spread, huh Sean?

And now for good news/bad news…

The good news is that tonight we get Dallas. The bad news is that DeMarco Murray is on fire this season with 385 rushing yards and 3 TDs in just three games! Don’t let last weeks 59 yard Saints run D fool you; we will give up over 100 again this week. And probably two TDs. The good news is that I have Murray on one of my fantasy teams! The bad news is that Donna will smack me as a traitor every time he scores!

The good news is the Saints pass D has improved. The bad news is it’s all on paper. Per game we’ve given up 445, 202 and 188 through the air which looks like improvement. Unfortunately the last two games were against young QBs barely out of college, and while Tony Romo will never win a championship, he is capable of the occasional flash of luck which makes him dangerous against our special brand of pass rush. The good news is that Romo’s thrown 4 picks and eaten the turf 7 times this season. The bad news is that the Saints have only managed 4 sacks and no INTs this season.

The good news is that Sean Payton just loves kicking Dallas’ ass. While the Saints trail the series 11-15, in the SPE they lead 3-1. The bad news is that The Machine is calling for another ball-shaver with the Saints losing 24-25. The good news is that the vodka is kicking in and I’m going hog wild…

Saints: 32
Cowboys: 24

And as long as I’m in Tito’s Handmade mode, look for the sack race to burst wide open with at least four Romo-booms and our first interception of the 2014 season!

Oh, and Shayne Graham had an XP blocked last week. Shall I dust off the torches and pitchforks for you knee-jerkers?

And now, on with the Numerical Frippery

Drew Brees (39,596-1st) is just 404 yards away from his 40,000th passing yard as a New Orleans Saint! Just 173 yards will put him in 7th place on the NFL’s list of passing yards with one team, ahead of Johnny Unitas (Colts). By the end of this season Brees should also pass Dan Fouts (Chargers) for 6th place. The only other active QB in the top eight is Tom Brady (Patriots) in 5th place with 49,781 yards. Peyton Manning sits in 3rd with 54,828 yards, but all with the Colts. Manning continues his assault on Brett Favre’s career records, though the only one he’ll eclipse this year will be TDs.  Manning is one away from his 500th TD and ten to pass Favre. Unless he breaks a finger…

Khiry Robinson (86-50th) had 18 rushing attempts moving him past Jim Otis (71), Joe Profit (72), Randy Schultz (75), Lorenzo Neal (77), Wilmont Perry (78) and Rod McNeil (83)! He now sits two attempts away from Howard Stevens. Robinson (352-49th) passed Rod McNeil (296), Billy Kilmer (299), Wilmont Perry (302), John Fourcade (302) and Lorenzo Neal (326) in rushing yards and sits three yards away from Tony Lorick (355).

Pierre Thomas (236-13th) needs one score to pass Lance Moore (238). Thomas (39-7th) tied Moore in career Saints TDs. Thomas (791-6th) also passed Chuck Muncie (788) in attempts, tied (27-4th) Tony Galbreath in rushing TDs and sits one behind Chuck Muncie (28). Thomas (294-7th) tied Reggie Bush in receptions.

Brandin Cooks (18-135th) moved up from 158th place in receptions. Cooks (168-138th) also jumped up from 166th place in receiving yards.

Marques Colston (64-1st) added another TD to his resumé. Colston (8472-1st) is just 28 yards shy of 8500 and one TD (64-1st) away from his 65th!

Robert Meachem (161-22nd) is one reception away from Michael Haynes.

Nick Toon was inactive. Again. Imagine what he’ll be like healthy. In 2020.

The Sack Race returns with Junior Galette (23.5-15th) leading Cameron Jordan (22.5-18th), each recording a sack against Minnesota!

Malcolm Jenkins added his second interception of the season which would have given him nine total and put him into a seven-way tie for sixteenth place if he were still on the team. As yet the Saint remain pickless…

Shayne Graham (16-16th) needs one XP to tie Happy Feller (17) and on FG (5-17th) to tie Steve Mike-Meyer.

-M Styborski

The post Saints 2014|04 by M Styborski appeared first on HumidCity.

]]> 0
Saints 2014|03 Sun, 21 Sep 2014 13:00:04 +0000 Saints Logo

Welcome to Saints Football 2000! Finest coaching mind i […]

The post Saints 2014|03 by M Styborski appeared first on HumidCity.

Saints Logo

Saints LogoWelcome to Saints Football 2000! Finest coaching mind in Saints history. An offense that won’t quit. A defense that promises to rewrite the playbooks. More talent on one team than ever before. And they can’t even tie their fucking shoelaces properly, much less win a game.

It’s the Saints twentieth 0-2 start since 1967; the Second for Sean Payton (2007) and third in the SPE (2012-Kromer/Vitt). Game one against the Atlanta Falcons could be written off as one of those painfully close intra-divisional rivalry games that just finish the wrong way. Game two, unfortunately, reveals the beginnings of a pattern that we’ve seen before.

A week ago I made an offhand joke wondering who on the Saints roster was nailing the other players’ wives. I wasn’t alone, either. More than one sports-wag made similar comments and after the W02 loss to the perpetually-rebuilding Cleveland Browns, well, the comparisons to the Jim Haslett era began in earnest. In the first six Saints possessions, Drew Brees was 7 of 12 for 23 yards and an interception. He also lost 7 yards on a sack that should have been a safety. At this point there was just 3:25 remaining until halftime.

Fact: Jimmy Graham wasn’t targeted until 3:37 remaining in the 2Q, a pass that was intercepted and returned for a touchdown.

Fact: After reeling in 5 of 8 for 110 yards in W01, Marques Colston didn’t even rate a look in the W02 debacle.

