To whom it may concern:

Apr 13, 2010 by

Mitch, day one in office you need to put a Bat Signal on top of City Hall. Turning it on calls in an air strike. Then carry around a ceiling fan remote control and tell people if they don’t shut up you’ll have the whole town carpet-bombed. (and be sure to waver the remote around in their face all crazy).

Nagin, almost there buddy. Don’t forget to order your bumper-sticker for the drive to Dallas. And don’t plan on coming back if  you forget anything; by the time you cross the state line it will all be in Federal evidence bags.

Mailman, you know, most of us drink after work. Just something to keep in mind. My dog sort of freaks out when a hand clumsily stabs through the mail slot at 9:00pm with a wadded up water bill in it.

NOPD, really? What can I tell you? If you’re not a piece of shit and you work for NOPD you need to be putting your resume out there while its still maybe possible for you to get a non-henchman-type-job. The rest of you are like a gang of bar bouncers with slightly worse self esteem.

And lastly,

Metermaids…you’re the people telemarketers complain about when they’re on break. I haven’t seen a group of roving G.E.D.s that big since Popeye’s had a job fair. You are slowly being replaced by a van with a camera on it and that, I think, is just about right. You will not be missed.

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