HumidCity

King Ronald Lewis Will Guide Mysterious New Route

Our magical city has a communications director named Quiett. Its web address is cityofNO.com. City Hall is located on Perdido Street - Spanish for lost. And you want to know where the misery comes from?

Indeed, it’s been quite a detour de force for the whole state and nation this year. Sen. Larry Craig crooned “Blew Gay Way”, while our own senator sang “David Vitter’s Lonely Whores Club Band”; then joined they both joined the entire Congress in “Fools on the Hill”.

A state judge refused to sing “Cleo Fields Forever”, but the New Orleans City Council did a rousing chorus of “I Am The Wal-Mart”. Oliver Thomas launched his solo career with “Can Buy My Love”, while our D.A. ended his with “Sgt. Eddie’s Only Honkies Banned”. Faint traces could occasionally be heard of Mayor Nagin’s “Nowhere Man”; Governor Blanco’s rendition of “Your Mother Should Know” never even made it on the charts; but people all over Louisiana were heard humming “Bobby in the State House With Dimples”. The new governor’s first hit release was “All We Need Is Cash”.

The walrus was appalled.

Many versions of “You Never Give Me My Money” were dedicated to the Roadblock Home people. Contractors everywhere belted out “Why Don’t We Dump It In The Road?”, while all of us here in K-Doeville found salvation with “We All Live In a Jello-Shot Machine”.

Taking full advantage of this string of chart-toppers, the bottom-dwellers of Krewe du Vieux have decided to embark upon a Magical Misery Tour. There will be new Twists on this year’s trek through Faubourg Marigny and French Quarter, which will be a loop of looped loopies that will end where it begins. Whether it goes anywhere or not, the parade will take place on the impossibly early date and time of Saturday, January 19 at 6:30 PM.

Playing chief tour guide will be King Ronald Lewis, who after 31 years of keeping streetcars on the straight and narrow path will now lead the Krewe down a bong and winding road. Mardi Gras Indian, founder of the House of Dance and Feathers, preserver of our culture, emperor in new suits, sultan of social aid and pleasure, King Ronald will reign over an amazing day in our life.

Detour will lead de Krewe to the new site for this year’s Krewe du Vieux Doo, 2121 Chartres Street. Doors open at 9:00 PM. This year’s nonstop lineup includes 101 Runners, Juice, J.D. Hill, and the Honey Island Swamp Band, with a special late night trip by Quintron and Miss Pussycat. The public is invited and forewarned. Tickets are $25 per person, available at the Louisiana Music Factory, 210 Decatur Street; Mardi Gras Zone, 2706 Royal Street; Miss Claudia’s Vintage Clothes and Costume Shop, 4204 Magazine Street; and Up in Smoke, 4507 Magazine Street.

The Krewe du Vieux’s seventeen subkrewes will each present their own magical, miserable, misguided, mysterious, maniacal, magnificent, and entirely imaginary interpretations of the theme. Subkrewes include the Krewe of C.R.U.D.E., Krewe of Space Age Love, Krewe of Underwear, Seeds of Decline, Krewe of Mama Roux, Krewe of L.E.W.D., Krewe of Drips and Discharges, Krewe of K.A.O.S., Knights of Mondu, T.O.K.I.N., Krewe Rue Bourbon, Krewe de C.R.A.P.S., Krewe of PAN, Mystic Krewe of Spermes, Krewe of Comatose, Mystic Krewe of Inane, and Krewe du Mishigas.

Also marching will be many of the city’s top brass bands. Showcasing the local brass band talent is one of the few Krewe du Vieux traditions not currently being considered as a strategy for “winning” the war in Iraq.

The Krewe du Vieux is a non-profit organization dedicated to the historical and traditional concept of a Mardi Gras parade as a venue for individual creative expression and satirical comment. It is unique among all Mardi Gras parades because it alone carries on the old Carnival traditions, by using decorated, hand or mule-drawn floats with satirical themes, accompanied by costumed revelers dancing to the sounds of jazzy street musicians. We believe in exposing the world to the true nature of Mardi Gras — and in exposing ourselves to the world.

Krewe du View Official Site-http://www.kreweduvieux.org/

Jena 6

Originally uploaded by azrainman.

The Jena 6 Case is History Written in Lightning

Lady Justice is said to be color blind and free of racism, cept in Jena, LA and that’s on both sides. The lightning strike is coming for those who pervert or abuse justice for personal gains.