Graham’s late start is a message from Sean Payton: You’re a tight end, so block, bitch. It’s a we-can-do-this-without-you mentality that simply doesn’t work on paper or in practice. Colston’s 0 yards on 0 catches out of 0 targets is another message entirely. Punishment for that W01 fumble on a pass that never should have been thrown. Incredible but true, Peyton likes to rule his little kingdom with cookies and castor oil. Unfortunately, it tends to ruin a football game now and again. And again.

Asinine coaching aside, the real problem lies within the minds of the players themselves. The loudest rumours concern the biggest contracts and who the Saints let go in order to pay them. Considering a 7-catch, 152-yard performance (including two 50+yard catches) by a certain Philadelphia Eagle, these rumours may be valid. Then there are whispers of resentment over the whole TE/WR kafuffle. While fans generally take the “Hey, if he can talk them into paying him that, more power to him!” road, it’s a different story when that money comes of the back-end of your own paycheck. And if you think the defense points fingers every which way when the offense changes their stance just before the ball is snapped, you should see the “practice” they get in the locker room after a game!

And here we are; not a team but a collection of sulky, overpaid children. It’s difficult to admit a season is over with fourteen games remaining but that looks like the situation. Does this mean we stop rooting? Of course not, but it certainly puts a damper on swagger. Is this season salvageable? Absolutely. 14-2 is first-round-bye material, but the players need to come to terms in the locker room before that happens.

On the bright side, Mark Ingram is playing like he means it. Well, it is a contract year, but at least I won’t have to suffer through y’alls endless whining about him this year!

Up next: The Minnesota Vikings who lead the series 20-10, 2-1 under Payton. The line opened with Adrian Peterson playing and the Saints a 10-point favorite. (In what dreamworld, wonder I?) Now that AP is benched again it seems a likely game for us to right our ship, but I wouldn’t count on it. The Machine calls it a Saints loss 23-26, but me… I’m a sucker for faith, hope and all that crap so…

Vikings: 28

If you’re gonna dream, dream reasonably big, right?

Now, on with the Numerical Frippery!

Drew Brees (51651) took 4th place from John Elway (51475) on NFL career passing list and starts 130th game as a Saint tying Joe Federspiel for 20th place on the games played list.

Mark Ingram (380-16th) passed Jess Phelps in rushing attempts. Next stop Ray Zellars (382) and Derek D Brown (388). Ingram (14-13th) also passed Aaron Brooks and Craig Heyward and tied Mike Strachan in both rushing and career Saints TDs. Ingram reached 40th place on the Saints scoring list. His 14th Saints TD breaks his tie with Hokie Gaijan, Lonzell Hill, Michael Haynes and Aaron Brooks and ties him with Mike Strachan, Craig Heyward and Floyd Turner in 30th place on the Saints career TD list. He’s now one away from Wes Chandler and John Tice.

Pierre Thomas (783-7th) is 5 rushing attempts away from tying Chuck Muncie (788). Thomas (291-8th) is 3 receptions away from Reggie Bush (294).

Austin Johnson became the 225th Saint to rush (2-176th) for yardage (10-156th)

Robert Meachem (160-22nd) passed John Tice (158) in receptions and is two away from Michael Haynes (162).

Jimmy Graham (319-5th) broke his receptions tie with Danny Abramowicz (309). He’s just 27 catches away from Lance Moore (346). Graham also passed 4000 receiving yards as a Saint. Just over four years, kids! See how easy it is?

Joe Morgan and Nick Toon were inactive. Again. Go figure. Can we trade them to Philly to get Sproles back and just have a 52-man roster this year?

Junior Galette (22.5-17th) breaks his sack tie with Cam Jordan (21.5). Hopefully this starts the sack race back up!

Shayne Graham kicked his fifth Saints FG passing Florian Kempf, Toni Fritsch, and Russell Erxleben for 17th place. One more and he’ll tie Steve Mike-Meyer for 16th. Graham also nailed his 14th XP, passing Chip Lohmiller for 16th place. Three more ties him with Happy Feller. Whoop-dee-doo.

-M Styborski

The post Saints 2014|03 by M Styborski appeared first on HumidCity.

]]> 0
Saints 2014|02 Sun, 14 Sep 2014 07:09:07 +0000 Yeah, that was sick, especially after what we saw–or di […]

The post Saints 2014|02 by M Styborski appeared first on HumidCity.

Yeah, that was sick, especially after what we saw–or didn’t see–in pre-season. While the Saints D showed improvement from last year in the four games that don’t count, they also looked a trifle “whatever”. Professional sports mouths ignored the boredom and hyped those flashes of Ryan Mark-II that were briefly seen. Fans who know better (including yours truly) emphasized the Man Behind The Curtain and simply wrote it off as “imagine what he’s saving for the regular season!” The Great and Powerful Payton is, after all, a master at sleight of hand; keeping everything under wraps until such time as the audience–and opponent–need a dazzling. Unfortunately the magic never got past Got-Your-Nose and we were all left with a bunch of monkeys flying out of our collective ass.

The Saints scored 34 points. That’s a lot in the NFL. So much that only Atlanta and Seattle beat it in week one and only the Vikings and Eagles tie it. While Colston’s fumble led directly to the loss, Rob Ryan’s invisible secondary is what put the team into overtime from a 20-10 halftime lead. Colston’s 5 catches for 110 yards is ignored by those blaming him for the loss. Yeah, he’s getting old and that’s showing, but older still is Sean Payton’s incomprehensible clock management. 27 years in the NFL, 16 as a coordinator or coach and he still doesn’t get it. I guess Tom Benson didn’t put, “Must be able to contain the opposing team for a minute and a half at the end of the game.” on the first line of the Defensive Coordinator ad Rob Ryan answered.

