Fire-breathing Cthulu dolphins emerge from hole

May 29, 2010 by

Latest development on the BP oil spill:

Thousands of fire-breathing Cthulu dolphins have emerged from the underground gusher in the Gulf of Mexico and have begun systematically devouring all of human civilization, causing all other earthly life forms to issue a collective sigh of relief – except for crows and rats, who have mixed feelings. 

“On the bright side,” commented BP CEO Tony Hayward reassuringly, “it seems we have inadvertently solved the seafood issue, as these fire-breathing Cthulu dolphins, if captured and prepared properly, can be quite delicious”

 Quipped khaki-pant wearing BP mouthpiece Randy Prescott: “Louisiana isn’t the only place that has fire-breathing Cthulu dolphins!”

This just in: BP’s initial estimate of “thousands” of fire-breathing Cthulu dolphins has been updated by the Coast Guard to “millions” of fire-breathing Cthulu dolphins. Tony Hayward responded by saying, “I think it’s really not helpful to pretend that anyone can actually count so many fire-breathing Cthulu dolphins accurately.”

In other top stories, Heidi Montag is splitsville with her latest beau.

– Louis Maistros

PS: Till further notice, 25% of gross sales from my novel The Sound of Building Coffins that are sold in my Ebay Store will go directly to America’s Wetland Foundation (who are collecting money for the Gulf Oil Spill Response Fund). For this donation to be made, the book must be bought here.


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