farewell from fred

Nov 10, 2008 by

as i wander into my forty fifth year on this planet, i ache to understand where i am now. the disappointments, the failures, and setbacks have somehow lead to this year of epiphanies, connections, and opportunities.  childhood wishes and adulthood adolescence have lead me to work in the toy industry. i find it both surprising and rewarding to walk into the TOYS’R’US and see a toy in which fredtunes reside.  the disasters – personal, mental, and social- have forced paradigm shift from “demand for supply” to “ask nicely,” a philosophy that may sound naïve but has been a spiritual rainmaker. still the gadfly remains. I push and prod in hopes that the apathy around (and inside)me will either molt or melt away.

over the weekend, I was talking to a nurse friend whom i  met in 1988  when I was first diagnosed, perhaps even misdiagnosed.  we discussed my mania, my craziness, my suicidal tendencies. but she also mentioned something i did not know about-the possibility that i may have experienced neuroleptic malignant syndrome while being mismedicated. today i start to the journey to track down old state medical records and unravel this mystery. could this incident explain further health issues? could the NMS have done physical and mental damage never acknowledged?

scarred but smarter…

 thanks for your support… hope to see you all again soon…

ph “freddy” fred

[email protected]

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