The team still seems to be operating in the “We got no run game, Drew’s gotta do it.” panic-mode of last year despite the ground corps going 26 for 119. (Ingram, Thomas and Robinson.) Why else start out with two short, panicky passes in coverage? They’ll never expect it? Guess again. Take a deep breath, compose yourselves and remember… You’ve been there before! Congratulations Falcons on your third victory over Sean Payton, out of fifteen games! See you in week 16!

This week it’s the Cleveland Browns who lead the series 12-4. Payton is 1-1 against the Browns and this should have been a cakewalk. The Browns are in complete disarray but are high off a 30-point loss that should have been a blowout for them. Unless Rob Ryan can tighten his nuts up this could be a game that induces more than just coronaries!

The Machine calls it almost straight up at 32 points for each side. Almost! The Saints have a .36-point edge but I can’t figure out where. If the Machine has it so close I’m willing to bet we blow the turf out from under them, so, here I go off-line and say:
Saints: 33
Browns: 17
Look for Johnny Football to remain first-string benchwarmer!

And now, the numerical frippery!

Brees (6841) passed Warren Moon (6823) on the NFL career completions list.
Brees (51414) is 61 yards away from Elway (51475) on the NFL career passing yards list.
Brees (5032-1st) made his 5000 attempt as a Saint.

Thomas (780-7th) is 8 rushing attempts from Chuck Muncie (788)
Thomas (288-8th) passed Tony Galbreath (284-9th) on the receptions list and is 6 away from Reggie Bush (294-7th)
Thomas (2288-15th) passed both Dalton Hilliard (2233) and Dave Parks (2254) in receiving yardage.

Ingram (369-17th) passed Archie Manning (357-19) and is 3 rushing attempts away from Jess Phillips (372-16th)

Colston is just 53 yards from his 8500th receiving yard.

Jimmy Graham (309-5th) tied Danny Abramowicz on the Saints reception list.

Brandin Cooks wasted little time joining the frippery. Cooks becomes the 283rd Saint to catch a pass, 282nd Saint to gain reception yardage and 143rd Saint to catch a TD pass. Also the 224th Saint to rush and gain yardage. Cooks’ 7 receptions for 77 yards puts him in 174th and 170th places respectively, leapfrogging more than 100 other players on each list.

Tyrunn Walker (2-87th) made his second career Saints sack. The only sack of the game and only tackle for a loss.

Curtis Lofton (178-33rd) passed Mike McKenzie (174-35th) and tied Jimmy Spencer on the tackle list.

Jairus Byrd (5-223rd) became the 308th Saint to make a tackle. Brandon Deaderick (1-278th) became the 309th.

Brandin Cooks, Austin Johnson, Jairus Byrd, Brian Dixon, Ronald Powell, Kyle Knox, Vinnie Sunseri, Kasim Edebali and Brandon Deaderick become the 839th through 847th Saints players to take the field. Who will be #850? Tune in tomorrow!

-M Styborski

The post Saints 2014|02 by M Styborski appeared first on HumidCity.

]]> 0
Saints 2014|01 Sun, 07 Sep 2014 16:23:57 +0000 The New Orleans Saints enter 2014 at 317-400-5. Yeah, t […]

The post Saints 2014|01 by M Styborski appeared first on HumidCity.

Saints LogoThe New Orleans Saints enter 2014 at 317-400-5. Yeah, that’s a little sad but sadder still are the Atlanta Falcons at 316-414-6. They’ve been in the NFL a whole season longer than us and that season is essentially all losses! In the regular season series, New Orleans trails 43-46, but SPE –that’s Sean Payton Era for you tourists– the Saints lead 13-3 by a combined score of 416-315 which is essentially a 6-point advantage per game. So all that hype you hear last week about the “21-20 average score”… take it with a grain of salt. Of course, so should this opening paragraph as the only number that matters today is whether we’re 1-0 at 3:01pm, and I think we will be.

We haven’t really seen anything in the pre-season but Sean Paytons penchant for head games. “Injuries” sidelined some players. Others, while giving it their all, were doing so in some pretty basic plays. Today is when the weirdness starts, including a rumoured 10-safety blitz package where Curtis Lofton drops into coverage and everyone else drags Matt Ryan into the locker room and beats him with a bag of oranges. I can’t wait for that.

On paper the outcome should be a Saints win, 35-24, but as we all know, this match-up never goes according to plan. Being in Atlanta you have to assume that a few Falcons have some ridiculous notion of pride or talent and will likely try to play accordingly, so let’s just call it at

Saints: 28

Falcons: 22

And now for the numerical frippery…

Drew Brees (4990) needs 10 passing attempts for his 5000th as a Saint and just 267 passing yards for #39,000! Brees (6799) is 24 attempts away from a 5th place tie with Warren Moon (6823) on the NFL all-time attempts list. He’s 394 yards away from a 4th place tie with John Elway (51475) on the NFL all-time passing yards list. Were I the type of person to “tole ya so,” I’d mention that Tom Brady, with one additional year in the league over Drew, trails him in attempts, completions, yards and touchdowns, but I’m not that kind of a guy, really…

Pierre Thomas needs one rushing TD to tie Tony Galbreath (27) for 4th place and 2 receptions away from an 8th place tie with Galbreath (284) on the receptions list. Thomas is one TD from a 7th place tie with Lance Moore (39-sitting out with the Steelers today) for Saints career TDs.

Mark Ingram needs 2 rushing attempts to pass Archie Manning (357) for 17th place.

Jimmy Graham is 8 receptions away from tying Danny Abramowicz (309) on the Saints all-time receptions list.

Junior Galette and Cameron Jordan are tied for 17th place on the Saints career sack list at 21.5 each. one and a half sacks will tie either player with Mark Fields and Whitney Paul in 15th place. The sack race between these two was one of the most exciting things about last season and it promises to be no different this year!

