Teen Beat for President

Mar 14, 2008 by

I’ve just been reading through assorted emails, bulletins, forwarded blogs, etc. and have noticed an alarming trend. No, not the outrageous price of Gubernatorial Hookers, which I admit, was whimsically surprising, but the absolute shameless idiocy that is rising around the upcoming Presidential Election.

I’ve been on the receiving end of a series of bulletins informing me that Barrack Hussien Obama was BORN TO A MUSLIM FATHER. This, I’m told is nearly enough to put him off the ballot, because he absolutely MUST BE an underground muslim agitator. The same letter condemns him because his Pastor at the United Church of Christ is against the war in Iraq.

So, we’re supposed to hate this ‘Muslim’ because of his ‘Christian’ associations? No, not really. The bulletin ends by informing me that it’s not right in America to have a President with “a name like that.”

“Hello, Stupid Police? We got some right here.

Come and pick them up, willya?

Oh, yes, we promised them all free healthcare, so they’re waiting around indefinitely.”

I think that we should all mail in our votes to Teen Beat Magazine, with that little coupon for free Glitter Covers for our cell phones. Votes can be decided by who likes candles over sunsets, which candidate last took a long walk on the beach, the name of their first dog, and a brief quiz on the latest episodes of Gossip Girl.

As long as it’s not during American Idol.

As I make my plans to move further south into the Caribbean (we’re currently the northern-most city, ya know) I can rest assured that what was once the Greatest Country in the World, will carry on, eating drive-through fast food until they can’t get out of the car, arguing over Total Request Live & American Idol (that’s “idle” BTW), waiting to see if Ashton is filming Paris this week, and voting for the President of the United States based on a name he was given at birth, like anyone could control that.

Whoever these people are, their mothers must be so proud. When she gets home from her second job to do their laundry, maybe she’ll say so. If Homeland Security says it’s okay. I’ll be doing something soon to be long forgotten, if not illegal, here in the old USA.

Reading a book.

Lord David
Skull Club
New Orleans


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