FYYFF: The Oily Version

May 19, 2010 by

And so it turns out that BP has been fudging the numbers after all. Their 5000 barrels per day estimate only calculates oil visible on or just beneath the surface. The “mystery dispersant” they’ve been spreading at the source of the main leak simply keeps oil from coming to the surface and –in their eyes– discounts it from the total number of gallons polluting the Gulf of Mexico. According to the minimum estimates by independent scientists at least 50,000 barrels per day are leaking from the main wound. that’s 2.1 million gallons of oil per day. We surpassed the Valdez on day six for those of you keeping track. Fuck you, you fucking BP fucks.

Similarly, BP is planning a “top kill” sometime in the “near future.” This after a full month of “it’s not so bads” and “we have plans”. First there was the big dome which failed due to ice crystals forming inside. Then a second, smaller dome which reached the Gulf floor but was oddly never heard from again. Then the 4-inch catheter which managed to collect a small amount of leaking oil from the 21-inch profusely bleeding wound BP stuck in mother earth. All valiant efforts, but all failures. Seems now the only solution is to actually dump a ton of debris onto the leak and seal it for good. I ask you, why wasn’t the “top kill” the FIRST solution to be tried? Why? Because BP wants the fucking oil. I reiterate, Fuck you, you fucking BP fucks.

And in regard to BP’s bullshit estimates, why were they the only ones the Federal Government was listening to for thirty days? Where was the MMS or EPA or any other Federal Agency while an unknown amount of oil was hemorrhaging into the Gulf? Why did the Federal Government rely on BP for the numbers? Why would they trust a company whose lies and shortcuts led to this disaster in the first place? Fuck you, you fucking Federal Fucks.

And millions of dollars for tourism promotions? What the hell is that about? “Come to New Orleans and enjoy the daquiris! (Sorry, the oysters are dead, have a Lucky Dog!)” I think that money would be better spent on capping the fissures BP created with their lax attitude toward safety. But gee it sure looks like you’re actually doing something, doesn’t it? Fuck you, you distraction dollar fucks.

Barack Obama was all set to introduce more drilling off our coasts even though throughout his “Campaign of Hope” he promised not to. While I saw this as a pathetic handout to his opponents to pacify them for one or another of his presidential plans it looks like it may have backfired. Unless he wanted this disaster to get worse so he could say, “Hey, I was right… drilling is bad, nnnkay?” Regardless, from jump, Obama has not only dropped the ball but practically given it to the other team on the goal line. Fuck you, you fucking Presidential Fuck.

Louisiana Governor Bobby Jindal wasted no time fixing the breaches in our barrier islands as soon as the oil neared our coasts. Well, If you don’t count the fact that he’s had three years to do this and is just now getting around to it. And today he announced that dredging operations will soon begin to further protect our coasts. That is, as soon as the permit is given, but he assures us the permit will take days and not weeks. Are you fucking serious? Start the goddamned dredging already you fucking moron! How does this take “days”? You’re the fucking Governor for chrissakes! Put your Bruno Maglis into some posteriors and get it done! Paperwork be damned, you are wasting time! Fuck you, you fucking Republican poster boy fuck!

And then there are the lawyers. Where would we all be without those stalwart guardians of the public? There are over 100 lawsuits already pending from fishermen to restaurateurs to hoteliers. Probably all necessary considering BP’s actions to date, but the plethora of ambulance chasers infesting television programming with their ads these days is sickening. I suppose that since we’re losing so much oil fewer people are driving, which in turn means fewer rear-enders for you vampires to leech money from. Fuck you, you fucking bottom-feeding fucks.

In closing, I’d like to apologize to Ashley Morris, the Morris family and the blogging community for hijacking FYYFF but goddammit, it seems like it’s the only appropriate response to the morons who are destroying our coast, our people and our state.

-M Styborski


  1. I talked to someone who worked in the oil industry for years. BP (and the like) have the tools they need to get much of the oil out of the water (read: protect their investment and get as much product as possible out of this, whether it destroys the entire Gulf Coast or not). Not sure why they’re waiting on it, tho’.