Marques Colston leads every receiving category. I know YOU know that, but it’s still worth a mention! Currently he stands at 607 receptions, 8337 yards and 63 receiving TDs which is also the team record for total TDs. From here on, everything he does is Sunday Gravy!

 -M Styborski

The post Saints 2014|01 by M Styborski appeared first on HumidCity.

]]> 0
New Orleans: We’re violent, but no longer lethal Thu, 03 Jul 2014 18:40:49 +0000 Handprint

(Post title credit: Alex Rawls of My Spilt Milk) Earlie […]

The post New Orleans: We’re violent, but no longer lethal by lunanola appeared first on HumidCity.


Handprint(Post title credit: Alex Rawls of My Spilt Milk)

Earlier today, some friends and I were contemplating the following story, which notes an average of “…a shooting about every 18 hours in New Orleans” during 2013:

Despite downward trend, New Orleans has a staggering number of shootings

Mari Kornhauser was quick to note that the declining rate of fatal shootings is likely significantly influenced by excellent emergency room care. I believe, too, that the DA’s increased willingness to accept charges has had a quantifiable impact — the revolving door at Orleans Parish Prison is spinning slower these days due, in part, to fewer Article 701 releases.

And the veracity of the numbers noted in the article was also questioned, as the variety of charges that can result from gunfire are sometimes not so obvious (for example, one shoot-out on Dumaine Street in Tremé was reported to have resulted in a police report noting the charge as “vandalism” due to damage occurring to nearby vehicles).

Finally, in order to have the most meaningful statistical analysis, having an accurate count of incidents of gunfire would also be required… not an easy thing to calculate, as many incidents may result in multiple 911 calls or be misinterpreted as “fireworks.”

While none wish to make light of the violence that touches lives all too frequently in our City That Care Forgot, it is also true that gallows humor is an oft-celebrated coping mechanism in our beautifully absurd city. Commentary soon shifted to possible boosterism-style slogans (akin to the unintentional humor of the Ochner Hospital banner displayed at the Louis Armstrong International Airport):

“New Orleans: We’re violent, but no longer lethal.” ~ Alex Rawls
“New Orleans, where we can’t hit the broad side of a barn!” ~ Alex Rawls
“New Orleans, where even the bad guys party!” ~ Alex Rawls
“New Orleans, where we put the ‘play’ in ‘gunplay.'” ~ Alex Rawls
“New Orleans: The Gangs that couldn’t shoot straight.” ~ Karen Gadbois

Some expressed a more positive and/or inspirational tone, possibly with the hope of inspiring our city’s citizens to aim higher:

“New Orleans, where almost DOES count.” ~ Karen Gadbois
“NOLA for Lifers” ~ Karen Gadbois
(Mari remarked that this one, in particular, should made into a bumper sticker placed on all City Hall vehicles.)
“New Orleans: where the only thing high calibre is our music.” ~ Alex Rawls

As Mari Kornhauser noted: “Once again, New Orleans wears the tragicomedy mask one on top of the other — not side by side.”

All posts by lunanola

The post New Orleans: We’re violent, but no longer lethal by lunanola appeared first on HumidCity.

]]> 0
Absolute, Undeniable, Verifiable PROOF That All Mass-Shooters Are Democrats Sat, 31 May 2014 15:42:44 +0000 That headline should bring in the folks on the fence an […]

The post Absolute, Undeniable, Verifiable PROOF That All Mass-Shooters Are Democrats by M Styborski appeared first on HumidCity.

That headline should bring in the folks on the fence and certainly grab the attention of the faithful. It is also complete bullshit.

The seed for this stupidity sprouted from right-wing radio knob Roger Hedgecock who asserted that the “five worst recent mass shootings were committed by registered Democrats.” His five consisted of Harris/Klebold (Columbine, Apr 20, 1999), Seung-Hui Cho (Virginia Tech, Apr 16, 2007), Nidal Hasan (Ft Hood, Nov 05, 2009), James Holmes (Aurora Theater, Jul 20, 2012) and Adam Lanza (Sandy Hook, Dec 14, 2012). While he acknowledged Harris and Klebold were too young to vote, he claimed, without proof, that their parents were progressive, liberal Democrats.

The events date Hedgecock’s drivel to no earlier than December 2012, following the Sandy hook shooting. Since then the “information” has circulated in e-mails, appeared verbatim on newspaper op-ed pages and been relayed by Republican politicians who can’t be bothered to do a little fact-checking.

The latest incarnation began circulating following the September 16, 2013 Washington Navy Yard shooting. In just half a day of researching this idiocy I’ve seen forum trolls advising that Eliott Rodger be added to the list, offering no more proof of his political leanings other than, “He’s from California!”

And so, in an effort to decrease stupidity across the globe, I offer this case-by-case rebuttal of the earliest and latest versions:

Original text appears first

[Fact checking is in brackets below]

—– The Earliest Version I Can Find:

Why is it that those who steal guns and kill movie goers and children in school are always Democrats and not conservatives or NRA members?

Ft. Hood shooter – Registered Democrat – Muslim

[FALSE. Nidal Hasan was born and lived in Virginia, served at Walter Reed Army Medical Center in Washington, DC, transferred to Ft Hood, Texas. Both Virginia and Texas have non-partisan voter registration, meaning when you register to vote you DO NOT LIST AN AFFILIATED PARTY! Washington, DC is a special federal district with no voting rights and, obviously, no voter registration.]

Columbine shooters – Too young to vote but both families were registered Democrats and progressive liberals.

[FALSE. I, and many others, have been able to find no record of registration of the Harris or Klebold families. While it remains possible, to state this as a fact is simply wrong. Both children, however, professed an admiration of Timothy McVeigh, a registered Republican.]

