The Politics of Crossing the Road – The Interviews

Dec 10, 2008 by

Question: Why the chicken crosses the road?

BARACK OBAMA: The chicken crossed the road because it was time for a change!
The chicken wanted change! The chicken needed change! CHANGE!

JOHN MC CAIN: My friends, that chicken crossed the road because he
recognized the need to engage in cooperation and dialogue with all the
chickens on the other side of the road…

SARAH PALIN: BECAUSE, PRAISE JESUS, I WAS GONNA SHOOT HIS SORRY LIBERAL ASS OFF
FOR BLOCKING MY VIEW OF RUSSIA !

HILLARY CLINTON: When I was First Lady, I personally helped that little
chicken to cross the road. This experience makes me uniquely qualified to
ensure right from Day One that every chicken in this country gets the chance it
deserves to cross the road. But then, this really isn’t about me.

GEORGE W. BUSH: We don’t really care why the chicken crossed the road. We just
want to know if the chicken is on our side of the road, or not.
The chicken is either against us, or for us. There is no middle ground here.

DICK CHENEY: Where’s my gun?

COLIN POWELL: Now to the left of the screen, you can clearly see the
satellite image of the chicken crossing the road.

BILL CLINTON: I did not cross the road with that chicken. What is your
definition of crossing?

AL GORE: I invented the chicken.

JOHN KERRY: Although I voted to let the chicken cross the road, I am now
against it! It was the wrong road to cross, and I was misled about the chicken’s
intentions. I am not for it now, and will remain against it.

AL SHARPTON: Why are all the chickens white? We need some black chickens.

DR. PHIL: The problem we have here is that this chicken won’t realize that he
must first deal with the problem on this side of the road before it goes after
the problem on the other side of the road. What we need to do is help him
realize how stupid he’s acting by not taking on his current problems before
adding new problems.

OPRAH: Well, I understand that the chicken is having problems, which is why he
wants to cross this road so bad. So instead of having the chicken learn from his
mistakes and take falls, which is a part of life, I’m going to give this chicken
a car so that he can just drive across the road and not live his life like the
rest of the chickens.

ANDERSON COOPER, CNN: We have reason to believe there is a chicken, but we have
not yet been allowed to have access to the other side of the road.

NANCY GRACE: That chicken crossed the road because he’s guilty! You can see it
in his eyes and the way he walks.

PAT BUCHANAN: To steal the job of a decent, hardworking American.

MARTHA STEWART: No one called me to warn me which way that chicken was going. I
had a standing order at the Farmers Market to sell my eggs when the price
dropped to a certain level. No little bird gave me any insider information.

DR SEUSS: Did the chicken cross the road? Did he cross it with a toad? Yes, the
chicken crossed the road, but why it crossed I’ve not been told.

ERNEST HEMINGWAY: To die, in the rain, alone.

JERRY FALWELL: Because the chicken was gay! Can’t you people see the plain
truth? That’s why they call it the other side. Yes, my friends, that chicken  is
gay. And if you eat that chicken, you will become gay, too.
I say we boycott all chickens until we sort out this abomination that the
liberal media whitewashes with seemingly harmless phrases like the other side.
That chicken should not be crossing the road. It’s as plain and as simple as
that.

GRANDPA: In my day we didn’t ask why the chicken crossed the road.
Somebody told us the chicken crossed the road, and that was good enough.

BARBARA WALTERS: Isn’t that interesting? In a few moments, we will be listening
to the chicken tell, for the first time, the heart warming story
of how it experienced a serious case of molting, and went on to accomplish its
lifelong dream of crossing the road.

ARISTOTLE: It is the nature of chickens to cross the road.

JOHN LENNON: Imagine all the chickens in the world crossing roads together, in
peace.

BILL GATES: I have just released eChicken2008, which will not only cross roads,
but will lay eggs, file your important documents, and balance your checkbook.
Internet Explorer is an integral part of eChicken2008. This new platform is much
more stable and will never crash.

ALBERT EINSTEIN: Did the chicken really cross the road, or did the road move
beneath the chicken?

COLONEL SANDERS: Did I miss one?

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