    On another note, isn’t sweet crude one of the ingredients for Lucky Dogs?

  2. S’allright, man. It didn’t originate with Dr Morris anyhow. FYYFF most certainly applies here, and there are a LOT of fucking fucks that need to be told “fuck you” to their faces in this, not unlike the fella in Mississippi in 2005 who said it to Dick Cheney.

  3. I talked to someone who worked in the oil industry for years. BP (and the like) have the tools they need to get much of the oil out of the water (read: protect their investment and get as much product as possible out of this, whether it destroys the entire Gulf Coast or not). Not sure why they’re waiting on it, tho’.

  4. George Mauer

    Look I’m far from wanting to give bp a pass. In fact I wrote an article about it. But your argument doesn’t make a lick I’d sense.

    Let’s say that bp was only interested in the oil. Why wouldn’t they want to simply crimp the pipe if that technology was available? They’re building a second rig anyways I’m not sure that I get the logic where they win by not stopping the flow.

    I think that they might have some implicitly contradictory incentives buti think that we’re all on the same basic team

  5. Dear George: Stybie may be wrong in his assumptions (I don’t happen to think so) but to say his “argument doesn’t make a lick I’d sense” is kinda stupid.

    It does, actually make theoretical sense, at the very least, while your rebuttal is a twisted version of a rhetorical response. WTF?

    Without pointing fingers (I’d wear myself out), it’s rather obvious that all the great technology of the current human race is sitting idle while a death cloud of shit is spreading, mostly unchecked, through one of the Oceans of Earth. Our Ocean, in fact.

    Read a headline: Blame, money, size-ratio significance, political ballast, class action suits, regulations…


    It’s really that simple.
    It just is.

  6. If there ever was a call for FYYFF, it’s this:


  7. Sandy Citizen

    Call up some BP execs and see what’s up…


  8. George Mauer

    Yes, plug the whole clean up the oil. Nobody is against that. Also BP has been sheisty in some ways and ok in others. And for god’s sake actually enforcing some regulations could have prevented this whole thing.

    But can you please explain where my logic is lacking?
    * “BP doesn’t want to plug the pipe because they want the oil”
    * “The only permanent solution is a relief well”

    How much cognitive dissonance is required to insist on the first while believing the second? If they are drilling a second well anyways then it is in their interests to stop the flow as soon as possible because then there will be more oil left for them (not like that’s really an issue).

    I don’t want to spend all my angry-juice playing logic police and the argument is really not one of much consequence but seeing people make such a blatantly contradictory statement just somehow gets to me…

  9. Well a really smart sciency-type guy on WDSU cleared up all the confusion for me. He likened the network of pipes, shunts and other oil-raping apparatus on the floor of the Gulf to a human body. The pipeline, he says, is like a really big vein that has some damage and before BP sutures up those big holes they need to know if in doing so, they will create a dangerous amount of stress on the remaining miles of pipe. So it’s not greed, but “safety” that has BP concerned. Gosh. My bad.

    In other news, BP has admitted that their numbers may be somewhat off concerning how much oil is leaking from their broken vein. They now claim to be capturing 5000 barrels of oil per day through the 4-inch catheter. So if that’s accurate, combined with their claim of capturing 20% of the leaking crude, leak #1 has been dumping one million gallons per day.

    But guess what? That 20% capture claim is bullshit too. http://www.bellona.org/articles/articles_2010/tar_swamp reports that the 70,000 bpd independent analysis of video footage released by BP was accurate within 20% meaning that 56- to 84,000 bpd has been flooding the Gulf since the Deepwater Horizon sank. That’s 2,352,000 to 3,528,000 gallons per day or 72 million to just over one billion gallons of oil to date. I reiterate… fuck you you fucking BP fucks!

    From the Bellona article: “The figure of 5,000 barrels a day was hastily produced by government scientists in Seattle. It appears to have been calculated using a method that is specifically not recommended for major oil spills.” So the Fed didn’t actually “use” BP’s numbers, IT FUCKING CREATED THEM!