Virginia Tech shooter – Registered Democrat – Wrote hate mail to President Bush and to his staff.

[FALSE. Seung-Hui Cho moved to America with his parents, as a child. While of voting age, Cho was a US Permanent Resident Alien, a status which allowed him to vote in local and state elections open to any non-citizen. However, Cho lived in Virginia which, as previously stated, has non-partisan voter registration. His party affiliation would not be listed. Oh, Virginia also requires full US Citizenship to participate in ANY election, meaning Cho would not even be able to even register to vote!]

Colorado Theater shooter – Registered Democrat; staff worker on the Obama campaign; Occupy Wall Street participant; progressive liberal.

[FALSE. James Holmes. This was reported by ABC News and Breitbart blogger Joel Pollack. However, ABC’s Brian Williams and the Breitbart website issued corrections (Breitbart went so far as to admit that due to inability to match dates and addresses, Holmes may not have even been registered to vote,) and Williams issued an apology. Apparently someone found a James Holmes on Democratic rolls but failed to check that it was the same person as the shooter. It was not. Despite this, Holmes continues to be listed on newer versions. I did not search for the “chicken or the egg” relationship between ABC and Breitbart. Both were culpable, both took timely, corrective action.]

Connecticut School Shooter – Registered Democrat; hated Christians.

[FALSE. Adam Lanza’s registration has never been verified. This claim is based on another claim that in Connecticut, registered Democrats outnumber registered Republicans 2-1, the theory being with so many more Dems in CT, Lanza MUST be one! Except that his hometown of Newtown is primarily a “red” area and there are (unverified) reports that his mother was a registered Republican. As of October, 2012, CT registrations are comprised of 20% Rep, 37% Dem and 42% unaffiliated. In CT, party affiliation is optional at registration and a voter has the right to become unaffiliated at will. Using the freewheeling method of logic so adored by this e-mail compiler it is more probable that Lanza was independent or unaffiliated as they outnumber either party.]

Congresswoman Gabby Giffords’ shooter – Leftist, registered Democrat.

[FALSE. Wishing does not make it so. The Washington Post confirms that Jared Lee Loughner registered as an Independent in 2006, voted at least twice, and was listed as “inactive” for the 2010 elections. At the time of the shooting, BOTH sides attempted to paint Loughner in the colors of the other. Both sides were wrong.]

All of these shooters were progressive Democrats! Why is that the media always tells us that conservative NRA-type gun-owners are the real danger? Lesson… Don’t trust the media! Or politicians!

—– The Latest Version:

You just gotta love it. Can’t argue with statistics. Or Democrats!

In 1863 a Democrat shot and killed Abraham Lincoln, President of the United States.

[FALSE. His name, unfortunately, is lost to history as just two years later in 1865 Lincoln was shot and killed AGAIN by John Wilkes Booth, a supporter of slavery and Confederate sympathizer who was a member of the Know Nothing Party which grew from various anti-Catholic and anti-Immigrant nativist parties of the time.]

In 1881 a left wing radical Democrat shot James Garfield, President of the United States who later died from the wound.

[FALSE. Charles Guiteau was a member of the Republican Party, (Yes, THAT Republican Party!,) initially supporting US Grant. In fact, he wrote a speech (read: cliché-filled rant) entitled “Grant vs Hancock” to be delivered in 1880 but revised it, (Essentially crossing out “Grant” and writing in “Garfield”,) when Garfield became the Republican favorite at the 1880 convention. The speech was given at least twice and widely circulated among Republicans, including at the 1880 RNC summer meeting. As a result Guiteau felt that he was responsible for Garfield’s success and was owed an ambassadorship. His constant badgering of Garfield and other cabinet members eventually forced Secretary of State James Blaine to demand Guiteau get lost and never return. Guiteau stalked Garfield for some time before eventually pulling the trigger.]

In 1963 a radical left wing socialist shot and killed John F. Kennedy, President of the United States.

[TRUISH. Lee Harvey Oswald was a “left wing socialist”, though I’m uncertain how that equates with “progressive liberal Democrat” in any reality than that of the far-right nutjob.]

In 1975 a left wing radical Democrat fired shots at Gerald Ford, President of the United States.

[FALSE. Sara Jane Moore was a bookkeeper for William Randolph Hearst’s “People In Need”. She was not a Democrat, but a self-professed Marxist. She was also an informant for the FBI during her romp through various Bay Area underground movements. Both doctors and federal agents who have interviewed Moore can’t explain her assassination attempt. She lies truly outside of every pattern. She purchased a gun with the intent to shoot Ford then almost immediately called San Francisco Police Inspector Jack O’Shea claiming she was going to Stanford to “test the system” and he should arrest her. O’Shea called the FBI who called the Secret Service who interviewed Moore, confiscated her weapon and ammo and then released her the following day. Moore purchased another gun, made several calls to authorities who brilliantly ignored her pleas for arrest. She then went to the St Francis Hotel and took aim at Ford, firing only ONE shot before being wrestled to the ground by a decorated former Marine. (A homosexual Marine at that!) I give more credence to the conspiracy theories that Moore was a brainwashed agent of an FBI/SS plot to assassinate Ford than to her inclusion on this list.

In case you wonder if this refers to Lynette “Squeaky” Fromme, it can’t. A former Manson Family member, Fromme’s attack came just seventeen days prior to Moore’s and while Fromme may have been a left-wing freak she never actually fired a shot. It’s possible Fromme was a Democrat but her attempt on Ford’s life was in regard to the “plight of the California Redwoods”.

