FYYFF: The Oily Version

May 19, 2010 by

And so it turns out that BP has been fudging the numbers after all. Their 5000 barrels per day estimate only calculates oil visible on or just beneath the surface. The “mystery dispersant” they’ve been spreading at the source of the main leak simply keeps oil from coming to the surface and –in their eyes– discounts it from the total number of gallons polluting the Gulf of Mexico. According to the minimum estimates by independent scientists at least 50,000 barrels per day are leaking from the main wound. that’s 2.1 million gallons of oil per day. We surpassed the Valdez on day six for those of you keeping track. Fuck you, you fucking BP fucks.

Similarly, BP is planning a “top kill” sometime in the “near future.” This after a full month of “it’s not so bads” and “we have plans”. First there was the big dome which failed due to ice crystals forming inside. Then a second, smaller dome which reached the Gulf floor but was oddly never heard from again. Then the 4-inch catheter which managed to collect a small amount of leaking oil from the 21-inch profusely bleeding wound BP stuck in mother earth. All valiant efforts, but all failures. Seems now the only solution is to actually dump a ton of debris onto the leak and seal it for good. I ask you, why wasn’t the “top kill” the FIRST solution to be tried? Why? Because BP wants the fucking oil. I reiterate, Fuck you, you fucking BP fucks.

And in regard to BP’s bullshit estimates, why were they the only ones the Federal Government was listening to for thirty days? Where was the MMS or EPA or any other Federal Agency while an unknown amount of oil was hemorrhaging into the Gulf? Why did the Federal Government rely on BP for the numbers? Why would they trust a company whose lies and shortcuts led to this disaster in the first place? Fuck you, you fucking Federal Fucks.

And millions of dollars for tourism promotions? What the hell is that about? “Come to New Orleans and enjoy the daquiris! (Sorry, the oysters are dead, have a Lucky Dog!)” I think that money would be better spent on capping the fissures BP created with their lax attitude toward safety. But gee it sure looks like you’re actually doing something, doesn’t it? Fuck you, you distraction dollar fucks.

Barack Obama was all set to introduce more drilling off our coasts even though throughout his “Campaign of Hope” he promised not to. While I saw this as a pathetic handout to his opponents to pacify them for one or another of his presidential plans it looks like it may have backfired. Unless he wanted this disaster to get worse so he could say, “Hey, I was right… drilling is bad, nnnkay?” Regardless, from jump, Obama has not only dropped the ball but practically given it to the other team on the goal line. Fuck you, you fucking Presidential Fuck.

Louisiana Governor Bobby Jindal wasted no time fixing the breaches in our barrier islands as soon as the oil neared our coasts. Well, If you don’t count the fact that he’s had three years to do this and is just now getting around to it. And today he announced that dredging operations will soon begin to further protect our coasts. That is, as soon as the permit is given, but he assures us the permit will take days and not weeks. Are you fucking serious? Start the goddamned dredging already you fucking moron! How does this take “days”? You’re the fucking Governor for chrissakes! Put your Bruno Maglis into some posteriors and get it done! Paperwork be damned, you are wasting time! Fuck you, you fucking Republican poster boy fuck!

And then there are the lawyers. Where would we all be without those stalwart guardians of the public? There are over 100 lawsuits already pending from fishermen to restaurateurs to hoteliers. Probably all necessary considering BP’s actions to date, but the plethora of ambulance chasers infesting television programming with their ads these days is sickening. I suppose that since we’re losing so much oil fewer people are driving, which in turn means fewer rear-enders for you vampires to leech money from. Fuck you, you fucking bottom-feeding fucks.

In closing, I’d like to apologize to Ashley Morris, the Morris family and the blogging community for hijacking FYYFF but goddammit, it seems like it’s the only appropriate response to the morons who are destroying our coast, our people and our state.

-M Styborski

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