    “Top Kill” solution is estimated to begin sometime on Sunday.

    Congress has provided live streaming video of the oil HEMORRHAGE on the web, but due to high traffic it’s pretty hard to get through.


    is the main site but has been overloaded for some time. It also prefers MS Explorer. I haven’t been able to get into it in the last half-hour. (Go figure.)

  10. Oh, by the way, anyone remember the East Timor fiasco? Took 5 tries to finally plug that one up. And guess whose cementing procedures caused that disaster?


  11. Is it irony? Time will tell. The Deepwater Horizon fiasco is set in what is codenamed the Macondo site (Mississippi Canyon Block 252). Drilling sites are given codenames for ease of reference and somewhat for secrecy.

    Macondo is the fictional town of Gabriela Garcia Marquez’ magnum opus One Hundred Years of Solitude (let’s hope it won’t be that long before the Gulf can be restored). Macondo was founded as a utopian city (massive oil strike) by Jose Arcadio Buendia (the Buendia patriarch, or “BP”) in the midst of a Colombian rainforest but Buendia was convinced that it was “surrounded” by water (middle of the Gulf of Mexico). Generations of the Buendia family grows up in Macondo forever linked to self-inflicted misfortunes (lax testing, improper procedures) until a hurricane (June 1st is getting closer every day kids!) destroys Macondo itself.

    Crazy, huh?

  12. BP chooses lose/lose dispersants from Nalco, whose board members just happen to be made up of BP executives.


  13. “Spill”cams that work:

    http://video.ap.org/ (click the banner at the top)

    http://www.ustream.tv/channel/wkrg (watch the idiots chat)

  14. And hey, welcome to our newest member, Mr Higgins hissef’! Welcome to the fold!

  15. @George Throw up a link to the article you wrote here in the comments. It’s all grist for conversation and since I’m inviting it you will not see it deleted as SPAM.

    -Loki, Founder and Publisher

  16. Another moron adds his voice to the stack of useless opinions piling up.

    And it’s NOLA.com log-in friendly!

  17. I wanna know when the US is gonna step up and take this over.
    BP is NOT in charge of this unless they are allowed to be….


  18. Paul Mulshine is obviously one of those ‘glass is half full’ idiots.

    Just because Alabama has nice swimming, (so far) doesn’t mean that Barataria Bay isn’t going to get wasted into a tar pit forever.

    I wonder if I shoved my boot up his ass, if he’d tell me how nice his hair looked?

    Douche bag.

  19. Oh, but there’s still fishing in Alabama!
    Better hurry!

    “More than 65 miles of Louisiana’s shoreline has now been affected by oil, according to the National Oceanic and Atmospheric Administration — more than the total sea coastline of Delaware and Maryland combined.”
    – Governor Jindal, from Venice, LA, on Sunday, May 23rd.

  20. Oh, Paul Mulshine…
    Here’s a little cloud for your sunshine.


  21. Awesome link LD. I was getting sick and tired of Bob Gibbs swearing up and down that the Fed had no power to take over all operations. He even uses the 1990 OPA as the REASON they can’t!

  22. New Jersey’s finest Hack, Paul Mulshine, is now deleting my comments as soon as I put them up, lol! Funny, I thought that only happened at NOLA.com!

  23. Catch

    Hmm. The plot in “The Day the Earth Stood Still” doesn’t seem so implausible anymore, does it?

  24. kryket

    they are waiting because if they make the well inoperable, they lose their rights to the well (which flows money onto their pockets). their contract (as all gulf wells) stipulates that they (bp) may ascertain rights to the well so long as the well remains operable…and as long its flowing, its operable. they could have destroyed the well and caved it in with dynamite day one, but that would make it inoperable and therefore bp loses their contract to the well. fyyfbpf.

  25. M Styborski

    Interesting kryket. Can you point me to where this info is? MMS or Federal guidelines?


  1. …and the rig you rode in on | The Lens - [...] May 19, M. Styborski at the Humid City blog penned FYYFF, the oily version. Styborski apologized to “to Ashley…

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