Sidenote: Moore’s name is conveniently left off these e-mails because many of them refer to “white male violence.” ether in the e-mail itself or in the initial commentary when posted in forums. It would not do to have a bothersome fact interrupt the overall flow of the deluded narrative…]

In 1983 a registered Democrat shot and wounded Ronald Reagan, President of the United States.

[NO PROOF. There is no evidence that John Hinckley, Jr was a Democrat. His parents were registered Republicans though. Of course, Hinckley shot at Reagan in 1981 so maybe there was another attempt that we never heard about. The only basis we have for his inclusion here is that he shot at a Republican, (Similar to the inclusion of Guiteau,) however before stalking and shooting Reagan, he stalked Jimmy Carter, a Democrat for a while before being arrested in Tennessee on a weapons charge. Before that he stalked Jodie Foster. I don’t know what her affiliation is.]

In 1984 James Hubert, a disgruntled Democrat, shot and killed 22 people in a McDonalds restaurant.

[NO PROOF. There is no available evidence that James Huberty, (not Hubert,) was a Democrat. On the day of the shooting, however, Huberty told his wife that he hated, “children, Mexicans and the United States.” The number of victims was actually 21.]

In 1986 Patrick Sherril, a disgruntled Democrat, shot and killed 15 people in an Oklahoma post office.

[NO PROOF. There is no available evidence that Patrick Sherrill, (not Sherril,) was a Democrat. This is the incident that coined the phrase “going postal”.]

In 1990 James Pough, a disgruntled Democrat, shot and killed 10 people at a GMAC office.

[NO PROOF. There is no available evidence that James Pough was a Democrat. The number of victims was actually 11. For those tracking the “white male violence” angle, Pough was African American.]

In 1991 George Hennard, a disgruntled Democrat, shot and killed 23 people in a Lubys cafeteria in Killeen, TX.

[NO PROOF. There is no available evidence that Hennard was a Democrat, however he lived in Texas which, again, does not record party affiliations on voter registration.]

In 1995 James Daniel Simpson, a disgruntled Democrat, shot and killed 5 coworkers in a Texas laboratory.

[NO PROOF. There is no available evidence that Simpson was a Democrat. Yet again, a resident of Texas which does not record party affiliations on voter registration.]

In 1999 Larry Asbrook, a disgruntled Democrat, shot and killed 8 people at a church service.

[NO PROOF. There is no available evidence that Ashbrook, (not Asbrook,) was a Democrat. And guess what? He lived in Texas too! So far the single, most common thread is that five of these idiots lived in Texas and whoever compiled the list is miserable at correct dates, names, victim counts and facts!]

In 2001 a left wing radical Democrat fired shots at the White House in a failed attempt to kill George W. Bush, President of the U.S.

[FALSE. Robert W Pickett was a “disgruntled former employee of the Internal Revenue Service” but there is no available evidence that he was a Democrat. Told to leave work in the 1980’s, Pickett embarked on a succession of lawsuits against the IRS, his immediate superior and his union the National Treasury Emplpoyees Union. While he did fire shots “in the general direction of the White House” he used a handgun and did not aim. After the initial shots were fired Pickett threatened suicide until he was shot in the knee and secured. There is more evidence that this was an attempt at suicide by cop than that Bush was the target.]

In 2003 Douglas Williams, a disgruntled Democrat, shot and killed 7 people at a Lockheed Martin plant.

[NO PROOF. There is no available evidence that Williams was a Democrat.]

In 2007 a registered Democrat named Seung – Hui Cho shot and killed 32 people in Virginia Tech .

[FALSE. See the original e-mail above. Also, not a “white male”.]

In 2010 a mentally ill registered Democrat named Jared Lee Loughner shot Rep. Gabrielle Giffords and killed 6 others.

[FALSE. See the original e-mail above. This incident took place in 2011, not 2010.]

In 2011 a registered Democrat named James Holmes went into a movie theater and shot and killed 12 people.

[FALSE. See the original e-mail above. This incident took place in 2012, not 2011.]

In 2012 Andrew Engeldinger, a disgruntled Democrat, shot and killed 7 people in Minneapolis.

[NO PROOF. There is no available evidence that Engeldinger was a Democrat.]

In 2013 a registered Democrat named Adam Lanza shot and killed 26 people in a school in Newtown, CT.

[FALSE. See the original e-mail above. This incident took place in 2012, not 2013.]

As recently as Sept 2013, an angry Democrat shot 12 at a Navy ship yard.

[NO PROOF. There is no available evidence that Aaron Alexis was a Democrat but he was a Buddhist. He was last registered to vote in New York City in 2002 according to NBC News, but his affiliation was not given. Also not a “white male”.]

Clearly there is a problem with Democrats having guns.

[FALSE. Clearly there is a problem with right-wing nutjob falsehoods and fearmongering.]

In conclusion, for those cases with no available evidence I conclude that it’s POSSIBLE that some MAY have been Democrats but to state categorically that they were is simply BULLSHIT.

Not only that, but since 1982 there have been over SEVENTY mass shootings and the cases listed here represent just a fraction of those! Following are some of the other fifty cases that simply wouldn’t fit the distorted “Democratic facts” no matter how hard anyone tried: Buford Furrow Jr, Jim David Atkinson, Keith Luke, Dannie Baker and Wade Michael Page. None even close to being Democrats, some actually registered republicans, most either white supremacists or anti-immigrationists. The difference? Nobody is claiming that their Republican affiliation caused their murderous rage.

People, do your research when someone sends you something like this. You don’t have to be a genius to fact-check and you certainly won’t look like one if you don’t!

-M Styborski

The post Absolute, Undeniable, Verifiable PROOF That All Mass-Shooters Are Democrats by M Styborski appeared first on HumidCity.

