Saints 2014|05

Oct 5, 2014 by

Saints LogoGood morning, gluttons! It’s time to gird your loins for the weekly nutpunch delivered by our very own favorite hot mess: the New Orleans Saints! At 1-3 for only the 18th time, (only nine seasons have begun worse,) the team is on track to emulate seasons produced by Jim Haslett, Jim Mora, Mike Ditka, Dick Nolan, JD North, Tom Fears, Hank Stram and Bum Phillips! Only Haslett (10-6) and Mora (9-7) have turned a start like like this into winning seasons. After today it will be our twelfth trip to 3-2 or 1-4…

So far the Saints have been outscored 95-110, the 24th worst ratio in Saints history (86.4%). How? I mean, 455 all-purpose yards should have been at least 38 points figuring a TD every 80 yards and a FG off the remaining 55 yards, right.  Doubt me? The Cowboys accrued 452 all-purpose yards and scored… 38 fucking points! At worst it should have translated into nine FGs for 27 points. And there we were at 17. Pathetic.

The Saints had two great back-to-back drives for TDs in the fourth quarter. The first was a 2-play, 74-yard drive that featured a 62-yard romp by Khiry Robinson. The drive took just 25 seconds off the clock. After forcing a three-and-out by Dallas, the following possession was a 5-play, 59-yard drive that lasted 1:38 and left 9:49 on the clock with the Saints down by just 14 points. They never scored again. Almost as if the team decided to collectively send the message, “Hey, we could do this anytime we want to…” and then not only took their foot off the gas but shut the truck off for the rest of the game.

Last year Corey White was Corey-on-the-spot. This year he’s Corey-on-the-spot-five-yards-away-from-his-man as is the rest of the secondary. Now, with Jairus Byrd out for the season with a torn lateral meniscus, (from a non-contact drill,) Rafael Bush has a chance to shine. Bush has 17 tackles compared to Byrd’s 22, but in only about a third of the field time. Bush is also much cheaper than the $54-million dollar, 6-year Byrd and more practical as well: he saved Saints fans an assload of money by taking number 25 and keeping all those expensive jerseys we have from gathering dust in our closets!

Next stop on the Disorient Express: Tampa Bay. The Saints lead the series 27-17, a 61% success rate. Only vs Houston are we better. This will be our 45th clash and the Bucs are the 4th longest rivalry after the Falcons, Niners and the Rams. The Machine has gone insane calling for a 27-22 Saints win. By rights this should be a cakewalk; we’re at home and Tampa Bay really does suck. Don’t let their Steelers upset fool you! But at the same time this offense is in Mora-mode with bafling checkdown passes and runs that start far too deep behind the line of scrimmage. The only certainty this season is that the Saints are an unpredictable train wreck.

And now to distract you with the shiny object that is… The Numerical Frippery!

Drew Brees played his 131st game passing Joe Federspiel (130) and tying Willie Roaf for 19th most games played as a Saint. Brees (3471-1st) is 29 completions from #3500. Brees (39,936-1st) is just 64 yards away from his 40,000th as a Saint! Brees also passed Johnny Unitas (39,768-Colts) for 7th place in passing yards with a single team.

Khiry Robinson (94-49th) passed Howard Stevens (88) in rushing attempts. Robinson also became the 284th Saint to catch a pass. Robinson (439-43rd) jumped Tony Lorick (355), Howard Stevens (373), Jim Taylor (390), Jack Holmes (393), James Ford (407) and Ernie Wheelwright (427) in rushing yards. He’s now 7 yards away from Troy Davis (446).

Marques Colston (8522-1st) nailed 8500 receiving yards as a Saint on his second catch of the Dallas game.

Kenny Stills (766-57th) passed Randall Hill (761) in receiving yards and sits 19 yards away from Tinker Owens (785).

Ramon Humber will play his 50th game as a Saint.

Kasim Edebali (1-277th) became the 309th Saint to make a tackle.

Kenny Vaccaro (2-87th) had a sack. After Tony Romo tripped over his own feet.

Joe Morgan and Nick Toon were playing grabass on the sidelines, as usual.

Shayne Graham (6-16th) tied Steve Mike-Meyer for FGs made. Graham (18-14th) also passed Happy Feller (17) and tied Steve Mike-Meyer for XPs made.

-M Styborski

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