Guest Post crossposted from:

AZRainman : Photoshop Satire

Hollywood: Heiress, Pussy Hilton, granddaughter of cryogenically frozen Paris Hilton, best known as the Death Tax Princess for her refusal to ever die, has pled “No Contest” to charges that she beat another of her ’servants for life’ to death, during a cocaine frenzy & tantrum. She received a suspended five day sentence and has entered rehab for the entire afternoon.

Washington: George W. the Third, Emperor For Life of the United States and head of the Republicans For God party, has revamped the Patriot/Traitor Act yet again. His new Peace Brigade now has the power to enter any place of business, worship or dwelling at will, and arrest anyone at anytime under the Sneaking Suspicion Act, hold suspects indefinitely and without counsel, and shoot to kill on grounds of Suspected Resistance. Naysayers of this giant step for freedom were unavailable for comment.

New Orleans: The Army Corps of Engineers has announced that the pumps in the City of New Orleans may be fully operational by the end of this year’s Hurricane Season. The levee repairs started after Katrina (2005) should be completed within five years, assuming the walls around the gated Haliburton Village, America’s most expensive neighborhood, are finished. Blackwater USA was again uncontested in their application for security there. Located in what used to be the Lower Ninth Ward, these estate homes and golf course represent the highest concentration of politicians and oil barons in the USA and “deserve protection from the Great Unwashed”, according to White House spokesmen.

In The News: The Independent Islamic States of New York, Florida and Georgia once again held trials for any single men and women who attended last week’s Heresy Burnings without a chaperone. Defense counsel asked for torture and dismemberment instead of the televised burnings. This is believed to be a ploy to boost the sagging ratings during immoliation broadcasts, which have continued a downward trend since they began airing weekly. Follow-up programing to the torture shows, such as ‘Healing Back to Allah’, rate highly in the reality TV market.

In Georgia: The rash of arrests of women who appear without veils has fallen sharply, due largely to the Hot Iron Blindings, given mercifully by Clerics Of Study & Punishment, but other states, where science is still legal, say that this is due to the large number of people wearing welders helmets, as temperatures reach the low 120’s and UV rays once again burn the paint off older cars. Bucky ‘Haliburton’ Cheney, Energy Czar, has suggested a tax on these helmets, as well as the newer Fossil Fuel Free automobiles, saying that funding is needed to study the possibility that we are experiencing “Global Cooling”.

When asked his opinion, Michael Moore III spoke from the Sedition Section of Death Row, where he awaits execution for heresy and treason, saying only, “You’re fucking kidding me, right?”

-Lord David

As I think back to my days living in NYC back in ‘99 and all the intervening ones (especially my return there on the run from the Federal Flood) I realize that tragedy surrounds us daily. Art is an antidote to daily life and the tragedies that have become so mundane and “matter of fact.” With that in mind it is my honor to share this:

Cripple Creek Theatre Co.September 11, 2007
When it opened on Broadway in 1936, the New York Times suggested Bury the Dead

“…ought to be boycotted by militarists, ammunition vendors and saber rattlers.” Regrettably, the subject is as relevant today as it was then.

In Baghdad 87 of every 100,000 residents will be become casualties of war in the coming year. In New Orleans, the numbers are more grim — 96 of every 100,000 will be murdered. And while there are 13,500 servicemen in Baghdad, only 300 are here in New Orleans.

The war has drained over 415 billion dollars from the public purse. For perspective, that’s enough one dollar bills — stacked in piles — to erect a wall a foot wide and ten feet high along our 350 miles of levees.

Join the dialogue — see “Bury the Dead” this weekend.

Bury the Dead Buy Tickets Online

Sept 13, 2007 through Oct 20, 2007

Crawford, Texas (AP) - June 1st, 2007

In a strange twist of irony as hurricane season officially opened today, a tragic flood this morning destroyed the personal library of President George W. Bush. The flood began in the presidential bathroom where both of the books were kept. Both of the books have been lost. A presidential spokesperson said the president was devastated, as he had almost finished coloring the second one.

White House staff members repeatedly tried to call the Federal Emergency Management Agency to notify them of the situation, but there was no answer.

