We Fix Your Brand: 08 Mike Huckabee

Sep 10, 2015 by

Now this is design by committee. For a basketball shoe it’s pretty whack, yo? [We confess, we don’t know if whack is good or bad anymore. Either way, we stand by our statement.]

Somebody call an ambulance!

Somebody call an ambulance!

Where to start? Well, how about that train wreck at the bottom? Is it a Bank of America logo going through a wormhole or an actual train wreck? We bet on the latter as there are four little yellow stars floating above the point of impact signifying head injuries! Wait… yellow stars? Where are the pink hearts, blue diamonds and green clovers? And why four? Is that supposed to represent a four year term of office? Far too esoteric! Then there’s the slogan: From Hope To Higher Ground. We admit this is devilishly clever! Consider: Obama ran on a message of Hope, Huckabee is going to do even better than that! [By the way, there’s also a spiffy little in-joke here as Huckabee is from a town called Hope, Arkansas! We told you it was devilishly clever!]

But here’s the problem: that train wreck there at the bottom really is meant to be a train wreck! The long downward track being the Obama years of Hope, the stars representing whatever butthurt du jour Huckabee perceives as the rock bottom point where the Democratic Choo Choo jumped the rails and the upward track implying the Huckabee Presidency, raising us to “higher ground” because there’s only so much record high stock market and record low gas prices a nation can stand!

Unfortunately, the design team used blue and red lines for that train wreck, telegraphing that both Democrats and Republicans are responsible for whatever mess we’re allegedly in and the red being on top pretty much accuses the right of being responsible. Maybe the design team are closet Green Party members. But as if this bag of sad weren’t cluttered enough, there’s this:

Oh, you were right. It can get worse!

Oh, you were right. It can get worse!

Whoops… the stars got higher, the train wreck got shorter and somebody opened up TypeTwister to imperfectly add the website address to a graphic that’s on the website… Listen, Mike, people who don’t even own computers know that they can find your website just by Googling you on their phone! You don’t need the website on your brand and you sure as heck don’t need the www. anymore. It’s not 1992! Start over.

Hey! Our eyes aren't bleeding anymore!

Hey! Our eyes aren’t bleeding anymore!

We tried a number of variations of the train wreck theme and they all stunk. [Everything from gloomy chasm to circus tent.] They looked better than yours and none of them infringed on BOA, but still, they stunk. So we boiled the elements down to one rising red arc for the illusion that your presidency is the only thing that can save us from ourselves and keep those pesky Democrats down. We even left you with that trendy thick/thin type that Chris Christie stole from you, after all… you stole it first. But then you went to Rowan County and set your campaign back thirty years. So be it…

You really deserve less than this, but we're artists.

You really deserve less than this, but we’re artists.

This, we feel, is more in line with the mid-Eighties, Holier-Than-Thou, Moral Majority, Burn-In-Hell-Vibe hate rays you’re zapping out of your eyes lately. Simple and dull, much like your fan base. Technically we could have made it duller with some Helvetica, but we had already opened a can of Dax and didn’t want it to spoil. Honestly, as dated as this looks, we like it! It’s clean and easily readable from a distance or at small sizes which is what every campaign brand should aim for. You could do worse, and apparently have.

We’d await your campaign manager’s call, but we think he’ll be busy with the EMI case for a while. Oh well, there’s always 2020!

-M Styborski

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