]]> 0
NOLA Whovians: Time Fest II Looms! Wed, 14 May 2014 22:17:26 +0000 Time Fest II: Flyer

I am very happy to announce HumidCity’s sponsorsh […]

The post NOLA Whovians: Time Fest II Looms! by Loki appeared first on HumidCity.

Time Fest II: Flyer


I am very happy to announce HumidCity’s sponsorship of NOLA Time Fest II, an event I helped launch last year. It’s been a while since we sponsored a show, and we roll into our ninth year online I am hoping to do more of it through the course of 2014.

Produced by my often times collaborators in the Consortium of Genius and the Krewe du Who this Doctor Who oriented event draws on the rich traditions of New Orleans based fandom and costuming while presenting an array of vendors and activities from across space and time. From Doctor Who pinball tournaments to Shoot a Dalek for Charity we filled the day with the type of geeky fun that only NOLA fandom can produce. Last year we had a blast, selling out in a matter of hours to a crowd that all left with smiles. cementing our decision that this needed to become an annual event.

Now it is one year later. William Hurt has donned the mantle of The Doctor. We’ve seen Paul McGann regenerate. We survived the cosplay bar crawl. Time to do it again, just bigger and more fun.

Here, let the filth of Skaro fill you in a bit on what in store this coming June 7th.  At the very least you can watch a local musician/comic shop owner get offed by the daleks…

No need to contact Dorium Maldovar, you can easily procure tickets in advance without needing to plumb those social depths. (Besides, last year we sold out by about lunchtime so grabbing them in advance is probably wise.)

It’s great to be working with Consortium of Genius and Krewe du Who on this, and a pleasure to be joining 5 Stones Media in manning the virtual bullhorns! We had a fantastic time with the first one, now it’s time to up the ante! 

The post NOLA Whovians: Time Fest II Looms! by Loki appeared first on HumidCity.

]]> 0
Artist of New Orleans 3 Fri, 28 Mar 2014 20:59:50 +0000                                                         […]

The post Artist of New Orleans 3 by Anthony Posey appeared first on HumidCity.

humibb13320350703_f4a3e70f36_o                                                                                                                       Patrick Ainsworth, Concert Photographer/Photojournalist. When asked about his goal, he responded,
“To do the very best I can each day!”

The post Artist of New Orleans 3 by Anthony Posey appeared first on HumidCity.

]]> 0
Artist of New Orleans Fri, 28 Mar 2014 19:33:43 +0000 Brent Houzenga: Muralist, Street Abstract Artist. When asked for a quote he responded, "Live with purpose passionately."

The post Artist of New Orleans by Anthony Posey appeared first on HumidCity.


Brent Houzenga: Muralist, Street Abstract Artist. When asked for a quote he responded, “Live with purpose passionately.”

The post Artist of New Orleans by Anthony Posey appeared first on HumidCity.

]]> 0
Oshun Parade 2014 Sat, 22 Feb 2014 17:09:00 +0000 SONY DSC

The post Oshun Parade 2014 by Anthony Posey appeared first on HumidCity.



The post Oshun Parade 2014 by Anthony Posey appeared first on HumidCity.

]]> 0
Mardi Gras Mom-Bo Fri, 21 Feb 2014 17:22:11 +0000 kingcake

As part of our ongoing Carnival coverage here is a gues […]

The post Mardi Gras Mom-Bo by Loki appeared first on HumidCity.


kingcakeAs part of our ongoing Carnival coverage here is a guest post contributed by Heather Penden. While it is not quite our usual fare if you read it to the end you will see why we decided to share it. Enjoy! -Loki

“Can I pee in the bushes?” my mini-me inquires. “No, you can’t pee in the bushes. Why would you want to pee in the…” and that is when my daughters and I both witnessed a penis (not belonging to my husband) shaken twice before being tucked away. This pee-happy parade-goer even kept beat with the high school drummer as the procession marched down the street. It is Mardi Gras time in New Orleans and along the bustling avenues, the city is jam-packed with pee-ers, prophets, party-seekers, and parents passing the baton of “laissez les bon temps rouler.”

So how does one manage “letting the good times roll” when my rolling days now refer to a jogging stroller? When my breast popping out means it’s feeding time? Thoughts like these just don’t enter your mind when you are keeping in step with tradition. This tradition, like most, requires physical presence to fully understand. My Swedish-imported husband never fully appreciated the idea of a city being torn apart by visitor’s displaying his or her worst behavior for a last raucous romp before a ritual time of fasting. I always worried he wouldn’t get it. Yet now, even I can’t understand what there is to get. What is special about this festive time in this party-loving city? Why am I –WITH CHILDREN FOR CHRIST’S SAKE—even here? Not having an immediate answer to that question made me doubt even my own cultural credibility.
The baby-carrier strapped to my front bounced an infant not yet five months old. Her presence goes unheeded by the smokers and tokers that fill the corner where we stand, an all too familiar smell of oily-herbal-pungence wafting around us. We are stuck here until the next float passes, sirens of police escorts suddenly blasting out an audio warning for revelers to back-away, both daughters jump startled. My oldest daughter clings to my leg. Her shoulder presses into my inner thigh as though she is trying to climb back inside the parts from whence she sprang out of me only three years prior. I hold her hand firmly, raise my voice high enough for her to hear me, “We will be back with Papa in a jiffy! Look at the beautiful colors on the float! Do you see all those ladies dressed like mermaids!?!”

She looks up excitedly and smiles a purple toothy grin. The color of royalty has stained her teeth. It is a common side-effect of the king-cake we polished off only an hour ago. At three she had never experienced eating fried chicken from a box whilst sitting atop a ladder on the street. Popeye’s fried chicken chased with a sugar-topped-brioche-ring-cake is a parade-route-dinner-specialty. I smile because I can remember the same crunchy, salty chicken and candy sweet combo on my tongue when I was her size.