Well there my wacky little geeks and freaks, tonight marks a (lately) rare appearance by Mr. & Mrs. Loki down at the Howling Wolf. I strongly encourage all local bloggers to meet up for the latest attmpt by The Consortium of genius to take over New Orleans.

Silent Night

Silent night, no gunfights,
All is calm, ‘till Twelfth Night
Round the city debris still is piled.
Our politicians still should be reviled,
Christmas will come anyway.
Christmas will come anyway.

Silent night, times are tight,
Neighbors still living in the blight,
Friends are scattered both here and afar,
Nagin gave us a Recovery Czar;
Waiting on the Road Home!
Waiting on the Road Home!

Silent night, hope ignite,
We’ll survive, though times are tight
New Orle-ans shall be reborn,
While our leaders keep earning our scorn,
Running the long paper chase.
Running the long paper chase.

By George “Loki” Williams copyright 2006

Since you readers seem to be gluttons for punishment I am going to try to cough up one of these each day between now and Xmas. I’ll be waiting for th hate mail…

Rummy Boy
To the tune of Little Drummer Boy

Wait they told me, da dumb dumb dumb dumb
Assistance will arrive, da dumb dumb dumb dumb
We will rebuild the Gulf, da dumb dumb dumb dumb
We’ll make the city sing, dumb dumb dumb dumb,
dumb dumb dumb dumb, dumb dumb dumb dumb,
But corruption ruled dumb dumb dumb dumb,
Pass me the rum.

Oh New Orleans, da dumb dumb dumb dumb
This fate is not for you da dumb dumb dumb dumb
We have no leadership, da dumb dumb dumb dumb
There’s no one at the wheel da dumb dumb dumb dumb
dumb dumb dumb dumb, dumb dumb dumb dumb,
We will do it ourselves, da dumb dumb dumb dumb,
Where is the rum?

Now it is Christmas, da dumb dumb dumb dumb,
Friends scattered everywhere, da dumb dumb dumb dumb
We will do with what we have, da dumb dumb dumb dumb
I raise my glass to them, da dumb dumb dumb dumb,
dumb dumb dumb dumb, dumb dumb dumb dumb,
I hope they”ll be home soon, da dumb dumb dumb dumb
Me and my rum

By George “Loki” Williams
copyright 2006

Gather round the propane boys and girls, Loki has a holiday bedtime story to share:

Twas the night before Christmas, when all through the blogs
We hid from the rain, falling like cats and dogs;
The stockings were hung in the trailers with care,
In hopes a Road Home check soon would be there;
GBitch was nestled all snug in her bed,
While visions of levees danced in Adrastos head;
Maitri in her sari, mind like a steel trap,
And Ray in New Orleans, enduring more crap,
When out on da po’ blog there arose such a clatter,
I sprang to my laptop to join in the chatter.
Away to my Windows I flew like a flash,
But a Blue Screen of Death caused my laptop to crash.
The moon in the puddles of new-fallen rain
Showed American Zombie out placing more blame,
When, what to my wondering eyes should appear,
But Poppy Z. Brite (she was pounding a beer),
There was dear little Sophmom, so lively and quick,
Standing in because FEMA had detained St. Nick
More rapid than ScoutPrime her coursers they came,
And she whistled, and shouted, and called them by name;
“Now, Alan! now, Ashley! now, Gentilly Girl!
On, Ernie! on, Blagueur! on, Slate (there’s my girl!)
I saw Mr Bingle he was at the town hall!
Now blog away! blog away! blog away all!”
As the waters that after the levee’s break flow,
(The Corps was responsible, everyone knows!);
And up to the rubble the coursers they swam,
With a wounded Greg Peters, he still is The Man!.
Yat Pundit and Becky, I heard on the roof
While Dangerblond carolled and acted the goof.
As I drew in my head, and was turning around,
Into my door Oyster came with a bound.
He had Lisa wih him, his wife Lovely as well,
Pearlgirl was cute as a snail in its shell:
“People Get Ready, for its the Third Battle,
Read Nation of Morons, it disects the prattle!”
His glasses — they twinkled! his bottle how merry!
He filled, added Rox, and he dropped in a cherry!
“Its our Moldy City and I’ll never move
Theres nothing quite like the Home of the Groove!”
Then in came Mike Homan with a jug of sweet tea,,
And then Jeffrey joined us fresh from library;
We had jambalaya and good pepper jelly,
We ignored the mold, even though it was smelly.
Though the National Guard through our streets still do roam,
The Saints have been winning at the Superdome!
Its Post K New Orleans and there’s a lot that looks grim,
But we’re real New Orleanians and know how to swim;
We’ll rebuild our city, we’ll put in the work,
Despite C Ray Nagin and that “Dolla’ Bill” jerk,
Our Blue Tarp Buffet, it tickled my nose,
our new blogger friends have all lightened our woes;
They took a few pics, which we posted to flikr,
And they hopped in a car with a “Fix The Pumps,” sticker,
But I heard them exclaim, ere they drove out of sight,
“Happy Christmas New Orleans, now keep up the fight!”

