Turfological Scientifics: 2010

Sep 9, 2010 by

Alright you crunked up sons-and-daughters-of Champions, we’re gonna drop a little turfological scientifics on ya before the season starts so you know where the team stands. Last year the New Orleans Saints didn’t just shake and break the record books, they lit a powderkeg under them and stomped the debris into little bitty freaking molecules and this year promises more of the same. There will be a test later, so pay attention: Failure to make a passing grade means no shrimp mirliton for you at the Big Dance this year!

Career Touchdowns: Chances are that two Saints will move into the top five here. Reggie Bush is currently in 8th with 32 and Marques Colston is in 6th with 33. Bush needs two to make 6th a 3-way tie with Colston and Tony Galbraith. They’re both just a couplefew shy of Danny Abramowicz’s 5th place mark of 37.

In four short years Drew Brees has just about locked every passing record, but there are still a few he’ll be gunning for this year and career passing yards is one of those. At 18,298 Drew is 858 yards away from knocking Aaron Brooks out of second place. He’s 3436 yards away from the 21,734 yard first place mark of Archie Manning. Drew is averaging 4574.5 yards/year so this should be a lock. He needs 3971 yards this year to knock Jim Everett out of 5th place for passing yards in a season which would give Drew sole possession of the top five spots in that category!

Another mark Drew can make this year is in passing attempts. He currently stands 3rd with 2355 behind Brooks (2771) and Manning (3335). At the end of the year only Maning should stand in his way. Also, at 1572 pass completions Brees is 278 shy of Manning’s 1st place mark of 1849. (It is at this time we ask all of you to give a little love to the San Diego Chargers for being so hopelessly clueless and releasing Brees. Thank you, San Diego!)

Colston and Bush return in the career receptions category. Colston (285) needs 25 receptions to pass Abramowicz (309) for 3rd and Bush (260) is in 8th looking to pass Hoby Brenner (267), Quinn Early (270) and Galbraith (284).

In the career receiving category, Colston (4074) needs 802 yards to take 3rd from Abramowicz (4875) but the way Drew spreads the leather he might have a difficult time getting there. Devery Henderson (3094) has an easier chance to move into 7th needing just 130 yards to pass Henry Childs (3224). He could do that in a few games and if so, Quinn Early’s (3758) 6th place spot would be his next target.

Interceptions. I can’t say enough about our defense and their uncanny knack for taking away the ball but there are no current players in the top ten here. Darren Sharper (9) needs 4 interceptions to tie Mike McKenzie and Fred Thomas in 10th. Tracy Porter (5) needs eight INTs for the same mark. With Sharper riding the PUP list for the first six weeks the spotlight falls on Porter.

Garrett Hartley cracked the top ten last year in the career field goal category with 22. He passed Garo Yepremian (12) and is 2 FGs away from taking the 7th spot from Bill McClard and Benny Ricardo (23 each). Chances are good that Hartley could move into 6th passing Rich Szaro’s 37 FGs and possibly even go as high as 5th if he can pass Tom Dempsey’s mark of 40.

While it may take Hartley a while to catch Morten Andersen’s 302 FGs, he can take pleasure in knowing that he currently holds the highest FG percentage hitting that fleur-de-f***ing-lis (or road arena equivalent) 22 times in 24 attempts for a 91.7% accuracy rating, topping Andersen (77.6%), John Carney (82.7%) and Doug Brien (82.6%).

There are plenty of other stats running around but these are the big ones. I’ll keep you updated as the season progresses. For now, just memorize these in between swigs of Dixie Beer and fistfuls of Zapp’s chips and enjoy the season! Oh, and about that test… if you’ve read this far, you passed! Grab a paper plate, a plastic fork and a heaping helping of shrimp mirliton and get ready for the road to Dallas!

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