Another sudden near-deafening blurt from a police siren signals me back to reality.
All around me people smile, the air is filled with an array of food smells, sounds of trumpets in the distance. The energy engages the body and makes the stiff parts feel fluid. It provokes the mind to put off all priority and postpone practicality. My daughter squeals in delight as she reaches for a bouncy ball beneath my boot. A group dressed as cowboys and Indians to our left hits play on a boom-box and the beat of a familiar festival tune blares, they encircle us dancing without any cares. It is the unexpected intermission of this carnival affair, as the break creates opportunity for crowds to perform their own show. The costumed impress my tiny dancer, her eyes as big as moon-pies, and they shimmy, shake, and pow-wow in unison to the Mambo’s perfect percussive intrusion.

As the floats begin their approach once again, the boom box operator and performers begin to process counter the crowd flow. In mere moments, the tractor is upon our block, dragging the two-story trailer of brightly colored décor and masked throwers who appease the crowds with their various colorful tosses. We back away again from the street in a huddled clump as parade trinkets, cups, and doubloons fly left and right. The little one’s head I protectively cover with my oversized sweatshirt sleeves, the younger one I allow to reach for a stranger’s offered string of beads. The float passes quickly and I see my husband’s arms flailing and motioning for me from across the avenue on the neutral ground.

We see our chance and quickly spring forward, crossing the street. The crowd parts to let us through, holding their arms out to create a path for my little girl to reach her Papa’s extended hand. He pulls her forward, bosom-hugging infant and I fall into the space of this group embrace. It is from the side, I can see from whence I came. A place filled with fun and friendship among strangers, a place where my daughter can find delight in things thrown into the street, where we can dance to a beat, feel the rhythm of life from our head to our feet.

I remember again in this “City That Care Forgot,” there is no place like home. The sounds of the music, the crowds all around us, the visual overload…it is all home. Coming home to this tradition is coming home to parts of me I sometimes forget. I feel a flutter deep in my chest. Sharing this with my little ones seems the most natural thing in the world. The St. Augustine horn section makes their approach, both daughters are bouncing, my youngest upon me, oldest in my man’s arms. I look up at my husband and as our eyes meet I can tell, he too, can feel the beat. There’s no tradition like this tradition that I’m more proud to call home.

The post Mardi Gras Mom-Bo by Loki appeared first on HumidCity.

]]> 0
Artist of New Orleans Thu, 20 Feb 2014 19:08:54 +0000 SONY DSC

Joseph Konert, Muralist. When asked about himself he re […]

The post Artist of New Orleans by Anthony Posey appeared first on HumidCity.



Joseph Konert, Muralist. When asked about himself he responded: ” I am walking in unwavering faith ! “

The post Artist of New Orleans by Anthony Posey appeared first on HumidCity.

]]> 0
Krewe Du Vieux: Spanked #ThroughGlass Thu, 20 Feb 2014 16:19:39 +0000 20140215_154720_695

We are kicking off a new series of videos, Carnival Und […]

The post Krewe Du Vieux: Spanked #ThroughGlass by Loki appeared first on HumidCity.


We are kicking off a new series of videos, Carnival Under Glass, with an inside look at Krewe du Vieux.

I had the honor of being asked to ref for one of the subkrewes, which means pulling the floats into and out of the den, controlling the crowd, and wrangling the marchers. It was a lot of fun, and the Krewe of Spank was demented in the most wonderful way!

So here is a semi-NSFW look at the Krewe du Vieux as we kick off the serious part of Carnival Season.


Many thanks to all my friends and compatriots in all the subkrewes of KdV! I finally got off my ass and joined you on the stumble!

The post Krewe Du Vieux: Spanked #ThroughGlass by Loki appeared first on HumidCity.

]]> 0
Comic Con Under Glass Thu, 13 Feb 2014 18:22:19 +0000 Here we go, kids, the New Orleans Comic Con coverage ha […]

The post Comic Con Under Glass by Loki appeared first on HumidCity.

Here we go, kids, the New Orleans Comic Con coverage has arrived! Three days of shooting video and interviews through Google Glass is now available for your viewing pleasure. Here is the complete series of episodes, if you enjoy them please share them!

First up are interviews with Artist Eric Hutchinson of Inbeon Studios and Manu Bennet (Azog the White Orc in The Hobbit and Slade Wilson in Arrow).


Magic: The Gathering Artist Jeff Meges talks about the 20th Anniversary of the game and the celebratory book about it. We also interview a few cosplayers.


The next episode covers Tabletop Gaming, Cosplay, and an interview with comic legacy Joel Adams (son of Neal Adams).


In this episode Loki talks to one of he hosts of local radio show The Week In Geek (WGSO). Then we share a demonstration of Zero Point 3D's human scanning setup as they make custom miniatures of local cosplayers.


Next up we look at two groups that give back to the community: worldwide Star Wars reenactment groupThe 501st Legion and the Comic Book Legal Defense Fund.


Time to look at local. LARPing in the World of Darkness setting with NO Last call and an interview with Josh Adams (Neal Adams' other son).


Now for some purely local focus we talk to the Krewe du Who and Orion's Envy


Web series The Adventures of Keith Flippen is the focus of this episode,a long with a segment about Sci-Fi Speed Dating.


The Terminator episode! Loki interviews Linda Hamilton (Sarah Connor) with the Skynet tech. We also talk to the Krewe of Chewbacchus as they prep for Carnival.


many Comics fans don't realize that legendary writer Marv Wolfman is a computer geek from way back when. In this episode I let him test drive GoogleGglass and talk about the technology.



The post Comic Con Under Glass by Loki appeared first on HumidCity.

]]> 0