The Story So Far

Apr 29, 2010 by

Okay, everyone, you know the drill…

Pull out your storm tracking maps and get ready to do some plotting.

“Wait, wait!!!” I hear you say. “You’re a little over a month early with this, aren’t you? What gives?”

Never too early to be prepared.

“But this is a tad much. I mean, we’re getting the old, incompetent lead out of the mayor’s office in a few days. We’re looking at prospective police chiefs. We’re gonna elect a new state representative this weekend, for crying out loud. And you’ve got to bother us with this before its time???”

Believe me, there’s a reason.

*grumble* “All right then. Sheesh.”

Pencils at the ready. Here it comes:

Now, before you go all to the pain on me…

“Dear God, what is that thing?

“Does it have a category?

“I can’t see the eye of it…

“When do we evacuate? I’ll get to packing…”

WHOA, there, HOLD IT.

Calm down a little, folks. It’s not a storm.

“Then what the hell is it?”

It’s…well…remember that thing that happened in Alaska

Sarah Palin?”

Uhhh, no. Don’t interrupt.


ANYway, an oil rig operated by a company that was given many incentives to come here and drill for more oil for our gas-thirsty cars to consume (and we’re contemplating giving it and others like it more) blew out and capsized, and the measures taken to stop the thing from leaking haven’t worked, so that thing on the map…

“…is not where it should be.”

You got it.

“Well, it’s sorta turning around here and there from what I can see. I don’t think we need to pack up and leave at least, which is a relief. It’ll just float out and away from us like a big oily boat, right? There are ways for the oil industry to skim that stuff off, right? I mean, they’ve developed all this great technology just to go miles under the water for our oil, so they’ve got a way to contain this and cap it, right? Right???? Why the hell are you so quiet?”

Ummm, some of us near the Louisiana coast are starting to smell it.

“Ohhh, no”

Oh, yes.

“Gimme that pencil. And get me the phone.”

What? Who are you gonna call?

“I don’t know yet, but whoever I call is going to catch some serious hell from me about this.”

Good idea. Let’s pass that phone around.


Update, 4/30: Jeffrey in the comments says it is imperative the following picture be included in this post:

Note the similarity to a certain something that hit us nearly five years ago that we are still recovering from:

The environmental impact of this is going to be painful and heartbreaking. Early reports of affected wildlife are already coming in. No offshore drilling will be going on in the Gulf until there is a determination of what exactly happened (if that’s possible – most of the evidence is deep underwater now).

So this is what it takes to get the technology to prevent this from happening? And to effectively clean it up afterwards? Curse BP, Transocean, our state and federal governments, and our dependency on crude oil for all of this. RIP to Louisiana’s wetlands.

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