EDIT: Check out Kelcrow7’s offering from last year! It’s kicks!

EDIT 2:If you wish to repost feel free, all I ask is notification and that you include the following at the end: Writtten by George “Loki” Williams Reprinted from http://humidcity.com/2006/12/21/the-blog-before-christmas/

usa_seal

Originally uploaded by Humid City.

The government today announced that it is changing its emblem from an Eagle to a CONDOM because it more accurately reflects the government’s political stance. A condom allows for inflation, halts production, destroys the next generation, protects a bunch of pricks, and gives you a sense of security while you’re actually being screwed!

(Hat tip to the Pirate Chef!)

So how hard can the mail be? Rain. Snow. Sleet. Barking dogs and brown paper subscriptions. A relatively gruntled situation. No reason for dissing the grunt. No reason to wield firearms or kill coworkers. Likewise, for the average resident or mail recipient, the mail is part of life that is both assumed and presumed; well, sometimes, if a nutty fruitcake or holiday beef log then even consumed. A few pieces of treasure snuggled in a mound of junk mail and solicitations. Perhaps the wife’s VS catalog, maybe a chance to win the sweepstakes and a visit from Ed McMahon. Usually the day’s delivery is just a loquacious love-note from an unrequited bill collector or a diatribe from an emotional, ersatz musically, disturbed fan. Oh the joys of semi-fame!. Despite the joys of e-mail, the crisp physical letter from a stalker is always a sensory joy. The smell of cheap perfume on a tear, lipstick, or occasionally blood stained letter. Tsk. Tsk. Oh the good ole days pre Katrina when my fans and stalkage were a blur of body parts, threatening letters, and packing peanuts! Where have all the flowers gone? Well, I just know they have not been delivered here… by the way, I hear that the cemetery is not receiving packages either.

Somehow all that is forgotten in the Big Easy on October 2, 2006. One year and one month and a few sheckles post Katrina (nice polysyndeton, eh?), my mail service is still sketchy, as my home floats from second city to third world but not quite back again. Two packages are M.I.A. My headshots and xylophone (??) were recently returned to senders because, according to the USP (and UPS), I no longer exist. It’s as if I’m out of bizniz. It’s as if I’m dead. But trust me, my voter registration and tax bills will miraculously arrive even after I shed this proverbial mortal coil. Heck in certain parts of the state I’ll probably still be able to and shall vote. How’s that for suffering suffrage? How’s that for purple prose?

Anyway … it’s as if the paperwork and bureaucracy and cluster fudge of FEMA has spilled over into other seemingly efficient operations. Houses, blocks, neighborhoods, and apparently small dynasties (aka the kingdom of me) have disappeared from the map - literally, figuratively, and rand mcnallishly. The computer GPS has erased us. What can Brown do for me? Bring me my friggin’xylophone (why I ordered one or why I’m upset now that it is lost I don’t quite know… but I have the right to bear one, play one, bang one, and even ship and receive one .) Has the Brown of UPS been replaced or re-regulated by the Brown Michael of incompetence? I know UPS and USP are notb the same. But they are. They are. They both function on the same misinformation about whether we exist and where we exist. The postman may only ring twice, but the gov’t seems to keep screwing up again and again and again, Ad infinitum. Ad nausea. Add postage. BLOG THIS!

COG - 10th Anniversary Show

Originally uploaded by Humid City.

Look for Loki and other mutants at the COG Tenth Anniversary Show this evening. A night of twisted humor, heavy music, and guest stars galore is promised.

I will be wearing a t-shirt that says “Loki” in big white letters across the front to make myself easy to find. Come say Hi.

Visit http://www.consortiumofgenius.com for more details!